Nieces hate me and say my behaviour was abusive.

I agree with other posters on here who have pointed out that your sister is behind these ill feelings. They haven't come from nowhere. Your sister will have started this narrative of painting you as the villain, and your nieces in their eagerness to appease mum's ire, have followed suit. This has dysfunctional, toxic family written all over it and as the scapegoat, you are entirely to blame for the family's problems. The only thing you can do OP, is remove yourself. Unfortunately it will never change and no matter how unfair it is, they will never see the light and ' come round'. You did a remarkable thing at such a young age and deserve to be surrounded by people who acknowledge and support you - not this rotten bunch. Focus on your own family.

Sounds like the sisters have deeper issues. It’s not you, it’s them. Just stay out of their way. You should really grab your life by the hands now you’ve realised how much you’ve been used. Be about yourself and your children.

Guilt can be a strange thing. People often don't like to acknowledge a debt. You sisters took advantage of you. They owe you. Yet may not want to. It may well be that they were highlighting your defects to their children. They certainly don't seem to be defending you now. If you were so awful why would they have continued to leave their children with you. Two of the girls have bought into this. Perhaps they wanted their mum to be doing what you did and are both pleasing their mum and letting go of their anger by criticising you.

Remind them of how young you yourself were and that you did your best and more. But otherwise let go, and give them the distance to work things out for themselves.

I'm sure you weren't abusive, but you were probably fed up and resentful some of the time you were doing childcare, understandably, and also frustrated sometimes, because young children can be very frustrating and make their carers want to shout at them.

And that would have been no fun for your nieces and nephews. Also their parents who were so insensitive to your own needs and wishes, would very likely have been equally insensitive to their children's. Try not to blame your nieces for being off with you now. Their real gripe is most likely with their parents and there's no point in arguing your case with them at this young age; they won't understand. And don't blame your nephews for staying out of this argument. They remember you fondly and are moving on to live their lives, which is a great outcome.

Your nieces remember you screaming and shouting at them.

Your nephews remember you buying them what they wanted.

It's possible you did both.

Suggest a read of some of links from the ‘stately homes’ / dysfunctional families threads in the relationships section.

Your neices and nephews may also angry at their parents for not being around as much as they would like and leaving them with someone who didn’t want to be looking after them and are directing that anger at you rather than the parents.
It seems that the nephews are supportive of their Aunt and how she stepped up to the plate when their parents wanted to dump them off for free.
The anger of the nieces should be directed towards their parents who were the ones who were abusive and their grandparents who encouraged it, blackmailing the OP to take them on.
Anyone who says they have never raised their voice towards children in their care is probably either wearing rose-tinted glasses or simply lying.

Gosh I am sorry this happened to you. Well done on being able to recognise it and step away.

I have a slightly similar story to yours; I was born into a blended family with half sisters who were already teenagers. They found my existence to be an inconvenience when they were young, but didn’t mind me so much if their collective 11 children ever needed looking after.

I used to live with one of them as a teenager myself, and she once dragged me out of bed in the middle of the night as she had to go and collect her drunk husband (so needed someone to keep an eye on the kids) - I was 13/14 at the time.

Growing up, I loved them so much, but had to pull away, as it soon became clear that none of them had any real interest in me or my children (one of my sisters even deliberately skipped my wedding). Like you, I am also the family scapegoat, and this behaviour comes right down from the top - my mother.

It’s really tough, but sometimes you have to draw a line under these things, and focus on the people who love and want you to be there. In my case, I had to go no contact for the sake of my own mental health.

God help you.
What an utterly toxic family you have.
Used and abused.
You poor woman.

Mind yourself and stay the hell away from them.
Keep your children away from the lot of them.
They are no loss to you.

You know the truth and it is very unfair you are now the scapegoat. I don’t usually recommend therapy, but it might be helpful to talk to someone like a therapist about these issues. You sound like you did a great job at a very young age, don’t beat yourself up about the past. I wish you well for the future and your own little family.

As do I with many thing OP

Never too late though ;)

I wish I could turn back time and not have taken care of them. I wish I had been like my other sister and put myself first. I missed out on so many parties and holidays because I chose to put my family first. I know it was my choice but I always felt guilted by everyone.

Tell them THIS OP
You basically missed out on Life ..

The abusers here are your so called family, OP. Not You..

Putting all of that onto a 16 year old ? Bloody awful

I would be putting all of them, including your Mother, right and I would state it loudly to them too
They took the utter piss.

You can’t win. Block them and don’t engage. They will argue black is white just so you can be the scapegoat. The fact that they parentified you for their kids is abuse of you, then the sister is getting the nieces to say this to punish you. Disgusting people block them.

It's a difficult OP, been there in a different situation but know what you mean.
One of my dd's claimed I was the worst parent ever and she hated me, I was banned from her wedding and we have not had any contact for about 6 years now. She hasn't spoken to any of her siblings for the same time either as she hated them too god knows why.. Dad was the only very small point of contact until she married 5 1/2years ago, she made it clear me and sibs weren't to go but would dad give her away? He said no as she has behaved so badly to everyone, verbally abusive, claiming all sorts of made up shit that couldn't have happened, times and dates. She really believed the stuff that was coming out of her mouth, and encouraged by the then boyfriend, now dh.
It was incredibly sad at the time because we were and still are a close family, the youngest didn't leave home until they were 21. If family life was that awful why did she stay until she was 26? She met this person and had a personality transplant. Didn't know her anymore, dh and sibs couldn't understand it either.
Have moved on from it and now she is never mentioned by any of us.

Agree with this and similar comments.

Why shouldn’t she? Please remember that her own kids are not receiving presents from these people.

Do you think it was her job to give presents?

You can’t change the past but you can control how you react now.

Block and delete your nieces. Don’t let them anywhere your children.

Those condemning the OP for possibly shouting at the nieces/nephews, there are plenty of children out there who will push things as far as they can simply to get just that reaction - usually because they feel unloved or ignored by those closest to them like parents. They may well have learned that this is the only way to get "seen" by certain people.

Now put yourself in the shoes of a 16 year old trying to deal with that. We can assume that if the girls were doing something like scribbling on walls and ignoring any requests to stop, it's the OP who would have been blamed for not stopping them. Tell me how you would deal with that, as a somewhat oppressed and abused child yourself?

I do wonder though - just playing devil's advocate here! - if you favoured the boys, as perhaps they were easier?
Regardless, your family shouldn't have put you in this position.

This all sounds so unfair

From one family scapegoat to another, I'm still battling with what to do, like you. The only way really though is to remove yourself from the situation, it doesn't get better with you still in it if that makes sense. Find your way without them they sound awful.
Sounds like you weren't the abusive one anyway to me.

I would focus on those people who are nice to you and not bother with these two nieces. Keep your dignity, I wouldn’t get into a confrontation with them, I’d just move on and build positive relationships with those who appreciate you.

You were used by your family. It was a lot to ask of you.

It does sound like their mum was abusive and this does mean they are damaged and means you're less likely to be able to resolve this with a simple conversation. There is probably something more complex going on (eg they are trying to win their mums approval by copying her scapegoating of you).

So I'm not sure that there is much you can do to solve this, given the wider family dynamics at play. The only way I'd take action is if you still work with children and if someone heard the allegations they could interfere with your job. Then I'd get a written statement from the nephews that they think their sisters are lying

It sounds like you were yourself abused if you were attacked by your sister and manipulated into providing free childcare for years and years. I'd be questioning why you want to maintain contact with a family who are generally so horrible to you. Have you had any counselling or therapy about all this? I think it would help you come to terms with this