To go to the Evening do or not...

Don't worry, I did too!!

Simple really, if you want to go go, if you don't don't.
But don't not go just for some silly tit for tat nonsense

If you decide not to go, politely decline now.

If you were genuinely not bearing a grudge then you wouldn’t be doing these mental gymnastics over an invitation. If you want to go then do, if you don’t then don’t, but either way you need to resolve your feelings about something that happened such a long time ago. She didn’t come to your wedding and told you ahead of time - you felt it was late in the day and her excuse was feeble, and apparently have never got over it. I find it a bit weird that you maintain a friendship with someone who has this big mark against their character from your point of view. Bit hypocritical? Also the evening do is just a couple of hours with music - it’s really not a big deal - I don’t understand anyone getting into a lather about it, it’s not like having to do table plans or anything. A boogie and some booze, that’s it.

Honestly I wouldn't bother attending just an evening bit if I wasn't invited to the whole day. Everyone is pissed up after a long day and you've missed most of it and tbh I think it's weird and awkward, a few extra people walking in later on.

She may have felt the same. It's not like you needed to know for extra meal places so she hardly ruined your day by not coming or letting you know late.
If you don't want to go to hers then don't.
Mental that you didn't care about her enough to have her at the whole wedding but have been upset for 7 years that she didn't come and stand in your disco for a bit 😂

Op means eve as in evening not day before

I'm really worried about the comprehension skills of some of the posters on here!

Sorry OP but I’m another who thinks that refusing an invitation on the basis of something that happened 7 years ago is just being petty All the more so as you are still friendly with your colleague and meet up occasionally
If you really don’t want to go just decline the invitation in the usual way when the proper invite comes.

The evening do isn't the reception. It's after the reception.

I get the confusion over whether it was the evening before, as one pp asked. We did a thing the night before our wedding for friends who had travelled a long way.

Just for the fact alone that it’s hugely inconvenient, and would mean rushing around getting ready for a few hours where you might not even see the bride and groom that much (my past experience of a shockingly bad evening do) would be enough for me to say no.

As far as her letting you down in the past, this would definitely make the decision so much easier.

OK I stand corrected! I haven't met anyone who has done this in years, but if people are still doing in then fine!
But I can still understand why some pp's were confused by the phrase.

Your wedding was 7 years ago. She’s invited you to the evening do. Seriously, she won’t care whether you come or not. She’ll have her family and friends around her. Why would she worry or care that an ex colleague was still in a huff over what is basically attendance at a disco? Go if you want and don’t if you don’t.

I agree. Do some people not get out much or get invited to many weddings?

@NewYearSameMeeee Question is do you want to go. ?

If not why ?

Seven years ago? SEVEN? Honestly, the lives some people lead. I read stuff like this and I actually feel envious. This is the kind of thing people worry about. Jesus, I've definitely gone wrong somewhere.

I don’t like evening dos and very rarely go to them
However if you want to go ,then go and forget all about what she did

I feel sad that your husband is still thinking 'tit for tat' essentially 7 years later, and you're not too far removed from that feeling either.

You are close friends or you're not.
You want to go or you don't.
You can go or can't (worknight)

Just decide what you want to do in the here and now and do it: Do you want to celebrate with her or not?

It's not any deeper than that, at least it shouldn't be.

If you don't want to go, don't go. Just decline gracefully.
There is no need for any kind of tit-for-tat behaviour. Your wedding was 7 years ago.
I think you could make it to the evening do if you wanted to - you could arrive half an hour later (tell her in advance), you could have everything laid out at home so you just go home, very quick shower, clothes on and set off for the venue.
But it's clear you don't want to go as you are making excuses. You say you don't hold a grudge but it sounds as if you still are otherwise you wouldn't be thinking about it so much and you'd just be talking about how the timing is inconvenient.

I doubt she'll care that much, let alone think it's tit for tat! You also don't have to turn up at 7:30 on the dot, you could go wild and turn up at 8pm. Shocker. If it's not convenient or you don't want to go, just decline no need for all this. I think the real problem is that your real reasoning is tit for tat, you just don't want anyone to think it is.

So much drama.

Oh and you 'bear' a grudge. 'Bare' means naked.

My guess is that she doesn't consider you as good a friend as you do her. That's why she didn't want to attend your evening do. She's invited you to her evening do just so it isn't awkward when you next see her. She's probably hoping you won't go. Sorry if I sound a bit cynical.

You don't have to get there at bang on 7:30. It's the evening do so you don't have to be as "done up" as you might for all day.

And you clearly haven't let it yo

She probably took so long to reply because she was embarrassed she had accidentally booked something the same day, although on MN she was probably waiting for a better offer. It wasn't like you needed to know for catering a whole meal, it was the evening do. Just over estimate on the buffet, it usually all goes anyway.

I think you need to absolutely actual let it go

You haven’t forgotten about it because that’s why you made a post,

You let her think you’d got over it by remaining friends with her.

Now, you’re finding excuses not to go to her wedding evening.

If you don’t want to go, then don’t. She probably won’t care one way or the other, she’s still have her friends there.

Stop making her wedding all about you.

She clearly means the reception and is using 'eve' for evening.

I'm sure you know this already and are just being arsey.

My guess is that your friend forgot about her behaviour about your wedding many years ago.
I would leave it nearer the day and then decide if you feel like accepting. You don’t rsvp to Save The Date anyway I don’t think.