to say that I won't do two 60 minute round trips so she can see her friend?

I wouldn't mind the driving but if the cost is an issue for you then that's a valid reason to say no. If it's a once in a while thing and not an every weekend thing then I'd probably be inclined to say yes. Hopefully her friend's family will make the same effort to keep the girls in touch and it won't all be one way!

That might be the case for you, but OP said the reason her DD doesn’t get the train is because she’s too young

I would take her.

It’s an hour with a huge chunk of time in between each drive and it sounds like no one asking for it to be a weekly thing. I honestly don’t understand why this is being seen as a big deal.

Yes, of course. Done this many times.

Assuming you drive at around 30-50 mph, and your car does somewhere between 30-50 miles per gallon, a one-hour drive shouldn’t use more than about one gallon of diesel. Diesel is around £1.50 per gallon. Therefore, the total for two one-hour journeys shouldn’t cost more than £3 - £5 tops - unless you drive an extremely fuel guzzling truck!

Obviously, if you can’t afford £3-£5 then just explain this to your dd. Alternatively, if she has any pocket money saved, then you could tell her if she really wants to visit her friend she will have to pay something towards the fuel. However, if the overwhelming reason you don’t want to do it is because you have had a hectic week, have lots of things still to do and don’t want to give up two hours of your time, you could suggest dd does a couple of chores for you as a ‘trade’ for your time. You might find that giving dd the option of contributing towards fuel or chores suddenly makes visiting her friend far less appealing! 🤣🤣

I don’t consider half an hour to be far, it’s pretty much just up the road so it occur to me that it would be a problem. However if you can’t afford the fuel then that’s perfectly reasonable to say no on those grounds

Train, what fecking train?? And how far is the nearest station to where OP’s DD wants to visit? 🤣

Where I grew up the nearest train station was an hour away by car.

Where I live now, the nearest station is over 100 mins drive away. There are also no rural bus services here so you either drive or you walk miles.

I'd do it effort-wise, but if you can't afford it of course YANBU. I think 12 is old enough to hear "that's just a bit too expensive for me this month, sweetheart, let's try and find a time in February or March that works for her."

I didnt realise you said she is too young for the train, why is that?

She is secondary school age, possibly year 8 by now, she should be capable of independent travel

How is she too young to take the train or bus? I did it every day for school. All my friends lived at least half an hour away (in all directions, it was a rural area) and I always took public transport to get to them.

No bus or train? Although that is not likely to be cheaper than fuel but she might have a school transport pass she can use?

I would do it. We don't drive and we used to joke about how our DC seemed to choose to have the kids who lived furthest away as friends. He went to a CofE secondary and his best pals were the out of catchment kids, one was a 50 minute train ride away. If your DC is 12 it will get better as she becomes old enough to get the bus, train etc. to go visit herself

I would, but I’m fortunate and can afford the fuel. If you really can’t afford it then there isn’t a debate to be had. The fact that you are asking makes it look as though the fuel isn’t really the issue.

It's not that far.
Unless you genuinely can't afford to take her then YABU.

Same, at 12 she should be more than capable, surely?

If you can’t afford it, then you can’t do it. Is train/bus an option? Mine started unaccompanied traveling about first year of secondary. Life360 app is your friend here…

But, yes I would - we choose to live rurally, 20 min to the train station, so this kind of outing is normal for us. I take collect one teen, DH the other. And this is why we bought them both a car and driving lessons/insurance as it’s our choice to live where there is no public transport.

If you can’t afford it, then it’s a straight out no.

The driving wouldn’t put me off. I’d probably split it with my husband.

I’m still interested in knowing why you think she’s too young to get the train?

I absolutely would. It's not far, really, and if the friendship is important to her then being an obstacle to that would be mean.

I would do it. But not if the cost of fuel was an issue.

That said, if the friend is the one who has moved away, then I'd expect the friends' parents to be bending over backwards to facilitate their child's friendships rather than expecting everyone else to make the running.

I’d do it

I see that the situation is resolved but I agree that taking a train aged 12 would be fine, especially if the friend can meet her at the station at the other end. My kids took the train to school every day from 11, as do millions of other kids. If it's new to her just talk it through and keep in touch while on the train if you're anxious.

Could you take her and spend a couple hours in this town while she sees friend then bring her home? Then you aren’t going back and forth