Living with a partner who is used to SAHM / homemaker dynamic

OP I am curious to know if you recognise his behaviour as misogynistic?

I see ‘make a list’ has been mentioned, so depressing. Every time I read it I hear this song

As for your op @glensof , if he didn’t lift a single finger with previous partners it wasn’t because they were gleefully happy to be maid and martyr to him. He was single for a reason, and evidently that reason is because he is a child masquerading in an adults body. He has no willingness to change because he thinks household chores are beneath him (but not you). No amount of list writing will help and you’ll just resent having to write it all out as much as physically pointing it out.

This.
How can you even like never mind love a man who has no respect for you? He thinks he’s above housework etc.
It gives me rage that possibly even his friend’s wife ended up being his maid. When is someone going to make this lazy misogynist prick clean up after himself?

Does he actually want to address this? If so surely he can come up with a plan and you can give him feedback on it. If he's not bothered then you will be putting up with this for the rest of your life.

The thing is, if you've got to your 60s and not ever done standard housework, cooking for yourself things, then you've made a fair amount of effort to actively avoid doing those things. There comes a point when it's just easier to pick up and wash your own socks because otherwise you have to buy new ones or go barefoot. He has consistently found it preferable to get women to do these things for him. That's quite the commitment to avoiding them.

You could have the benefits of the relationship still if he moved out. He could come round, have the good sex and the fun conversations, then go away and drop his socks on this own floor. All the enjoyment but not the drudgery.

Lists! And more lists! Am echoing a couple of other’s people words here. Is this an acceptable compromise position to you?

IF he can do what you want / need him to when you tell him to, I am guessing this is something you both can live with.

He ran a successful business yet simply cannot manage basic household tasks? Oh aye 🤣

Wow have you fallen for his lines 🤣🤣
Anyone able to cope with running a business including stuff like invoicing, payments, sales, managing a diary, business strategy, growth, marketing etc, can absolutely manage to make a few appointments, load a dishwasher, and place socks in a laundry bin.

You sound quite naive with your wide eyed 'he' s just never learned how!' nonsense. Pull the wool from over your eyes, this man is a total waste of your time

Given your posts on this thread and the fact you were raised this way, you may be better able to stand this than many women.

Make your peace with doing everything. He will not change. He doesn’t want to. Where is the benefit to him in doing so?

And even if he did want to, I doubt a man in his 60s has the capacity for such a radical change of personality.

If you were younger, had or wanted children, and had higher expectations for men I would advise you to get out ASAP because this would eat a woman like that up inside.

In your case it sounds like you might just be okay enough with this situation to find it worth it for the next 20-30 years. Focus on and enjoy the positives in your relationship, which you have said are many.

Chore rota you can stick on the cupboard door. Get him to write it with you so he has input. Then you can just say 'look at the rota'. Overtime things become habit.

I have ADHD and struggle a lot with chores, but do manage a lot better if I stick to a very rigid routine.

He genuinely just doesn't see these tasks, understand how long they take or how frequently they need to be done - they don't even register with him as "something that needs to be done for my comfort by someone".

You can't possibly really believe this. Do you think he believes in magic, or is he aware that laundry, cooking and cleaning require human intervention? Do you think his socks are camouflaged to his eyes? Why are they on the floor anyway? There is a clue here in the answer to that, and it involves selfishness and entitlement. Can you imagine someone not doing part of their job and saying that they genuinely just don't see those tasks. Honestly OP, what the fuck are you thinking. His dick must shoot stars.

He's not a great man if he expects a woman to run around picking up his dropped pants from the floor and cooking his dinner!
Personally I would have talked about expectations before he moved in but sit down and tell him he's taking the absolute piss, and if he doesn't shape up, he can ship out back to where he came from
I didn't put up with this from one of my teen boys, certainly wouldn't do it now

Send him off to housekeeping school? He's a SAHM (m=man) and should be doing all housework including having dinner ready for you now he's recovered from his health issues. As there are no kids, it's not exactly onerous!

This has to be a windup

I'm now genuinely considering getting myself a reward chart for housework, I love a gold star and stickers in general

If I was one of OP’s kids I would be FURIOUS.
I am sorry but he’s seen her coming with bells on.
Who needs a retirement plan when you land on your feet like this?

Perhaps you could make him a reward chart and chore list and he only gets sex if he’s done his tasks for the day?
seriously though, how did you not work out his incompetence before you agreed to live together?!?

I come from a very.traditional background where the men work and the women stay at home. Which is shit but as pp said, at least the men work and don't have a string of ex-wives.

Yes I’m now thinking troll/ wind up. At least I hope it is…

@outerspacepotato dont think we will get an answer to that question! i dont even think he should be supporting a child who is not even his! her mother obviously saw him coming!! the way he seems to have thrown his money about is probably the reason he was made bankrupt!! wonder how much he actually puts into op's household????

So he brings no money to the table, doesn't pull his weight with housework and is actively actuating causing you more work because he can't even pick up after himself.

What a prince among men!

Am beginning to think this is a wind up.

This. This is one of the most depressing threads I've read on here for a while.

He doesn't even have any of the dubious virtues of being "old fashioned". If he was a traditional sexist who wanted the OP to stay at home and do housework while he provided for her he'd be a predictable sexist old fart but at least consistently keeping up his side of the bargain.

This bloke can't even do this. He's the worst of all possible worlds.

You do the shopping, do the cooking, do his washing, do the cleaning, and you pay the bills, at what point are you going to realise you aren't his girlfriend, you are his mum?