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AIBU?

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Original poster

talk me down from being furious!

210 replies

furiousnana · 25/01/2025 13:31

name changed.. but at this point i don't care if anyone knows who i am, i'm that furious at the moment and need talking down. I suffer with anxiety over germs etc.

have just picked up SS's for a road trip to be informed that one of them is off work at the moment with an infectious blood infection, he's admitted that he's probably caught it by not washing his hands properly however assures me that it can only be passed on by consuming his poo!!

he has known that he has this infection for atleast 4 days, he can't remember the name of whatever it is it's called.

AIBU in a couple of things... 1. he could have told me/us before we picked him up so that I could have done my goggling and perhaps been ok with him being in the car, and 2. we are due to have his child next weekend for a sleep over, of which he's been at home with now all week.

i'm so furious right now and not really thinking straight! I have 2 grown up DD's both with serious heart conditions, and 1 is currently pregnant!

AIBU in cancelling the sleep over plans
YANBU?

OP posts:
Piloom · 25/01/2025 14:05

furiousnana · 25/01/2025 14:00

no idea if the child has it or not. to be honest he wouldn't tell us anyway, always sending child for sleepovers when poorly and telling us litterally as they drop him off where we have no choice but to let him stay!

he's clearly not bothered, and his partner is currently out with the child meeting friends today and they have plans to meet elderly great grandparents tomorrow?

am i over-reacting? or are they just oblivious and selfish?

Show quote history

Well, either he has remarkably poor taste in pranks, or his personal and professional hygiene is extremely poor. Either way, he's not someone I'd particularly want to be around, whether or not he has dysentery.

MrsSunshine2b · 25/01/2025 14:04

It's your husband's child. You can't just not look after your child because they are sick and you don't like germs. What if his Mum was also a germaphobe?

Original poster
furiousnana · 25/01/2025 14:04

Mrsbloggz · 25/01/2025 14:00

It all sounds very peculiar 😳

i know! i honestly don't know if he is winding us up? he could have told us at any point in the past 4 days when he alledges to have known since, yet chose to wait until he was sat in my car!

i can only assume he never told us before this because he knew full well i would have questions and i would most certainly NOT be taking him anywhere!!

OP posts:
Original poster
furiousnana · 25/01/2025 14:00

BilboBlaggin · 25/01/2025 13:55

I wouldn't go near him if he does have this and your DH should leave him be too. Definitely cancel the sleepover. Symptoms can apparently last for weeks. Does the child have it too? I think it can take several days from infection for symptoms to present, so don't feel obliged to have the child at yours if you feel unsafe.

no idea if the child has it or not. to be honest he wouldn't tell us anyway, always sending child for sleepovers when poorly and telling us litterally as they drop him off where we have no choice but to let him stay!

he's clearly not bothered, and his partner is currently out with the child meeting friends today and they have plans to meet elderly great grandparents tomorrow?

am i over-reacting? or are they just oblivious and selfish?

OP posts:
Mrsbloggz · 25/01/2025 14:00

It all sounds very peculiar 😳

BilboBlaggin · 25/01/2025 13:55

I wouldn't go near him if he does have this and your DH should leave him be too. Definitely cancel the sleepover. Symptoms can apparently last for weeks. Does the child have it too? I think it can take several days from infection for symptoms to present, so don't feel obliged to have the child at yours if you feel unsafe.

Ringpeace · 25/01/2025 13:55

It's a bit of a poor joke if it is a wind up.

Original poster
furiousnana · 25/01/2025 13:51

Ringpeace · 25/01/2025 13:48

"works for the NHS" could mean he's employed by the post room.

If he is a HCP did he buy his qualifications from the internet? Because he doesn't sound much of a professional.

Edited

he's a HCA? band 3! and i questioned why he was touching someones bloody arm without gloves and he said he wa giving out lunches and someone showed him their arm which was bleeding so he grabbed it to stem the flow and that 6 other staff came to help!

i really am hoping this is a wind up, he has been known to tell tall tales in the past, but surely even this is too far fetched to make up?

OP posts:
Ringpeace · 25/01/2025 13:48

"works for the NHS" could mean he's employed by the post room.

If he is a HCP did he buy his qualifications from the internet? Because he doesn't sound much of a professional.

