WWYD: DD drunk seperated from friends in city centre

So what age do you think people should legally be allowed to drink alcohol if you think a 21 year old is too immature to drink?
Considering she is legally allowed to have sex, get married, drive a car and vote its pretty bizarre you think she is too immature to go out socialising with her friends.
Do you think she is too psychologically immature to stay in a hotel as well?
At what age do you think she should be allowed out on her own?

I get that you were worried but going to a new city on a night out isn't a big deal. Many 21 year olds travel the world - their parents aren't considering booking local hotel rooms because their kids are drunk in a new place. Let her make her own mistakes.

So basically you stalked your daughter on a completely normal night out?

It’s very very usual to go out in a new city. Many thousands of young people move to completely new cities all the time, let alone have one night out.

She wandered off and came back, nothing to stay up all night checking her location for.

I think you need to realise your level of anxiety isn’t good for you, or your daughter, sounds like you’ve led a very sheltered life, give your daughter a bit of space and don’t impose your own anxieties on her.

The thing is that the friends didn't seem to mind op's "interference"at all. In fact they seemed far more understanding than many people on here and reassured OP.

In any case, everything worked out OK and I hope OP managed to get a good night's sleep after all that.

I don't understand the new city bit either. I had countless nights out and at 20 was back packing round South America and Australia and on many occasions quite drunk. A new city or not, a 21 year old needs to be left alone and treated like an adult. Tracking her location at that age just seems bizarre.

And the mother of said 21 year old being in a nearby hotel rather than at home also means literally nothing, what practical use would this actually be?

This, how does a mum end up getting involved and texting friends on a night out for their 21 year old? I've had countless nights at that age where I ended up separated from friends. I would have died of mortification if my mum had got involved.

Yes awful things can happen but things like rape, murder are rare and can happen drunk or sober. There's always risks but this is part of being an adult and despite the desire of some parents on here to wrap their kids in cotton wool and be involved and monitor all aspects of their life until they are 30. A 21 year old needs to be left alone to live their life. Someone's mum being present on a night out or booking a hotel isn't going to prevent something happening. As someone said where does it end.

Made me smile - 21-year old adult - really made me smile. Just because physically she is an adult, means nothing, literally nothing about her psychological maturity.

Nope. You know that isn't what I'm saying. OP got wind of her daughter having a bad night. It is up to her what she does with that knowledge.

I personally would never have let a friend travel home alone (whatever their age) if they were flat out drunk. I saw a young man in that predicament at xmas too and I may be a very anxious person, but I wondered about his well being.

The way that you have twisted what I said is so annoying. And the mocking tone of your post is just horrible.

I'll step out of line and say have a chat with her about sensible drinking when she's sober

Then google India Chipchase.

A couple of months ago a young friend of mine (much older than your DD - a fairly mature woman) got very drunk. She travelled home on public transport with friends and got off the bus in order to board another bus and was raped by a random. What are the odds of that? She got pass-out drunk and a random stranger - who just happened to be a rapist - chanced upon her and did whatever he wanted. In the months that have followed I have had to witness this person's life and mind falling apart

So if her mammy had been in a hotel that wouldn't have happened? It's her mammy's fault then. And this woman was much older than the OP's dd so the op is going to have to track her dd and stay in hotels for years.

As this was last night, I think the OP has probably made her decision by now

I have not rtft, but I think that you should do what you want to do, OP. Do what gives you peace of mind, regardless of whatever insults a bunch of strangers on MN throw at you. Your DD will never know that you booked a hotel in order to be on hand if she needs you.

A couple of months ago a young friend of mine (much older than your DD - a fairly mature woman) got very drunk. She travelled home on public transport with friends and got off the bus in order to board another bus and was raped by a random. What are the odds of that? She got pass-out drunk and a random stranger - who just happened to be a rapist - chanced upon her and did whatever he wanted. In the months that have followed I have had to witness this person's life and mind falling apart.

A couple of weeks ago I was out with a young relative and would not have had any peace of mind unless I had seen them to the door of their uni accommodation. What they do on their own is up to them, the chances they take etc., but when they are with me I have to make sure that they are safe - for my own peace of mind if nothing else.

At 21 my DD was at uni. I had no idea where she was, who she was with r or what she was doing. Shes an adult and has to learn from her mistakes. You shouldn’t still be parenting this way.

She’s 21. It’s really bad that you’re tracking her

I see you’re getting a lot of condescending responses but I totally see your point. I was an awful drinker in my 20s and got into some really scary situations. I think it’s lovely that you’re thinking of going to stay nearby, I don’t think it’s overbearing at all.

I dont understand what your problem is there windows? Girl goes out has some drinks and comes home with a different friendship group, Am I missing something?!

And I remember my sister, my niece and various friends. On numerous occasions. Who are all still around to do it again next weekend 🤷

I think you’re being over protective here, it’s normal 18 year old behaviour, and it doesn’t sound like anything bad actually happened? They got drunk and went home? And….?

Wrapping young adults in cotton wool rather than letting them grow up won’t teach your DD any resilience. I’m not saying they shouldn’t be sensible but being smart rather than paranoid about predatory men is a better lesson.

Are you suggesting you’re not going to ‘allow’ an 18 year old to go to a festival? Your dd is an adult, treat her like one.

At 21 I was backpacking round the world and calling home once a month from a phone box. I can't believe this thread. Stop babying fully grown adults ffs.

What happened OP, did you go? Is DD alright?

This

I appreciate your concern, its mums job to worry. But she isn't 14, she is 21, and needs to take responsibility for her actions, and needs to chose friends who she is confident will look out for her. At 23 I was volunteering in Nepal and backpacking across India, that was 20 years ago and the only contact my mum got from me was emails a couple times a week from an Internet cafe as foreign mobiles were extortionately expensive. You do not need to be going and staying in a hotel, you need to be confident that you have done your job giving her the skills to look after herself.

Agree, this is a complete non event, young woman walks wrong way out if toilets and can’t find her friend for 5mins.

I think we’re heading for a generation of adults who are completely unable to do anything for themselves without everyone panicking and treating them like toddlers.

The idea of OP heading off to stay in a nearby hotel is ridiculous as are all the people suggesting they’d do the same, it’s doing young people no good whatsoever to have such little resilience and parents no good to feel this level of tracking and anxiety are in any way normal.