Am i cold and unsympathetic because I don't tend to verbally comfort my baby when I change his nappy?

Talking to them during every kind of interaction is really important - for language development and connection. Changing a nappy in silence is a bit weird! Even if they’re crying, just repeating stuff like “I know you don’t like having your nappy changed, don’t worry we’ll be finished soon, then you’ll be nice and warm again” or whatever comes naturally.

It didn't come naturally to me either when I first had my baby. Trying to witter on while a tiny human is screaming in your face. I started singing everything and I found that was easier than just saying things (🎶 "Whose got a dirty bottom? Whose got a dirty bottom? Whose got a dirty bottom now? It you, it's you, it's you! Whose going to wipe your bottom? Whose going to wipe your bottom? Whose going to wipe your bottom now? It's me, it's me, it's me! Where did I put the wipes? Where... " you get the idea!

I think it’s fine either way for now. He must be very little and I do think there’s an element of “get it over with” when they’re super tiny and I think I found it hard to focus on keeping the change efficient and chatting at the same time! When he’s a bit more smiley and older and you’re a bit more practised at doing the change, you can make silly faces and sing or chat or whatever and that helps distract them.

I’d just tell your partner you’ll take it on board but I think it’ll come with time if you’re aware of it. Maybe try singing for now (any song you know well - can be Christmas carols or anything) as you can do that on autopilot until the changing bit becomes autopilot.

My whole life with DC was a running commentary, so much so, I was once in the supermarket talking to an empty trolley, DS was at home with DH.

I would think it's odd if you don't talk to the baby. It's not going to take any longer if you do!

This is interesting, and I wondered about this too.

This is so cute, and made me laugh

It's critical that you talk to him as much as possible for a whole range of reasons
Talk constantly about what you're doing, what's happening etc

Cold and unusual. I wouldn't like it if you changed my baby like that.

I’m wondering if you’re a bit like my DH who initially found DS’s crying so distressing he used to kind of shut down. He would go through the motions of physical comfort like you are doing but he didn’t speak to him. It didn’t take long before he got used to it all and started doing all the verbal stuff too.

I’m sure you’re doing a great job. A newborn is a massive shock to the system! Maybe start off with ‘ok bubba/mate/buddy (whatever term of endearment you use) it won’t be long’ just at the beginning of the nappy change to get you used to talking to him when he’s distressed?

I think it's a bit odd not to, tbh. Talking doesn't make it take longer - it's simultaneous!

If you chat to your baby generally when they are in your care, I don’t think a quick, quiet nappy change is going to matter whatsoever.

As a mum of twins, there’s A LOT you can’t do with your babies that parents of singletons can. Most twins are just fine.

I think it's normal to talk to your baby when you're changing them.

I sang to him, chatted to him about anything and everything and told him what I was doing to him whether he was crying or not, same with getting dressed. So a lot of 'time to get this nappy off...let's give your bum a wipe - bit cold...ready? Brr. There we go. All clean'.

If you're in hospital they tell you what they're doing before they start so it's not a shock, babies are no different to my mind. And things like baths, nappy or pants changes (as they get older) are a lot easier if they've been seen from an early age as fun - something to look forward to rather than avoided.

I don't think it's necessary to be all 'ooh, you poor little thing' but I do think it's good to chat away.

I used to try and sound cheerful - "Happy Nappy Time!" "Ooh, let's get you nice and clean!" Didn't always work of course!

I'm exactly the same with my equally feral dog 😂

It probably causes your partner desperate physical pain when your baby cries. I remember feeling exasperated at my partner when get went to get a glass of water on his way to pick up our newborn once. If the baby is very new her hirmones will be raging and so she'll have a semi irrational desperate need for you to try to move the earth when the baby cries. It'll pass but it takes some mothers longer than others.

This is great!

Oh yes I do, I always just figured it felt way more natural to give them a running commentary on what was going on, it would feel way more awkward to me to be doing things in silence! With the nappy thing, mine used to really kick off as well so he'd get a lot of; "right sweetheart let's get this done nice and quickly, no I know you don't like it no one likes their nappy being changed, quick wipe, nearly done, one more leg, one more socky"... 😂 I pretty much did this the whole time I was with him about whatever was going on, he's 14 months old now and it's still the same!

I do the running commentary thing e.g. "nearly there", "worst is over with, you're being patient", "when we are finished let's go down stairs to see what daddy and the cats are doing". But it's probably easy for me as we had cats before we had children so we are used to talking to things that don't directly reply!

I think your partner could have discussed it with you in a less accusing way

I was definitely on the "get it done" end of the scale when it came to nappy changes while they were upset - but I always talked and sang them through it while I did it. That's the most effective form of comfort in that situation, because your hands are busy but your voice isn't.

I think I would have found it quite upsetting to watch DH change them while they cried without any chitchat to comfort them. He would have felt the same too I think. If your partner is the one who gave birth then she will be flooded with hormones and will feel that baby crying with every fibre of her being at this stage.

Just do a bit of chat or sing a little song while you do the change.

That's cute!

Just chatter away to him. Or just as pp said run through the motions of saying what you're doing as you do it. It'll make your own life easier too as when you say 'lift legs' or sit up. At the point they can do it themselves, they obviously will.

A running commentary is great for learning language and although your baby may be very young now starting out this way means you will probably continue. Also the tone of your voice can help calm them if you too are calm and talking them through it. Narrate what you are doing. They will get used to the words and start to realise that this sound means this action. That is how babies learn.

I would say I was like you. I couldn't understand the stream of consciousness babble that my nct mum friends came out with all the time. Also I'd be with you focusing on getting the job done.
Turns out I was autistic. Speaking that much totally alien to me. I would definitely read around this in adults and see what you think.

That is cold.

For goodness sakes talk to your son while doing these things!

My son is grown now, but when I'm washing my dog's feet, and undercarriage after a walk, I talk to her

''One foot, TWO, three....nearly done. no need to skip about, yes I know it tickles...and FOUR! ..there we go, all finished! Would you like dinner now?''

Babies loved to be talked to ''Goodness me! What a stinker! don't wee now...OOF..you PEED! &c &c''

Talking with your baby will help increase his vocabulary, too..they love it!