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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to go in my garden without my neighbours being intrusive

219 replies

RandomMess · 25/01/2025 14:41

As soon as the neighbours spot either of us put in either our front or back garden they mysteriously need to come outside for a wander and then just have to interrupt us.

I get their world is small but I just want to be left alone to do what I need to.

It is ruining any enjoyment I could potentially have if I ever actually got to use my garden instead of avoiding being out there at all.

I need to tidy up after the high winds. Managed to be out for 10 minutes max before they appeared so I've come in for a cuppa.

Sad
OP posts:
SallyWD · 25/01/2025 16:21

Our neighbours are like this. They're an absolutely lovely retired couple. I really like them and have invited them round for a cup of tea many times. However, sometimes I just want to nip into the garden and be there in peace but they always rush out to chat. Once we chatted for two hours!! And I just couldn't find an opportunity to get away.
I don't know the answer to this problem.

AGovernmentOfLawsNotOfMen · 25/01/2025 16:21

MN ( me anyway ) likes pictures / diagrams in these situations.
It might help with suggestions OP

as an aside we’ve finally decided to just move because of our neighbours. 30/40syrs ( as you mentioned age ) and extremely aggressive. We park 1metre from the front door, check our ring doorbell to make sure they aren’t wandering around and then dive into the car. I haven’t walked down the drive in 3years so the weeds are now really high, it’s so embarrassing. We get our sons to mow out the front. It’s horrible. Life’s too short.

RandomMess · 25/01/2025 16:20

@WhereYouLeftIt that would probably be the most effective approach which I could do on the rare occasion I was in the right frame of mind to say it.

When the weather is nice enough they sit out the front all day.

Nothing in our close goes unnoticed 🤣

OP posts:
RandomMess · 25/01/2025 16:18

@Scorchio84 that it is it.

I am happy to chat to them when I have time, I would even go around for a cuppa if I were invited and we agreed a time and day it's the being pounced on.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 25/01/2025 16:16

@BeeCucumber good idea but we live on top of a hill completely exposed 🤣

Our front garden is our sunny place to sit.

I play can I get out the car and into the house without them appearing. 😂

Honestly they have put me off retiring because their world has become so small so quickly. Their daughter lives a 20 minute drive away, she visits about twice a year. Not sure the son ever does.

OP posts:
BreatheAndFocus · 25/01/2025 16:14

I second the headphones. Just get cheap ones for £10, shove them in and go out. When they speak to you ostentatiously remove one headphone from your ear, and say, “Hi Bob. Couldn’t hear you. I’m listening to a course/lecture/work.” Then turn your back and ignore them.

BeeCucumber · 25/01/2025 16:13

Strategically placed shade sails?

Scorchio84 · 25/01/2025 16:12

This is beyond annoying, now granted I don't have it anymore (apartment) but it's so intrusive & actually forces you to become either a "rude person" or a silent fuming angry one & it ruins the enjoyment of being outside enjoying your garden

RandomMess · 25/01/2025 16:12

I can and do handle them, we CANNOT create any sort of tall fence or boundary without getting major £15k of work to sort out retaining walls. We do. It have your typical rear garden arrangement akin to them have right of way.

I want to be able to talk to DH without them there, I want to go out without them appearing within 5 minutes. Knowing they watch out for us (nowt else that they do) just pisses me off

They aren't horrible, just incredibly hard work and the man is difficult.

For example in the front DH dug a trench, some weeks later I was out there in gardening gear with numerous 2-4 feet shrubs/bushes and 3/4 bags of compost.

"What are you doing with that trench"

So I replied very nicely

"What do you think I'm doing?"

"Putting in hedge"

Again nicely

"Well shrubs, yes" and the spoken bit - so when they reach 5' I can be in my fucking front garden and you don't stand there and watch me 🤬

And breathe.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 25/01/2025 16:03

RandomMess · 25/01/2025 14:52

It's always an interrogation.

They complain about anything and everything so we're always on edge about what they are going to say.

I got commentary on running my car engine to use the tyre air compressor. Fuck Off.

Well - yes. That is what you need to communicate to them.

I'd start by interrogating them for a change.

