to say that I won't do two 60 minute round trips so she can see her friend?

She's 12, are you sure she can't get the train? It's the logical solution and unless she's got special needs she's old enough.

Well, what I took from the original post was that she wasn’t keen on doing two one hour round trips and coudn’t afford the fuel, so 🤷‍♀️.

My elderly diesel SUV costs 20p a mile so you are looking at less than £20 and honestly half an hour each way is not that far! Most of my kids' friends are 20 minutes away.

The poor girl just wants to see her friend and she's reliant on you.

Have you time slipped back a few decades ? Diesel is not £1.50 a gallon, it’s around £6 per gallon if you convert the average price per litre. So, calculated this way, OP’s journey would actually cost around £12.

If you genuinely can't afford the fuel, then obviously you can't do it.

Apart from that, I think that driving children around is just part of parenting, and I'd happily do it and wouldn't begrudge it.

@Rosscameasdoody that isn't the issue. The OP threw that in at the end, and when I suggested it wasn't the real issue she said "Ha you caught me".

its not mean - if you can't afford it you can't.

Tell her than you just can't afford it this month but lets plan for another time and see if you and the friend's parents can both share the travel/costs. If the friend's parents are more flush perhaps invite the friend for a sleepover.

@Bogginsthe3rd

And now think just think how much more they could have flourished with more independence in earlier years ! You will never know!

I'm not sure what you mean. They had lots of independence in their earlier years, they also got lifts regularly. Giving a child a lift doesn't mean they can't also go out independently. I don't know why you would draw that conclusion.

We also live rural as others have said school more than an hour round trip. I drove 10 mins to nearest bus link and then they got bus 30 mins to the town. Not a school bus. If they wanted to meet friends at weekend we did the same, friends are so important throughout teens. Ours was always open house anyone could come over and stay too, even a few at a time, but mostly it was the other way round as little to do here.

Compromise it’s nearly half-term get the friend to come to you if her parents bring on train then say you will drive her back next day.

It's a pain in the hoop, but I'd still do it for my child. She's probably missing her friend.

The issue is that OP can’t afford the fuel for the journey.

If the alternative was her not seeing her friend and feeling sad about it then I would take her. But obviously it couldn't be a very frequent thing.

Presumably the other family have to get their kid to your house for play dates? What do they do? I'd hope there might be public transport. Or I guess you could see if her parents want to go halves on using taxis occasionally? Though I don't know if that's any better
At least you wouldn't have to spend the time driving.

And now think just think how much more they could have flourished with more independence in earlier years ! You will never know!

@Pomsy

I kind of get what @Bogginsthe3rd is saying. Kids need to build independence. They can’t do this if they are Constantly being ferried around.

They definitely can. I 'ferried' mine around for years until one learned to drive and the other moved out. Both independent fully functioning adults who manage to get themselves across the world without me.

I’d do it ! She is missing her friend. Kids have no control over their situations. You do and can he keep her .

Of you can’t afford the diesel then you have to ask to arrange for a different weekend. .
Id do the drive for my child though and her happiness .
Put the music on and enjoy the peace on the journeys alone. .

Its a long time since diesel was £1.50 a gallon!
That's the problem with our half arsed conversion to metric in the UK, buy it in litres and then quote consumption in gallons.
Average price of diesel in the UK at the moment is £1.44 a litre so around £6.55 a gallon.

Why is this even a question when you can’t afford it?

Could you take her for a few hours, amuse yourself for this time, then bring her home? Then you’d only have to do one trip. It’s a chance for you to see a new place, have a walk, etc

If you can’t afford it now then you can’t afford it. But work with her and her friend’s family to plan a date when you can take her.

No, not if it causes financial strain. Otherwise yes. You could always get her friend to sleep at yoyr house

When we moved we did this a few times whilst he was settling in, helped with the transition I think, they soon make new friends and stop asking.

Although hands up, the other parents did one trip and we did the other. But if they couldn't we still would have done.

Well obviously you'd explain that you can't afford the diesel but that's the end of it isn't it?

I kind of get what @Bogginsthe3rd is saying. Kids need to build independence. They can’t do this if they are Constantly being ferried around.

I would do it.

What is the logic behind this?