To want to go in my garden without my neighbours being intrusive

Can you say in a jokingly kind of way “everytime I’m outside you seem to have a sixth sense that I’m here … either that or your watching and waiting for me?” Maybe they’ll take the hint?

Dear neighbours. You're giving me the hump, now go away and haunt someone else!

It really is.

So both wear headphones but have little notebooks to communicate!

We had neighbours like this, twice!
First lot were friendly but very odd, definitely with mental health problems and the interactions were always unwelcome and disconcerting. The second we went out in the back garden they would be out in theirs within minutes, they cut all the hedge down so the gardens were no longer private from each other. It was awful.
Second lot were retired and really unfriendly, they were always in their garden and would sit silently right next to the fence not staying a word to each other every hour of the day that it was not raining. So not doing anything wrong but it felt so oppressive and we were always inhibited and self concious with our interactions as a family as you could just feel them listening to everything. They would also get nasty if our two DC made much noise playing, I'm quite strict with mine about noise anyway and they are quiet kids generally and obviously at school during the week but that miserable pair expected them to be silent. Never mind the fact that their nasty yapping dogs never shut up from morning till night.
We now live in a detached with a lot of distance between the neighbours and we made a lot of sacrifices financially, geographical location and condition of the house in order to be able to be detached. It has been well worth it and I appreciate it every single day.

My neighbours are exactly like this. Ok people (if I ignore the awful racism) but I don't want to chat every time I go out of the door. They once came round (whilst I was in, but WFH) because it started raining and brought my washing in. I was very unimpressed they had my knickers in their house! The guy popped out the other day whilst I was sat in the car defrosting it, just to say happy New year. They popped round with cake at 10.45pm one night because they thought I'd enjoy it. Knocked on the front door and asked me to go out back where they handed me a lager and expected me to stand and chat for an hour....I bought the house for the nice garden so when I can afford it I will be replacing all the fencing so they just can't see me.

Op, I’m here with solidarity, I have the exact problem. It drives me up the wall. I have trees and bushes I can hide behind but invariably the second I step out I’ll realise my error.

They’re actually really nice, mid 80’s, but ALWAYS in the garden, and if not they’ll be out if I go.

Their summerhouse is raised and on the top of the garden slope so they’re like all seeing eyes. It’s depressing!

Even putting washing out becomes a mad dash to not get caught 😔

I planted a tree on the border last year. There’s a hedge between us and he’s constantly shearing it lower. I’m hoping the huge tree I’ve planted grows quickly 😂

It's suffocating isn't it, everyone should be able to relax on their own property.

I have an chair in my passageway right near the front door sometimes if i just want an little fresh air I sit there and thats when i noticed when ever i open my front door the women next door opens her door too no matter what time of day it is its just strange.

I have the same. If i go to get something from the garage the neighbour just happens to appear....then chats for ages..generally slating people in the road that aren't as good as him etc etc. I've.taken to checking if they are home before going to the garage...or I am always on my phone as I walk to and from.
But I also get caught in the back garden as their garden is higher than mine :( will be out playing with the dog and again he appears. Urgh. Puts me off going outside the house!!

This happens to me in the front garden .. most people will just say hello gardens looking good maybe chat for 5/10 mins that's ok and its friendly but one particular person.. I'll run in before they can get to me 🤣
Back garden is private.. have you got a 6ft fence if not get one.. if that fails you are going to have to be blunt there is a line and they're crossing it .

@RandomMess
. I’d think myself lucky in your situation. My 30,40 ish year old neighbours are aggressive.
Like you we’re stuck getting out of the house but more likely to be abused than have to put up with idle chatter.

Your external situation is terrible re boundaries. I’d move. You could one day end up with the real neighbours from hell.

no idea why I tagged you there Pclou

Evil plot twist occurred to me: if you indulge the chats and endure a few years of cups of tea, the kids (who might be LC now but will turn up as soon as there’s any inheritance to be had) could find themselves out of the will and eventually your house could double in size .xx haha

If you can’t make a boundary then how about a long washing line with big sheets hung on it. If they start bothering you then block them with the sheets pulled across. Remove when they disappear. It’ll be like training a dog but they’ll learn.

People are only trying to help and offer up their stories and what worked for them 🤷‍♀️ nobody is trying to get your back up. Did you just want everyone to say one word YANBU and leave it at that? If there is literally nothing you can do or want to do or you have already tried everything then put your house on the market because clearly it won't improve unless one of you moves. The garden set up doesn't work for you and cant be altered and even if your neighbour did move, you could get someone equally as invasive. It will drive you nuts and what's the point of a view if you can't go outside to enjoy it. Misery is shite neighbours.

Well you could have been clearer that you didn’t want any advice or feedback, just a chance to have a whinge about annoying neighbours with no intention of taking any action whatsoever OP!

OP, I get where you're coming from. I had a lovely elderly NDN whose wife died & then he started to come out to speak to me whenever I left the house - but only at the front, thank goodness. He could see me getting my car out of the garage & putting it away, which gave him time to come out & intercept me.

As I say, he was lovely but it made me feel I couldn't go about my life without being 'caught'. When he died I was genuinely sad but it also felt like getting my freedom back.

The only solutions I can see you have are either

a) politely tell the neighbour you are too busy to talk or not really in a talkative mood or telling them you like your privacy in the back garden.
b) screen off their viewpoints somehow if you cannot put up a fence or plant a hedge in the ground, find another way to screen like those sail things or parasols or potted tall plants to obscure areas of your garden.

When it began happening to us, it was really annoying. However when we looked at the bigger picture, the neighbours we have don't cause us any bother. They are not rowdy or the nightmare ones we have read about on here. We've never had a cross word with either side. We say hello whenever we see each other in passing. Soon they won't be able to look over the back garden fences because of the planting we have put in. I love my privacy in the back garden. We have been working hard over the last few years to take it from the blank canvas it was to the flower filled garden we now have. It is a big transformation so I guess that they are just interested in it. The front garden will be worked on later this year or next year, so we will probably have the same thing happen out there, especially as the back garden will be screened from view. There is not much I can do about them looking over from the upstairs windows other than the parasols over the seating areas.

If none of solutions suits you then you have to speak to them. Or move house.

As hard as it is, I think you must be direct: "We really don't want to talk right now.. We'd just like to be private in the garden. Thank you".

Other than that, I'd move. Honestly. I'd be miserable.

Personally, I'd be down the garden centre investing in some hedging (or even bamboo but in planters only) immediately. I couldn't put up with that. Other than that, all I can suggest is saying hello and then firmly telling them you have to get on, turning your back and just answering in one word answers until they fuck off. You'll have to rude it out. I'd have a gazebo with the side on or a sail awning or willow/hazel screens -anything and everything it more difficult for them to see you. Front garden is going to be more difficult obviously, but the back you should be able to make more private.

The ‘we cannot have fences” rules is going to have be sorted out. Come on. Put in 2m fences that can easily be bolted into concrete. A decent fencing contractor will resolve this for you. The problem neighbours will disappear. Be sensible, this can be fixed. Stop behaving like victims and be a bit assertive.