'Bob, every time I'm in my garden I can guarantee you'll come out and start nipping my ear. Why is that? Are you actually watching and waiting? Because I can't see any other way it can happen. That's really fucking creepy, Bob. Really fucking creepy.'

I might move on to -

'I should log your behaviour. Date and time that I or DH come into the garden, how long it takes you or Roberta to come out and start nipping away. Really fucking creepy, Bob. Really fucking creepy.'

AGovernmentOfLawsNotOfMen · 25/01/2025 15:58

Fence
Trellis with thick growing plants
Hedge

You can buy pre-grown hedges quite high these days.
Id still go for a fence and planting myself though

short term hassle will lead to long term enjoyment of your garden

Cherrysoup · 25/01/2025 15:58

I’d tell him you’re finding him intrusive. Just say ‘Don’t mind chatting out front but in the back, we want to get on/do jobs/have peace’. Don’t apologise, you aren’t in the wrong for wanting some bloody peace!

MyDeftDuck · 25/01/2025 15:56

Just carry on with the task that you're wanting to do, so hello (don't be rude to them) and work away - engage in conversation and they will never get the message.

Nanny0gg · 25/01/2025 15:51

Put trellis on the top of the fence. Plant tall shrubs, preferably prickly ones

Onlyonekenobe · 25/01/2025 15:50

Look, if someone doesn't get a hint, you need to be more direct.

"I can't chat with you Bob, I need to do this."

Turn your back and get on with whatever he's doing.

If he continues talking to your back, ignore and keep ignoring.

He will stop eventually.

People who behave like toddlers need to be treated like toddlers.

LindorDoubleChoc · 25/01/2025 15:44

ChristmasGrinch24 · 25/01/2025 14:43

Start gardening nude.

Excellent!

LlynTegid · 25/01/2025 15:44

You will have to be blunt which may not be the ideal.

Yodabashi · 25/01/2025 15:43

Oh god my neighbour is/was the same! It doesn't matter what we were doing, he'd pop up and simply have to offer a bigger tool / a better decision on what needs doing/ a bigger, better everything... and he'd love to chat for hours! He always knew what was going on in the street (cos he'd go over and ask/stand there while they're doing whatever - and giving his advice)

He was a 'Cheeky Chappie, everyone loves me, right' character, but he went too far last year and really pissed me off, to the extent I told him I'd go to the Police if he spoke to me again. (Sexual harassment - these people always seem to think I welcome their opinion on my clothing, hair, size, looks, sense of humour..Hmm.)

That may be the nuclear option, OP. Worked for me so far.

barofsoap · 25/01/2025 15:41

Oh I would hate this - had some neighbours in our last house who always wanted to chat - very tricky, really put me off going in the garden. We moved house (not because of that) and it is very nice now to have a more private garden

BeLilacSloth · 25/01/2025 15:40

My sister had this with her neighbour, she put up a huge fence.

blahblah89 · 25/01/2025 15:37

I could understand your problem if they are sweet people and you don't want to offend, but given they aren't very nice. I'd ignore or engage at such a low level they wouldn't bother. Failing that I'd be really blunt and say I haven't got time to talk.

freakyfriday23 · 25/01/2025 15:30

I'd do a Larry David and be blunt/honest. I'd tell them that m extremely private and feeling a bit suffocated because of this obligation to have to chat more frequently than is comfortable and that in the back garden you need to be left alone. No room for misunderstanding. I've done similar a fair few times in my life....it has worked. Best of luck op

QuimCarrey · 25/01/2025 15:20

If you can't have fences, you need to look into some kind of plant barrier.

Also, if they're always complaining then your relationship can't be that good anyway? In which case, it doesn't matter if you offend them by telling them you don't have time to speak to them.

Æthelred · 25/01/2025 15:19

"I'm so glad you're here.
Can you come and have a look at the dog?
I think he he's got rabies."

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 25/01/2025 15:17

RandomMess · 25/01/2025 14:49

Can't do headphones when we are out together trying to fix stuff/prune trees etc FML

Can't have fences without getting major work done - very complicated to explain. Plus digging up a heap of very thick concrete.

When our roof is replaced in the summer I hope it pisses them off 🤬

Why can’t you do big headphones but have nothing playing- they don’t need to know there is nothing playing

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