Original poster
furiousnana · 25/01/2025 13:48

TinyGingerCat · 25/01/2025 13:44

So he's a HCA who is touching blood with his bare hands and then putting his fingers in his mouth? But he's not sure what he's been diagnosed with but he thinks it's shigella? This doesn't make sense.

honestly... this is the story he has just told me and DH when we picked him up! when i pushed for a name (cos DH is still with him) he replied with the word Shigella not shingles!!)

OP posts:
RunnerDown · 25/01/2025 13:48

Very difficult to make any sense of what’s going on with him. Only thing you might get by touching a patient without washing your hands - and have 6 other folk in the ward off with it too is something like norovirus. And folk with norovirus are usulery only able to manage to travel between their bed and the toilet.
But that’s not a blood infection . No idea what that could be except hepatitis which seems very unlikely and all nhs staff are required to£ to be vaccinated against it

porridgebath · 25/01/2025 13:47

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 25/01/2025 13:46

Are you certain he is not winding you up, OP, knowing your strong feelings about germs? If he's got an infections blood infection he'll surely be feeling really ill, not setting off on a road trip?

If he's doing that I'd disown him

bottlemom · 25/01/2025 13:47

So you can only catch it if you touch his poo, but he caught it from blood. How does that work then

Original poster
furiousnana · 25/01/2025 13:46

Piloom · 25/01/2025 13:36

But has he seen a doctor and been diagnosed? I mean, that's essentially dysentery, isn't it?

Show quote history

as far as i know, he's had tests through work... been taking anti-biotics and has another test on tuesday (he works for the NHS)

OP posts:
SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 25/01/2025 13:46

Are you certain he is not winding you up, OP, knowing your strong feelings about germs? If he's got an infections blood infection he'll surely be feeling really ill, not setting off on a road trip?

Original poster
furiousnana · 25/01/2025 13:45

NigelHarmansNewWife · 25/01/2025 13:37

Shigella is dysentry. Are you sure he isn't winding you up? Where the hell has he been to catch it?

i genuinely don't know! he works at a hospital. says hes on anti-biotics and has to have another test on tuesday? he says the only way it can be spread is if someone touches his poop and doesnt wash their hands properly? i can only go by what he's told us... i've dropped them off where they were going now, and come home to google.

i do have a habit of over-reacting and i know this which is why i need MN to be real with me

OP posts:
TinyGingerCat · 25/01/2025 13:44

So he's a HCA who is touching blood with his bare hands and then putting his fingers in his mouth? But he's not sure what he's been diagnosed with but he thinks it's shigella? This doesn't make sense.

Original poster
furiousnana · 25/01/2025 13:42

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 25/01/2025 13:39

Where did he get that, has he actually been diagnosed? It's Dysentry

from work. he is a HCA and said he touched a patients arm to stem bleeding and this is how he got it... he says that 6 other staff are off with it!

OP posts:
TinyGingerCat · 25/01/2025 13:41

If he had shigella he'd be really unwell and it's not something you would forget the name of - or something you would casually mention before embarking on a road trip. It's essentially dysentry and nobody would want to travel if they had that.

Original poster
furiousnana · 25/01/2025 13:41

Notgivenuphope · 25/01/2025 13:35

I suffer with anxiety over germs etc.

What treatment are you getting for this? Apart from your obsessive googling of course

i do not get help with my MH issues, i've been assessed many times whenever i have reached out for help, but sadly my needs are classed as 'too complex' for the NHS to deal with, and i have to go private and at the moment funds do not allow for me to do this.

i'm usually ok with it, I'm not at OCD level, i just have panic attacks and anxiety over new and unknown things.

i just feel on this occasion, my concern is not just my anxiety playing up

OP posts:
boulevardofbrokendreamss · 25/01/2025 13:39

Where did he get that, has he actually been diagnosed? It's Dysentry

ExtraOnions · 25/01/2025 13:38

It’s a very rare infection .. just looked it up and it says there are about 400 cases a year. Mostly caught by Rimming apparently. (You learn something new every day)

It is diagnosed ?

HouseFullOfChaos · 25/01/2025 13:38

I don't think anyone would be ok with this even without germ anxiety. I would cancel the sleepover next week, ask him to go home now and disinfect anything he's touched.

khaa2091 · 25/01/2025 13:37

Hepatitis A is transmitted like this (and can be vaccinated against).

porridgebath · 25/01/2025 13:37

Is this an adult step son? I'd be booting him out. He doesn't give a shit about you and your family so time to make it clear you don't give a shit about him either

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