to say that I won't do two 60 minute round trips so she can see her friend?

👍🏼😀

We don't drive, we use public transport, taxis, bike, feet

It's a balance.
I've just got back from doing the grocery shopping and car wash etc.
We have a road diversion so a round trip to town is 1/2hr (twice the normal time). DS2 is in town. I've told him I need at least 2 hours at home before I collect him. If that doesn't suit him then he can walk (4 miles in the dark over the fields).

I think a lot of parents are able and willing to drive their kids about, but also aren't being mugs about it and being at their beck and call.

I often tell DS I'm happy to collect/drop him as long as he keeps me informed ie tell me when he's on the train back to town, or tell me the train they plan to catch, or they've missed the train, or heading off to a friend's house until after dinner. If he doesn't pay me that courtesy then he'll have to accept a wait or a walk.

@soupyspoon

Yes it is, but its also a good thing for them not to need a lift unnecessarily either

Like I asked the other poster, since you have jumped in, why?

Yes it is, but its also a good thing for them not to need a lift unnecessarily either

@soupyspoon

Independence and resilience I would have thought, I would have thought that were obvious

Not at all obvious, or even true. It's entirely possible to teach kids these things and also give them lifts.

Independence and resilience I would have thought, I would have thought that were obvious

My mum didnt drive, I was adept at using bus routes and connections easily, getting on and off trains etc

No, I wouldn't do that if I couldn't afford it.

I would get it scheduled in for after payday though, so the girls have something to look forward to and you know it's in your budget. 12 years old is old enough to understand that money doesn't grow on trees and if it's out of the budget, it's out of the budget.

Seems like you have come to a solution. The alternative had not that been found would have been to do this in two weeks time when it is February.

It is not a bad thing for any child to be aware of how finance can be tight at some times, for some it is all the time. Perhaps use it to look at modest Christmas celebrations in future.

If you can’t afford it then it is what it is but frankly seeing that amount of driving (ignoring the cost) as being such a big thing is a bit pathetic IMO.

I would because it’s important for them to socialise, I done it this morning in fact. When money is an issue I ask them to rearrange and you wouldn’t be unreasonable to suggest that, January is a hard month for everyone.

Surely if she's 12 she's old enough to go on a train? Loads do from starting secondary school

You need to explain the cost of things and say when you get paid and fill the car up you can take her.

Can they get the bus half way to see each other or facetime for now.

I should add, that I completely understand the cost of the fuel, it's just I so often hear people comment on the length of the journeys rather than the cost

You're the parent so what you say goes, she doesn't dictate your life.

You can't afford it/don't want to do it then just say no

She has to accept that she can't get everything she wants in life

30 minutes is a normal journey to the nearest towns/cities around here, I always laugh when people think that's unreasonable.

Glad it's sorted now

If I couldn't afford diesel both ways twice though I would have stayed in the area and done something - window shopping, a walk, read a book or watched Netflix in the car

Just in case there's a next time ☺️

No, if something upsets someone nobody has the right to say that they shouldn't be upset / cry. You are saying that she should be crying at being disappointed/ upset about not seeing her friend. She is perfect entitled to feel how she does. It doesn't matter what caused the upset or disappointment. Someone can be reasonable and still be upset.

It’s a while day, that’s a lot of hanging about. I did many many such trips , and longer, as we live semi rurally with a practically non existent bus service. However, if the OP can’t afford it then it will have to be another time.

I would do on occasion yes if I didn’t have plans

but not if I couldn’t afford it

I would do it if I could afford it, kids cant cover these costs and they have no control over the distance they live from their friends.

But if you cant afford it, you cant afford it. Maybe say you'll take them to do something next weekend after payday.

Yes I would. But I could afford the diesel.

Is your daughter very close to the friend? Did you know the mum well?

If yes to the above, is there anyway you can speak to mum and say you are happy for your daughter to visit in the future, but until you get paid this month it's not feasible as you can't afford the diesel. She might offer a contribution. I have done similar in the past when DS was frequently picked up by another parent. But I offered, they didn't ask.

I would definitely do this, half an hour is not a large distance?

But if you literally can't afford to buy the diesel for the trip then it's a non-starter anyway and that's your answer.

If you really can't afford it then you can't afford it, but I'd probably try.

I would definitely make this trip. Friendships are important.
But, if you can't afford the fuel this week, then explain that and rearrange.