Overbearing and suffocating boyfriend

He sounds like a lunatic

and you sound like you hate him

just walk away ffs

'I find him overwhelming. He has said before he's obsessed with me, I told him that made me uncomfortable as it's not healthy to feel like that. He agrees with everything I do and say, seems to have no opinion. Always talking, texting, wanting very in depth conversations about our relationship'

He doesn't k is how to have a deep and meaningful relationship and is having to fake his feelings and believes this over the top behaviour is how people really behave.

Dump him before he becomes dangerous.

Me too.

@LaaLaaLady The constant ringing on the phone is fucking awful. I really wish I knew then what I know now but love bombing and control were not terms you ever heard at the time. It used to drive me insane, as you say, you can't just get on with doing anything at all because they want your attention 110% of
the time. I honestly would end it.

The problem with designating you as perfect and on a pedestal is that you can never live up to it. As soon as you do anything that doesn't fit in with the fantasy, he will be devastated and probably punish you for it. You have already seen this with the silent treatment and keeping tabs on you to make sure you don't tell friends anything bad when you are out without him so can't be controlled. If things are this hard in the initial stage, imagine what could come later.

@LaaLaaLady you’ve been with him ONLY a year.

you hate the way he makes you feel, which WILL be increasing in frequency. you talk to him, he pretends not to get it

silent treatment

this is a fucking disastrous relationship AND YOU KNOW IT.

even abusers can be nice when they need to be. You’re suffocating and you life is shrinking.

get the fuck out now. You’ve tried, it’s never going to get any better only ever worse.

cut your insignificant losses now, or ruin your life, and that of your kids.

step up and make the right decision today.

I agree. I have said to my partner that even though behaviours stem from ADHD, I need him to consider the impact of them on me. And he is open to this and when I point them out he listens and we try and find strategies. It's not easy but that it why we're together and I haven't run away, because he shows his love for me by listening and trying to manage his behaviour.

ADHDers love intensely, that's true. But they also have a responsibility to reflect on their emotions and behaviours and make efforts not to let them impact on their loved ones negatively. His behaviour is really unacceptable whether it comes from love, ADHD or control, the effect on you is the same. I think it's time to stop your introspection about HIS condition/s and hand it over to him to start the work. You don't have to live with this just because he has ADHD.

Aye OP sounds like my ex. Be careful. He was just like that love bombing in the early stages. Portrays himself as such a loving father- hint, he's also a pathological liar. Lies include, has 2 kids instead of 3, has a good job (he's unemployed) etc. Also ADHD (diagnosed) - it's not the ADHD, they are just controlling men with severe self esteem issues needing constant validation as they're so unhappy inside. Throw him back, wish I had done. Also, ask yourself why his ex left and not just be blinded by pity for "poor man who can't". If he's known about his ADHD for longer than 2 minutes he would have got help. He didn't. You're out here researching it for him. He's got no interest in getting help. Why would he if he gets sympathy, empathy and an endless "excuse" for all his controlling behaviour

Agree with a PP who said this is love bombing. It's exactly that, manipulation.

I was very briefly dating a guy like that too. In the few weeks we dated he did everything he could to insert himself in every part of my life, He texted constantly so that I would never get a break to even reflect on if I liked him or not, he tried to give my DD a job at his company, he gave me paintings he had made so that "my walls would remind me of him", he asked his son to spend time with my son (my son didn't want to), he tried to tie me down to holiday plans months in advance, he wanted to come to a dinner I was having for my friends (all women), he said he would cook for us but when I protested and said we didn't want men there he said he would wear headphone so we wouldn't even know he was there.

There was plenty more, but after about 3-4 weeks of this and me repeatedly telling him to calm the fuck down I just told him that I was exhausted and needed not to see or talk to him again. He continued texting whenever he had been drinking for a few months until he finally met his next victim. He really put me off dating and I will never let someone take over my life like that again.

This doesn't sound anything like ADHD to me. Rather than excuse his behaviour with a diagnosis, just look at it as his personality. He's not going to change. Do you want to be with this personality for the rest of your life?

To be honest I would have been gone as soon as he started all this bollocks, I can't stand being smothered. I had a very clingy boyfriend as a teenager and even now the moment of how he behaved makes me feel like I need to run away. Being all over you like that doesn't mean he loves you, it means he wants to control you. Please just leave.

He's controlling and toxic, it's nothing to do with adhd
Dump him

OP, what you need is a magic wand so that you can change him but you don't have one so you either have to accept that this is how he is or you have to split with him. It really is that simple. He won't change however much you agonise over it and try to talk to him about it.
You would be unfair to stay with him and expect him to be a different person.
If I were you I would leave him.

What did I just read? The bloke’s a bloody loony!

OP, how do you avoid becoming furious with this absurd behaviour? Is he 16 years old? 🙄

Have his children reached the age kids want some time on their own and independence? If they have and he manages that in a positive way then you might be able to use that as an example.

If they haven’t reached that stage yet, I think watching him treat them similarly will be a nightmare

I would suggest a relationship break while he undergoes counselling.
That is, if you want to be in this relationship and make it work.

He’s going quiet for a few days could be punishment for not giving him attention, he is training you. Seriously, the guy sounds worrying

Weird there’s even discussion like this man and adhd.

The guy is throwing up multiple red flags for covert narc or stalker type behaviours.

His ex of 20 years likely ran away, he is ultra mr nice guy to everyone 🚩🚩 and he’s controlling in a way where he can manipulate you if you call him on it (he just loves you) He also wants to know everything about your mind. Hell no, run a far distance

His going quiet for hours or days, is rejection sensitive dysphoria and emotional blackmail.

People like this don't understand why people need alone time, because they take it as a personal insult when others need space from them. They can't grasp that's it's not space from them specifically, it's just space to breathe and recharge. In this case it does sound like you do specifically need space from him, so this is what you're going to have to do; tell him that this behaviour has to STOP, or there will be a problem. The emotional blackmail of going quiet on you because you need space (irony) is on HIM to manage, you should not be made to feel guilty for needing your space.

He needs to go into therapy to address this otherwise it won't work. I am AuDHD, I know these patterns. He needs to stop being controlling, and you clearly need space. If he refuses to get therapy or start being reasonable, then I'm afraid it's time to leave because it won't improve.

This relationship is just not working, op. Gently extricate yourself. Thank goodness you don't live together.

He needs to learn that nobody likes his sort of behaviour, well you certainly don't and I doubt anyone else will. I'd hate it!

Get rid, have a breather. You deserve it.

When he says he doesn’t understand it what he really means is he doesn’t accept it or respect what you’re saying. So his conclusion is you have faulty thinking instead of the fact he has no boundaries.

Tbh, what he’s saying about how awful it is to see you like that and how worried he is indicates something quite worrying. You’re expected to be on and be a certain way and he obviously can’t cope with you having ordinary emotions or time to yourself. Like you’re a faulty item that isn’t functioning properly.

Why are you still with this man? He sounds exhausting