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Original poster

Holidays - grumpy husband.

66 replies

thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 18:25

So
After years of a grumpy husband on holidays I've had enough - it's too hot, I have a rash, I don't want to be in the pool all the time etc etc. We stayed in Uk, cost almost as much and just got a different suite of complaints always aimed at me - where as have booked is too remote, he hates the beach, just wants to do what he wants for one day which is walking to a pub and basically I always come back crying.

This year am I being unreasonable if I am take my 13 year old daughter abroad alone? Sick of keeping everyone happy (also 17yr old boy but that's another story).

Looking for help - thinking Turkey, Greece or Cyprus, desperate for hotels recommendations short transfer, bits to do outside of hotel and quiet pools as Daughter doesn't cope with busy? Budget £2-3kXx

OP posts:
Original poster
thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:52

PlopSofa · 25/01/2025 20:47

About to go on 6th holiday without DH, OP.

It's been wonderful and soooooooo freeing!!

Kids are now 16 and 13, I started a while back.

DH very difficult for a variety of reasons though we love him dearly. He's also very busy with work. We still all go on holiday together but it's so stressful I demand another almost immediately, without him and fortunately he's not averse to it.

We are very lucky to be in the position to do that, that a) we have the finances and b) he's not emotional about it.

I'd suggest a nice resort hotel somewhere warm, close to a town so you can spread your wings and enjoy other things than just the hotel but you have a lovely pool to come back to! We loved southern coast of Spain and go there regularly, outside of summer time when it's a bit hot and it's less expensive then too and the sun is wonderful.

I always take both kids. It's been amazing <3 We have such a good time.

Permission granted OP! Soar by yourselves!

Thank you, sounds like a similar situation to us. DH is hard work and difficult - he's just not easy going. There are without a doubt some 'tisms' there. Family dynamics can be stressful when we are all together . He also works a lot and gets stressed about having to stop - this gets directed on me. Although he's always glad to have gone away and feels refreshed after - I never do 😂

Thank you for the permission, I honestly feel so sad we can't just look for a holiday and get excited together. Feel bad for my daughter that's she doesn't have her brother and dad but only other option is for us not to go and she just loves an abroad holiday!

OP posts:
PlopSofa · 25/01/2025 20:48

He can leave her for a week! But OK - it's yours and his choice! You never forget it though - these later year family holidays, they really are nice.

Original poster
thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:47

AllosaurusMum · 25/01/2025 20:43

Why are you leaving your son out?

He's 17 and wants to go away with his girlfriend. I would happily have them come with us but just not sure I will be able to afford to pay for the girlfriend and he wouldn't come without her. It would also mean accommodation would be more complicated as they would want to share so would need two bedrooms (not majorly comfortable with 13 yr old knowing they share) etc etc I'll probably give him the money to go away with her if he needs it. He does work so has options.

OP posts:
PlopSofa · 25/01/2025 20:47

About to go on 6th holiday without DH, OP.

It's been wonderful and soooooooo freeing!!

Kids are now 16 and 13, I started a while back.

DH very difficult for a variety of reasons though we love him dearly. He's also very busy with work. We still all go on holiday together but it's so stressful I demand another almost immediately, without him and fortunately he's not averse to it.

We are very lucky to be in the position to do that, that a) we have the finances and b) he's not emotional about it.

I'd suggest a nice resort hotel somewhere warm, close to a town so you can spread your wings and enjoy other things than just the hotel but you have a lovely pool to come back to! We loved southern coast of Spain and go there regularly, outside of summer time when it's a bit hot and it's less expensive then too and the sun is wonderful.

I always take both kids. It's been amazing <3 We have such a good time.

Permission granted OP! Soar by yourselves!

mrsconradfisher · 25/01/2025 20:46

thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:38

@mrsconradfisher going to add this to the melting pot!! He may be tempted with this .

Loads of museums in Milan with lots of pointy things too!! The Duomo is amazing even though I had a huge panic attack on the way up…it’s a stone spiral staircase with no handrail and no where to stop and breathe. In hindsight I should have got the lift but I was trying to be brave and fun Mum!!

We stayed in the Crowne Plaza Milan City, one of the only ones we found in Milan with a pool.

AllosaurusMum · 25/01/2025 20:43

Why are you leaving your son out?

Original poster
thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:41

wizzywig · 25/01/2025 20:39

God yeah leave him at home. That's what I do. We have great hols without him. If I feel like I'm missing him, I call him and switch the camera on so he can see what is going on. He'll inevitably start talking about something really dull. And I get off the phone happy that I didn't go with him.

Sold!

OP posts:
wizzywig · 25/01/2025 20:39

God yeah leave him at home. That's what I do. We have great hols without him. If I feel like I'm missing him, I call him and switch the camera on so he can see what is going on. He'll inevitably start talking about something really dull. And I get off the phone happy that I didn't go with him.

Original poster
thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:38

@mrsconradfisher going to add this to the melting pot!! He may be tempted with this .

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goingdownfighting · 25/01/2025 20:36

Tell him to book the next holiday. Meanwhile you plan yours.

mrsconradfisher · 25/01/2025 20:35

thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:22

That sounds great - so you didn't need a car?

