How much does your teen cost?

DS is £30 a week, which is a combo of lunch money and pocket money. Phone is £15 a month. Clothes and shoe costs are just occasional and better now no school uniform. About to be 17 so driving lessons soon, which will be a big expense.

Very expensive. £10k a year on uni is the most direct cost, and whilst admittedly uni has seen the end of therapy and tutors, teens are very expensive, and have had a tough time of things (hence the therapy and tutors to level things out).

£50 phonebill?! My secondary age kids costs me £5 a month, their basic handset was an Xmas gift.
No counselling costs here, nor any transport to school as they walk.
They don't cost me £50 a month in clothes I wouldn't say, they aren't fussed about brands.
They take a pack up to school for lunch but I top up their account with a tenner every couple of months maybe so they can buy the odd snack or whatever.
Pocket money is defo not £100 a month 😳

You seem to be running a particularly expensive model. Very few teenagers require counselling and riding lessons.

My kids went to the training academy ( actually I still do) for haircuts. £5 for cut and blow dry, £46 colour CBD.

Same story with facials, lashes and semi permanent makeup. All done at a different training academy for much less money. Was freezing until recently

Let's face it, some of these items aren't essential.

Of course, this is why it annoys me when MNetters gleefully tell parents of pre schoolers "just you wait until they're teens!", childcare is an essential, much of the spending we do on teens is a choice, and can be flexed to a budget.

👏

I'm clearly an outlier. 4 kids ( youngest is 13yo) and I've never given any of them a set amount of allowance ( pocket money). Going out with friends - here's some money; if they desperately wanted a pair of shoes/ a sweater etc I bought them. No doubt this is completely wrong but it's how I was brought up and I'm ok.
Most big items were given at xmas and bday.
Always had free buses or been walking distance to school
Always made packed lunches ( not UK)
Oldest 2 seemed to spend endless money on their sports , 3rd was the worst because he was into sports and a musician ( hello Japan tour), but youngest isnt interested, he's a gamer. It still adds up with the bloody roblox and steam cards andgames and head phones.etc.
I would have no clue how much the 4 of them have cost me and I don't want to know. ( It didn't help living in a nice neighbourhood so everyone ws wearing top notch branded clothes and I had to try to keep up. ) . We've moved to the country now. Much cheaper!! And people wander around the shops in their ugg boots and nobody cares.
Never saved for uni as here students get a loan and pay it back in stages as a % of their income ( trying to translate to pounds here) 0% of your take-home pay until about 30kpounds, moving up gradually to 2.5% at roughly 100kpounds. You can pay ahead ( or get your parents too) but that's not a majority.
Most don't live in halls either , they live at home or a share house. There are halls but again pretty expensive.
Most uni students pay a lot of their way through with part time jobs for general expenses and worry about the debt later.
Mind you I lent my second car to one of my kids 18 months ago and so far all i have to show for it is 2 parking fines and a 700 bill for the brakes - it's still regoed in my name! So whatever you do they are expensive but worth it and that one in 3 weeks is able to put out his shingle as a qualified solicitor, but it would have been very hard to get to his evening lectures without a car.You just resign yourself that pretty much all of your money is going on your kids. Lucky you love the little bugas.

Next time someone posts on here saying they have no money and are the 'squeezed middle', I'll be asking them what they spend on their children.

Let's face it, some of these items aren't essential.

I don't pay as much as that:

Pocket money 60
Football 30
Phone 10
School lunch 40
(He makes a sandwich 🥪 most days)
Clothes occasionally. Not £50 every month.

Oh I’m not. I’m just explaining it can be equally as dangerous to have a ‘fend for yourself’ mentality as it can to ‘spoil’ someone. As long as it’s thought through and the right conversations are taking place ~ which it seems, are, on your end and the parents you are criticising ~ then each approach is fine. But don’t assume we’ve all had it easy! My (well thought through!) choices on how I’ll deal with this and the life I want my son to have are directly related to seeing it work badly the other way round. You don’t have to agree, just not belittle other people’s choices.

How patronising. You really are very judgmental. You seem to think you are the only one who knows how to bring children up well, giving out advice no one wants or needs. I could say that being deliberately tight with your children, because you think everything has to be an opportunity for them to learn that the world can be hard is going to cause them issues. I certainly know a few adults with that experience.

