DH and I both work full time. This hasn’t always been the case, we have children (ranging from preschool age to primary age) and when they were smaller I worked part time - I’ve been back to full time for about a year.
When I was part time I did the large majority of the housework/childcare, which was fine as I was working less.
We both work in quite intense (remote luckily) roles that occasionally require working into the evening etc.
DH is stuck in the old dynamic of I should pick up the housework, childcare etc.
Im the default school run parent - if I want or need him to do it I need to ask in advance and block out his diary. I do the after school clubs (thankfully not many - just swimming and one other once a week for one DC). He doesn’t know where the uniforms are so I have to get them ready for him on the rare day I have to travel to a meeting.
I do the cleaning, the food shop, the washing etc etc. Book the kids dentist, check the school app, order school dinners. You name it, I do it. He does the ‘outdoor’ jobs. Only he doesn’t. The bin will be literally overflowing before he takes it out. The grass long and weedy before he decides to cut it etc.
Even bedtimes - we both had a little work to finish after bedtime yesterday, and we said ok let’s get the kids in bed - and he instead went to his office and shut himself in there for 30 mins to work and leaving me to deal with bedtime with overtired kids, all the while knowing I had my own work but that I couldn’t start that until the kids were sorted. He got really cross when I pointed this out to him. Imagine if we both just decided to ignore the kids and finish work instead?!
I am struggling and overwhelmed. He suggested getting a cleaner - I had a lovely lady round for a quote and she quoted £80 a week! Which honestly whilst would do all the jobs that get missed like the blinds and skirting etc, the kids mess up the house (we also have a dog) so quickly that it doesn’t actually help with keeping on top of the house day to day.
I just don’t see why I should pay £300+ a month out of my own pocket because he refuses to help? If we both mucked in just 15 mins a day it would be so much easier.
I don’t know what my AIBU is, because I don’t think I am. For complete context - he pays a higher % of the bills than me as the higher earner in the house but I also pay for a lot so proportionately it’s about right.