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No not at all. We flew into Milan Malpensa with Ryanair. Station is literally in the airport so got the train to main train station. Then walked from there to our hotel which was right next to a metro stop.
Used metro to get into centre of Milan when we wanted to go, it was really easy and took about 10 minutes. Did some shopping, visited some museums and parks, went up the Duomo and ate loads of pasta and pizza. I found a hotel with a pool (quite unusual in centre of Milan) so we went back to hotel in afternoon and lounged round the pool then went out in the evening.
I always wanted to go to Lake Como and Garda but didn’t want to stay there so this was ideal.
Trains are so cheap and reliable. Think it cost us €25-€30 for all of us to go to Lake Como and similar to Lake Garda. Once you get to the lakes, there are ferries to go between them. We then went to Bergamo on the day before we came home, bit of a last minute choice but we were shattered and missed the train to Verona as overslept! Bergamo was amazing too but hadn’t been on our list to visit.
It would have been my DH’s idea of hell…I’m the busy one and he likes to relax! We literally didn’t stop all week but had the best time. DS1 started Uni in September so it was extra special to have that time with him. Honestly I wish I’d have done it years ago.

Original poster
thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:34

@comedycentral hilarious 😆

OP posts:
comedycentral · 25/01/2025 20:34

thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:31

@comedycentral nail on the head here. I will relax more without him. Just feel guilty spending the money and time away without him.

Just say 'Why don't you plan a lovely weekend away for yourself'

If he continues to grumble you could get one of those photo books, fill it with previous photos of him on holiday with some of his memorable quotes next to it 'It's too hot' 'Food was too spicy' 'It's not cultured enough' 'It's too cultured' 😆

Original poster
thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:34

@AnnaMagnani yes I will suggest this, I may even say I'll take child this year, he can do next year.

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Original poster
thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:32

@PullTheBricksDown the constructive criticism made me laugh. He always insists he doesn't want anything to do with booking, likes to discover it all when he's there. This inevitably leads to the critical analysis of the places I've spent weeks researching and trying to talk to him about!

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Original poster
thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:31

@comedycentral nail on the head here. I will relax more without him. Just feel guilty spending the money and time away without him.

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AnnaMagnani · 25/01/2025 20:30

@thismummydrinksgin in that case why don't you alternate? This year you plan it, next year he plans it.

And when he fails to plan anything you get a nice last minute sunshine break with the kids. Without him.

Original poster
thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:29

Cherrysoup · 25/01/2025 20:27

Do it! I never take or try to take my dh on the annual family long weekend, he’d grin and bear it, but he’d hate it. Just take yourself and dd and have a brilliant time.

I feel a bit like we should be having lovely family holidays like everyone else but I'm at the point that I forcing something that won't happen x

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Original poster
thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:28

AnnaMagnani · 25/01/2025 19:39

Have you asked him what he wants to do on holiday? Does he actually get one day of go to a walk to a pub on your holiday?

It sounds as if he has given feedback - not too hot, not interested in the beach, doesn't like the pool. And yet you are planning booking a summer holiday in Turkey.

lol I know, despite me loving the beach, a pool and the sun have spent the last five years trudging round various UK resorts and no matter what I do or where we go we just don't have a nice time. He absolutely gets to do what he wants and holidays are always booked around there being a pub we can walk to. Honestly I'd quite like a year for me!

OP posts:
PullTheBricksDown · 25/01/2025 20:28

thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:23

He does hate holidays, just hoping he doesn't feel too hard done too if he's left !

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Oh I imagine he will. But you can point out that you've tried your best. In fact, say that this year you're booking the holiday you and DD want and next year he can choose the holiday - provided, of course, that he researches it, finds it and books it himself, and allows you and DD to offer constructive feedback 😉 on the plans before the booking is finalised. If for whatever reason that doesn't happen, guess you can do it your way again 🤷‍♀️

Cherrysoup · 25/01/2025 20:27

Do it! I never take or try to take my dh on the annual family long weekend, he’d grin and bear it, but he’d hate it. Just take yourself and dd and have a brilliant time.

comedycentral · 25/01/2025 20:26

thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:23

He does hate holidays, just hoping he doesn't feel too hard done too if he's left !

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He sounds like one of life's moaners; he will moan whether he stays or goes.

If you go without him, at least you won't hear him.

Original poster
thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:25

ColinOfficeTrolley · 25/01/2025 19:28

Don't take a 13yo girl to turkey. Sorry to say, but she will get perved on and leered at when you're out and about.

Deffo go Greece, minus the grump.

Thanks this is helpful and I was a little concerned x

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Original poster
thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:25

Ace56 · 25/01/2025 19:20

Absolutely do it, and let him know exactly why. If he complains, ask him what kind of holiday he’d like to go on, as everything you’ve tried he complains about.

Yes I think the penny will drop. I have said as much today. Stories changed a little from his perspective.

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Original poster
thismummydrinksgin · 25/01/2025 20:24

JustMeHello · 25/01/2025 19:19

Do you always do the same sort of holiday, or do you vary it? Or take it in turns to choose where to go?

Since Covid we have done UK breaks, I try to book near a beach for the kids and the dog but he hates the beach so last year I booked in rural wales (he loves wales) and even that didn't hit the spot as there wasn't enough to do etc etc

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