Sorry, forgot the £5 per month phone bill

DD is 14. Her monthly costs are pretty low:
£100 school lunches
£25 pocket money
£10 a month Guides
The odd tenner here and there if she's going out for lunch with a friend or something.

My parents always told me kids were expensive, so I didn't give birth as a money making scheme. The £50,000+ school fees make the eyes water but I'm clearly making savings with the £10 a week pocket money.

DD13
Pocket money £86 (£20 x52/12)
Gym membership £35
Haircuts £10 (£30x4/12)
School lunches £60
Netball subs £5 (£60pa)
Netball and school trips/dress down etc £15
Clothes £75 (usually seasonally)
Sports kit/gym kit £15 (£180/12)
Skincare £20
Hair products £20
Occasional nails, make up £10 (£120/12)
Apple music on family plan
Transport driven everywhere
Uniform £25 (£300/12)
Gifts for friends birthday/christmas £10 (£120/12)

= £386 plus birthday, Christmas, valentines, Easter, Halloween, holiday spends it soon adds up.

Mine are hideously expensive, school bus, lunches, sports, clothes. And thats before any nice to haves like nails.
But no matter how much I spend, they'll always be asking for more. I'm hoping it's a phase..

You don’t need a £500k salary to spend a few hundred pound per month on your teenager.

I was being facetious obviously.

But if you have an expensive house , pay for private education, pensions, investments, tax, multiple dc who need £600 a much each you might need that 😆

Please don't imply this will happen to my children because of how I choose to raise them the reason I ended up in care was because of years of csa. I will do everything in my power to make sure my children are protected from that which is why I put so much physical and emotional time into raising them and I teach them about boundaries, respect, bodies and not to keep secrets. Me not paying £70 for a phone contract or £400 each for a wholefood diet does not mean they will be sexually abused. They will always have a home with me a roof over there head a warm bed, food in the fridge and running water.

You're paying her pocket money PLUS a wide range of additional non-necessities PLUS additional pocket money for going out, etc when she requests it.

The problem here is you, I'm afraid. You're teaching her nothing about managing money.

Mumsnet is probably the most middle class space online. I don’t know how representative it is of the general population, but there are definitely more wealthy people on here than I come across in my social life.

To be fair, DS does a load of activities (don't come for me, it's cheaper than ASC!) and it's all stuff his friends do that he suggests to me. He's been begging for horse riding for a while but I've been putting it off 😂

I had what you plan to do with your children @Differentstarts ~ I ended up in a minimum wage job (fine) being sexually abused by my boss which ended in pregnancy (not fine) terrified of quitting/telling my parents as I wouldn't be able to afford anything and I needed to 'prove myself'.
I absolutely learned resilience, got myself out of that situation, worked my ass off to provide for my DS and learn to budget. I wanted a 'nicer' life and worked towards/landed a very high paying job, at which point I met some of these 20 year olds I'd always been told were 'spoilt rich kids' ~ they actually just seemed really happy. Backed by their parents, great work ethic they'd learnt via their parents, expensive tastes but a salary they'd worked hard for to match. I absolutely want to provide that for DS - yes as a young adult you need to learn responsibility, but IMO (and I've thought about it a lot!) that can be done in ways that don't require being left to fend for yourself financially.
Absolutely understand what happened to me was also an after effect of emotional neglect as a child, not just having 'must find a job and keep it' pushed on me, but the reason I stayed ultimately was I didn't want to fail and wanted my parents to be proud of that. I want DS to grow up with nice things, and know money and work ethic are important, but not the be all end all (which it had to be for me).

My dad's colleague who became a good friend used to make their dc sit in economy whilst parents were in first 😆😆

It's seems some parents are living their life vicariously through their children. Which child dreams of intensive ballet lessons (absolutely pointless) Girls needs kick ass martial arts to protect themselves. And Horse riding, that's just trying hard to be upper middle class, as if the horse wants young Tarquin or Allegra bouncing around on its back hours on end. Leave the horses alone, it's deviant. What next, Fox hunting with bayonets.