to say that I won't do two 60 minute round trips so she can see her friend?

If it’s time/ effort then yes you are being a bit mean, but if it’s money then you have to do what you have to do. It’s a bit of a shame for her though so I’d probably rearrange after pay day. Assuming it’s about 30 miles the costs can’t be more than £20?

30 minutes trip. Can she go by bus or train?

We live rurally so friends often live far away as the schools have large catchment areas, and there is poor public transport.
So I'm often doing rather long journeys to enable my son's friendships and his hobbies.
It's one downside of where we live.
Affording fuel isn't a problem for me.

Are you happy to do it if you can afford the fuel?

I'm not doing it all the time - I have a job and my own interests, but weekends, school holidays and the odd evening will often see me driving about.

I had 3 kids who used to ask me to do this and my answer was always "find someone local to hang out with and you can play with x when you see her in school".

I've got 3 kids and work full time I just cannot be arsed to spend time ferrying kids to and from peoples houses.

If I couldn’t do it this weekend I would make a solid plan for when I would.
because it takes effort to maintain a friendship with someone who moves Away and your daughter wishes to keep that friiendship

If you can’t afford the fuel then you’ll just have to explain that to her.
Generally (when fuel can be afforded) I’d do the occasional trip to let her visit her friend and find something to do in the area - read a book in a cafe, go for a walk, shopping etc and give your Dd and her friend 3 hrs or so to catch up before collecting her, so you don’t need to do the journey twice.

I think you should tell your daughter you cant afford it.

If I was the other parent who didn’t drive, I know I would happily pay for the diesel if my Dd wanted to see her friend badly and it saved me so much driving time. But I guess it depends on their finances as well.

Another idea might be sort out a local town/shopping centre that both girls (and the parents can get to). They’d only be able to have a couple of hours together, but that surely is better than nothing.

Well, if you can't afford the fuel, that's the end of the matter. In future, I wouldn't have an issue driving my child 30min to see their friend. (The school run is a 1hr round trip for me, walking, twice a day, so I supposed I don't see the hardship in a 1-off trip to see a mate.) Is there a bus/train your child could get to their friend's house? At 12, they're old enough to get there on their own. If not, can the kids meet somewhere central to them both?

Diesel costs aside, yes I would do this without a second thought, especially if the friend's parents are happy for her to stay all day - realistically you're talking about leaving home at 10am, being back by 11, and not having to go and fetch her again until maybe 6? That doesn't seem like a major disruption to my day, or an unreasonable amount of driving.

Why can't she catch the train at 12?

Why do you think she's too young for the train?

At 12 presumably she's in secondary, so gets herself to school, or at least should be capable of it.

As long as it's in daylight, why not start to broaden her independence by getting the train?

Why don't you just stay over there and make a day of it yourself instead of coming back to go back?

Agree. I would do it for my kids too. I think is a bit mean.

Why can’t she get the bus/train? Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

No, I don’t think I would do this again in hindsight. Encourage local friendships instead.

I regret the effort I put into keeping the friendship going, to be honest. I did all the driving too as their parent doesn’t drive and at Christmas, I drove and collected friend and parent and took them home later in the evening after feeding them too.

Annoying thing is friend seems to have dropped DS now having made new friends and is never available to meet up and has also stopped going to the hobby activity they both used to attend.

What's the public transport option? May be cheaper with bus fare cap or day ticket than driving. Then find something to do locally and travel back together. Then when she's old enough she can do the journey by herself if the friendship endures.

We didn't drive out sons around that much compared to others, they got the bus where possible, but yes I would think if it was at each ened of a whole day I would do this. But fuel costs aren't an issue so if you can't afford to do it don't.

I would compromise and arrange a meet up in Feb half term. I’d explain it’s too short notice and too expensive this month.
Let them FaceTime instead x

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Leave it to another time. At twelve she should understand this.

I think I'd do it but I'd shorten the time so you could wait around somewhere if that would help cost of fuel for you.

Will friend be able to meet up in your area on an equal basis ever? That aspect might need tweaking for future meet ups. What exactly is the problem with a sleepover anyway? I thought pre teens loved them.

Will they be going to the same school, and secondary school? If not, I think the friendship might die out eventually. But if they are at the same school, maybe not.

I mean, the fuel is one thing and if you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

But half an hour is hardly a long journey. We drive further than that just to go to the cinema, lol.

In general I would absolutely do it, but if I couldn't afford the petrol then of course it would be a no, and I would expect a 12 year old to understand that.

Yes I would do it. We moved an hour away and I occasionally do a 2 hour round trip for my son to see his old friend from school - usually I just take him and his friend out locally or stick around for a few hours and do something myself to save doing the journey twice.

I wouldn't have a problem with the timing. It's just the kind of annoying thing you do for Children I have previously done an 8 hour round trip for DS to take part in a race that lasted less than a minute and a 4 hour round trip then sat in a car park for about 6 hours waiting for DD and her mates to watch a concert.

However if you can't afford the fuel then that settles it really.