To not buy my mum cigarettes?

The government could legalise and tax cocaine and cannabis, but they haven't, so the fact remains that one is legal and the other two aren't.

Your point about harm is debatable. I've never heard of anyone succumbing to paranoia and suicidal depression from tobacco use (as with cannabis - leaving aside that many users mix it with tobacco anyway) and otherwise healthy people don't suddenly drop dead from a tobacco overdose (as is possible with cocaine).

My DM is still smoking away, chest infection hospital stint and first thing she did at home was light up a ciggie. She says it's the only enjoyment she has left now, 84, housebound, v poor health.

We do buy them when she runs out, as she's an absolute cow without them 😅 It's her life/choice really.

Only legal because it's taxed.

As far a harm goes, tabaco is worse that one of the others I mentioned and not far off the other.

My overweight diabetic DM used to call me to do her online shopping every week, and every week she would be asking for chocolate, ice cream and all sorts of other shit she shouldn't be having. I never ordered it. So she got neighbours to pick them up for her when they went to the shops, or ordered it on Deliveroo. Unsurprisingly, diabetes, congenital heart disease, hyperlipidemia and kidney stones were all listed as causes of death in her autopsy.

Don't enable an addict.

Yes, it is - smoking is perfectly legal for an adult woman. The drugs you mention are not.

There are good arguments for not buying the cigarettes, but yours isn't one of them.

Not sure I agree with this statement. Being overweight influences multiple diseases, you may not have them yet, and have determined because you don’t you are healthy. It’s not like there aren’t endless leaflets and advice about losing weight yet you haven’t.

I’m being provocative to reflect back things you’re saying.

You don’t have to enable her but consider she has MS and is in a wheelchair. Of course it’s bad for here but maybe she sees it as a comfort (as well as addiction). Would you say she’s generally happy with life and gets pleasure in lots of other things?

I have never smoked myself and neither has anyone particularly close to me. I understand how hard it must be to give up but I have always said I will not buy my cigarettes for anyone.

Edited for spelling!

DS Ex Smoker says, well, its difficult because, given the illnesses she does have, she probably thinks it won't make a difference and as a grown adult spending her own money, it's up to her.

DS Non Smoker says, absolutely not, do not buy her any, nor any vapes. She didn't smoke in hospital and was fine, so she'll be fine at home.

Me - I don't know, I'm terminally ill and I'd hate for DH not to bring me e.g. sweets because I need to lose weight. It's difficult being ill and having disabilities and knowing your life is already shortened and then someone telling you what you can and can't do. Given she can get others to buy them I would say that's good enough and you should just say you're not buying them. Not easy I know.

Im in exactly the same position with ddad. He's only just come out after being in critical care. And is straight back on 40 a day. I honestly give up!!

OP- it would be very difficult, if not harder impossible for your mum to get travel insurance, surely?

You say she has MS this will kill her eventually, usually in seventies is it possible she cannot process that thought.

granted smoking will make matters worse but the problems she has had are also related to MS.

If i were you i would let her be and buy her cigarettes if she wants them. Her health her choices.

Dont make her more miserable

If I’m at the end of my life, I want to eat nothing but chocolate, cheese, bacon, and good bread with wine.

that said, I don’t think you are unreasonable to set a boundary y either your mother .My own mother faced a similar critical decision moment with alcohol. She quit cold-turkey and got 5 more good years. 5 years with her grandchildren. Those years made the difference between them having memories with her or not.

you can’t make this choice for your mother, but you don’t have to help her hurt herself either.

This is my Dad too, he has COPD, can hardly catch a breath but also has a cold it’s never the smoking. He’s obsessed with colds, coughs and “bugs”. he’ll say things like “oh so and so has a bad bug, hope I don’t catch it.” Or he posts on SM about the “bugs going around.” He had so many smoking related ailments but is in denial about them all and won’t give up even though he’s been advised to many times.

Honestly I'd be careful about refusing. My mum had similar issues but alcohol dependency as well. People really guilt tripped us about buying her alcohol and cigarettes as we did her shopping.
We tried reducing/changing what we brought for her. She had a bad fall from trying to get to the shops herself, and she tried to approach strangers outside her block of flats offering cash to go get them for her. She was really vulnerable and it's lucky that her neighbours let her know before the worst happened.

Deep down she'll know the impact and the risks, she's living it. There's a cognitive dissonance with any addiction.

It's no different than a family member asking you to go get them an bag of weed or score of cocaine - don't enable her.

My mum has a heart attack and didn't quit smoking. Then cancer and quit (but was adamant that because it wasn't lung cancer it wasn't due to smoking. Her consultant and a 20 a day 50 year habit said otherwise).

I refused to buy her cigarettes ever. I don't blame you op, and nothing will take that resentment away, sorry.

Then hard as it is, there's nothing realistically that you can do. She knows it's killing her, and she says she doesn't want to die, but not enough to give up smoking. You have my sympathy OP, but you are powerless in this.

You can obviously refuse to buy cigs for her, but she'll manage to get them one way or another. I'm sorry, it must be hard

I'd go for the guilt trip. I'd be crying a d wailing and telling her I don't want her to due and can I get her signed up for smoking cessation (GP or hospital can direct you).

Then, I would tell her that myself and hubby are not getting the poison that's going to kill her.

Ex smoker x

Could you get her a vape?

Patches and lozenges with nicotine do not feel the same as half the craving is the act of smoking. You can mimic that with a vape. You can then I et time get her less and less nicotine and end up with nicotine free so she's just getting the habit of smoking rather than the harm.

Non smokers will never understand how difficult it is to actually stop. You can say you want to, but until you're actually ready and in the right mindset, it won't happen.

I can understand your frustration and concern what with her health problems and all, and you're well within your right not to help facilitate her habit.

I smoked from the age of 12 until 40 (I'm 41 now), but I went on to vaping about a year ago. It's adequate enough to curb my cravings, once I found a vape and liquid that works for me. Maybe your mum could try vaping instead. It's not ideal, but way better than cigarettes. And doesn't make you reek!

Smoked again for a week on holibobs in September because I was drinking, and I enjoyed every single one! As soon as I got on the coach to go to the airport, I went back to the vape and have stuck with it since - mainly because I don't really drink much at home.

It helps to know what your triggers are I think, and mine is drinking!

That's the sane as my mum. Was in hospital fir three weeks. So nicotine out of her system.

First thing she did as soon as she was out of the hospital front door was light up a fag. Coughed a lot. Says was horrible. But persevered and got back to 20 a day. Deliberately.

She changed to vaping about 8 years ago. Vapes continually. Thinks it's good for her and the damp helps her cough up the phlegm.

WTAF. Sigh.

After that hospital, back then I refused to buy fags for her as I didn't want to be a contributory factor in her decline or death.

She practically crawled to the shop. I just started buying fags for her after that and now vapes. I don't feel responsible now. It's all her choice. Stupid choice. But hers.