Am i cold and unsympathetic because I don't tend to verbally comfort my baby when I change his nappy?

How are you feeling apart from that OP?

He didn't say he never talked to his baby- just not when he changed a nappy. If that's the worst complaint then it's not a big thing in the grand scheme of things.

Agree

I used to blow a little raspberry on babies tummy. . I'd also cover them in a muslin above the bum area whilst I cleaned up because I read that babies feel vulnerable/exposed lying on their backs naked. I'd also sing sometimes.

I talk to him pretty regularly

That's an odd thing to say.

My vote is for it does not matter in the grand scheme of things and your DP needs to not criticise how you do your parenting unless it's neglectful or harmful

It is neglectful and harmful not to chat to a baby. Listening to people speak, and engaging with other human beings is how babies develop language and communication skills.

It seems a very small thing for your DP to point out and get worked up about. You are being a supportive DF, you are changing nappies and it sounds like pulling your weight.

My vote is for it does not matter in the grand scheme of things and your DP needs to not criticise how you do your parenting unless it's neglectful or harmful.

For me this sums it up brilliantly!
Do try and just 'chat' to her all the time. Tell her what you're doing. It's reassuring for her, and it's how babies eventually learn to talk - by listening!
Hopefully it'll make it more fun for you too.

OP ask your mum if she talked to you when she changed your nappies. Or are you too embarrassed as to her reaction to your behaviour?

Meh. I don’t think it matters tbh.

My first thought was why is he crying when he’s having his happy changed? How new of a newborn is he? If he’s brand brand new, it’s normal. If he’s more than a few weeks he should know by now what the process involves so if he’s crying is it because the room is too cold? Wipes cold (put them on the radiator)? Surface itchy etc? Try to stop the discomfort is the first thing.

Second thing is a dad doesn’t need to be a mum, and whilst the mum is the primary parent in the first few weeks and months you’re allowed to be you. The baby doesn’t need identical parenting from both parents from the get go, there are many many many ways to raise healthy and happy and loved children. The mother’s isn’t the only way and actually children benefit from having different parenting input. Parents MUST be aligned when it comes to values and principles and big decisions (which are generally small at this stage, but they get bigger) and things like routines and weaning etc in the early stages. The child needs consistency and routine and to feel assured everything is under control and predictable at this point. But it’s not better to roughhouse than not; not better for both parents to be constantly chattering at the baby than only one (at least one needs to for verbal development though); not better for both parents to wear baby carriers rather than one preferring the sling and one a forward-facing pram etc. None of it matters as long as the child is loved, cared for, nurtured, cherished.

Relax. If the mum is very recently post-partum she could (as I did) feel fiercely protective of the baby: after all, he’s part of her body that’s floating around, crying, and you’re not comforting him. She feels it deeply. Just love the boy, that and milk is all he needs right now.

Same here.
OP has your mum even seen the baby yet?

I've just clocked your username, what does your mum think about it?

I can't imagine not chatting away to a baby all the time, your posts are a little unusual, you've mentioned reassurance more than once, is that what you think is a main purpose of talking to a baby?

I'm not surprised that your partner has said something

Changing a baby with no verbal interaction is a bit unusual, OP.
Imagine if you were vulnerable and a carer gave you a bed bath with no communication or chatting at all - I'm sure it wouldn't feel nice.

Try and get into the habit of giving a commentary.

It might feel strange at first but you'll get used to it, and it will help you bond even more.

"Come on, let's get that nappy off"

"Legs up, here we go"

"One wipe, two wipes".

"Clean nappy, not long now"

Etc etc

And even then, I'd murmur reassuringly all the time. Babies love hearing their mothers' voices.

I spoke non stop to mine, poor things. Helps soothe, and their language development, plus they lihe to look at your face.

Why?
I used to chat endlessly to my babies when I was changing them, except during the night, when I wanted them to go back to sleep.

Sorry , that is pretty much what you put in the opening post. As quite a few people have pointed out it is no slower to change a baby when talking to them to reassure them. This is a small person. They will develop their social skills through the interactiond with their closest carers. Your partner is right to be upset by your treatment of the child at nappy change time. Please rethink your behaviour. You posted on here. If you had been 100% sure your approach was right then you would not have bothered. Please seek help to overcome your failure to do the best for your child.

That’s so precious and funny!
When my DS was 3, I was changing him and he said,
Oh that baby lotion is so refreshing! 😂

I was in absolute knots 😂

I always said something like,
C’mon and I’ll get you nice and fresh.
or
Let’s get you freshened up.

You might want to make it part of your routine, because as they get older they will be less physically compliant and they need your words of empathy and support to make this intimate care team work.

OPs also given the impression that he/she doesn’t see why the baby needs to be comforted generally when crying though, not just for nappy changes, although it clearly bothers his wife:“She also often gets a bit distressed herself by our baby boy crying without being comforted.”

I think people are being a bit harsh. I talk to my 3month old all the time. Never let her cry if I can help it.
When she was new she'd scream and go blue during nappy changes. I didn't talk to her during it. She was hysterical and wouldn't have heard me, and I was just too exhausted to function. She's fine with nappy changes now. Newborn is about survival.

Yes, that is cold.

Why wouldn’t you interact with the baby while literally looking at him in the face? Even tiny babies pick up of your cues and facial expressions. Poor thing.