To not buy my mum cigarettes?

My mum refuses to buy me my fags. I think she did so once when I was really very incapacitated.
But you have every right to refuse.
She can get them delivered with her normal supermarket shopping?
Tell her if she switches to vaping or nicotine replacement products you'll happily pick those up for her! I'm a smoker and I think asking non smokers to get your fags is a bit out of order. Especially If you're unwell. As it makes them feel like an enabler.

Could you get her a vape. That will be far better than cigarettes. Not ideal but an alternative.

My parents both died early due to smoking, at 62 and 73. I always refused to buy them cigarettes whenever they asked.

I am in a very similar situation and do the same as you, OP. I accept she will go ahead and buy the tobacco, she has capacity, it's her right to do so. However, I can also exercise my own judgment and boundaries and refuse to participate. She's now in a round of endless consultant appointments, A&E, GP visits and admissions, all for smoking related cardiac & respiratory disease. All are my job to support with both practically and emotionally as she can't manage transport, she's a loner and I'm an only child. Plus I'm an HCP so it's doubly expected that I'll just suck it up. I love her and respect her right to choose but it's hard not to be resentful about it sometimes when we get home and she lights up again.

I would not buy cigarettes no way. I could not collude in that way. Vapes yes, cigarettes no way.

With her health being 66 yo is a lot. Sorry.
Her plans are dreams. Nothing more.
she is a grown up. As hard as it is it's her life and choices.

I haven't said the OP should buy the cigarettes. I simply said that comparing it to buying cannabis or cocaine for her mum wasn't an effective argument against buying them.

Is your mum on palliative care ? I don’t mean to sound harsh x x

We are talking about the OPs situation. We've just effectively accepted the massive harm that smoking does - so why would one be complicit in subjecting a family member to that harm?

I wouldn't hand my daughter a knife so she could cut herself with it so I can't fathom why anyone would hand anyone else cigarettes.

If your mum wants to kill herself, that’s her (selfish) business. She’s out of order asking you to facilitate that.

Quite possibly, but we're talking about the OP's present situation, not an ideal future world.

So that obviously demonstrates that smoking should be made illegal as well.

I’m as anti smoking as they come but buy her the cigarettes

Shes an autonomous adult with intelligence. She’s been told the risks of smoking and she has endured the consequences

Her life sounds really hard. If she is a wheelchair user due to advanced MS and significant smoking related lung disease it’s highly unlikely she has ‘decades of life left’

I totally get how upsetting it is for you to see her doing something that is contributing to her decline but it’s an addiction and an illness in itself.

Id talk to her GP about some advanced care planning, talking about her wishes if she gets sick again and what her goals of care are- maybe even a referral to the community palliative care team as she has two life limiting illnesses.

her talking about a round the world trip is clearly pie in the sky but might be her working through her own fears of her mortality and she could do with a safe place to do that

Much empathy… my mum was the same. She smoked about 100 a day (and we live in Aus with the most expensive cigs in the world). Anyhow, it’s unlikely your mum doesn’t already have advanced COPD by now. My mum’s denial was so incredible that she was the only one who was shocked when she was diagnosed with lung cancer on top of her COPD. Even though I was there with her when her doctors told her about the COPD and the Cancer, she told everyone that she had “an exotic form of TB that she caught in Bulgaria”. She would even tell me that to my face and I am fairly sure she believed it because she needed to avoid being responsible for her own illness. Also, she was a nurse. She smoked right up until she was physically incapable, and I refused to buy them.

Yes - because you can go into any supermarket or corner shop and buy cigarettes, smoke them openly in public and have as many of them in your house or on your person without being at risk of being arrested.

Illegal drugs have to be sourced undercover from a dealer, possibly at personal risk, and there are penalties for being caught in possession of them - many people would lose their jobs even if the penalty was a caution for 'personal use only'; added to that is the expense of drugs, even compared to tobacco costing a fortune in taxes. So there are fewer users, fewer deaths - from direct use - but you should also consider the indirect deaths in the supply chain, gang related murders and so on.

In short, it's impossible to compare them while their legal status is different.

@Couldbysunny

The Allen Carr Easyway is now available free via the NHS, but not everywhere in the country. They offer it via Zoom or in person, so your DM could do it from home.

Their success rate is apparently higher than nicotine replacement methods like patches. See if it is available in your local area here:

NHS & Allen Carr's Easyway

I'm so sorry for you, its so difficult isn't it. I had this with my mam, she had lung cancer and smoked throughout her life, I woukd have bought her cigarettes, the morning she went in to get her operation she was so nervous, she realised she forgot her cigarettes and asked me to go outside and ask someone for a cigarette and I refused, firstly I was embarrassed to ask someone and secondly I was afraid as she was just about to go for major operation, she went mad at me, she got the operation and was left on oxygen and never smoked again, she only lasted a few months, of all the things I think of, I think why didn't I just let her have it, but I know that's not logical thinking, so can't advise but feel so sorry for you.

75k in the UK die each year from smoking related causes versus 40 for weed and 1100 for cocaine.

YANBU.
My mother has a drinking problem, so I refuse to buy her alcohol.
Yes, she will get her hands on it either way, but I don't feel comfortable enabling her.
It's hard watching a loved one be addicted to something harmful. My sympathies 💕

I wouldn't buy anyone cigarettes ill or not I can't stand the things, you are doing the right thing x

You're being placed in a horrible situation where you feel guilty if you deprive her and guilty if you bring her something that will hasten her death. My lovely mum is similar (and has also given up after a long spell in hospital and gone straight back to smoking when out - from comments on this thread not an unusual situation) and I hate cigarettes and tobacco companies with a passion. There isn't a right answer and I'm sorry you're in this situation.

She doesn't have decades. I'm sorry to be blunt but it's more likely to be one decade. The damage was done a long time ago and on top of that, she has MS.

I'd get her the cigs.