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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to like being called posh?

242 replies

Stillwearinggloves · 24/01/2025 14:21

What point is a person trying to make by saying someone else is posh? This comment has been made to me or about me a few times recently by so-called friends. AIBU to think it’s rude and not to like being singled out in this way?

OP posts:
PainthewholeworldwithaRainbow · 25/01/2025 09:44

I would take it as a compliment.

FarmGirl78 · 25/01/2025 09:17

Pomsy · 24/01/2025 14:43

How do you define posh?

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When you use the napkins in a restaurant for dabbing the corners of your mouth, rather than wiping beans off the front of your dress.

Original poster
Stillwearinggloves · 25/01/2025 07:46

Greyish2025 · 24/01/2025 23:44

I wouldn’t bother calling them out on it but I do think there is an element of jealousy behind it
If it is the odd comment I would ignore, if it is a frequent thing then I would question the friendship
How do you respond to them?

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I haven’t responded to them really. The first time the comment was made, the person (actually someone else I haven’t mentioned before) was drunk and there was no point. The second time I ignored it. The last time - when it would have been the right point to question it - I was at a party so it was definitely the wrong time to challenge. If or when someone next says it, I had just planned to ask what they meant by saying it, and go from there.

OP posts:
Delphiniumandlupins · 25/01/2025 00:20

I have a name that is considered posh in some places, although it was not posh when I was growing up.

Delphiniumandlupins · 25/01/2025 00:16

BeaAndBen · 24/01/2025 14:46

Except Bunty. And Jonty. And probably Crispin and Eustacie.

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Tarquin

Illegally18 · 24/01/2025 23:51

thing47 · 24/01/2025 16:38

@raspberrycordial Posh: a word used by people who don't have manners to describe people who do 😂😂

So true!

Illegally18 · 24/01/2025 23:49

Pomsy · 24/01/2025 14:45

But there is no such thing as a 'posh' name.

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Well, what about 'Venetia' or 'Camilla'?

Greyish2025 · 24/01/2025 23:47

dizzydizzydizzy · 24/01/2025 16:01

YANBU. I don't think anyone says it to be nice. It's a loaded term that is the same as 'you think you are better than everyone else'.

It comes from a place of insecurity though

Greyish2025 · 24/01/2025 23:44

Stillwearinggloves · 24/01/2025 15:36

Thanks. I’m considering calling them out on it but I feel a bit tired by the prospect! I don’t feel I should have to discuss it at all, and I suspect that the response will be that I’m being too sensitive, rather than an apology.

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I wouldn’t bother calling them out on it but I do think there is an element of jealousy behind it
If it is the odd comment I would ignore, if it is a frequent thing then I would question the friendship
How do you respond to them?

NormasArse · 24/01/2025 23:34

Pomsy · 24/01/2025 14:45

But there is no such thing as a 'posh' name.

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People think I’m posh because of my name. Someone once said it was ‘horsey’ 🙄.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 24/01/2025 23:31

I’ve been told I sound posh enough times by enough people to believe it, even though I can’t hear it myself. Close friends who I’ve known for several decades have teased me about it. More often it’s that people will tell me, after they’ve known me for a while, that they thought I was posh when we first met. I get the impression they were expecting me to look down on them, and we’re pleasantly surprised when I didn’t. I’m definitely not posh. I’ve never felt anyone was meaning it in a negative way. I just figured that I probably do sound posh 🤷‍♀️

ThePoshUns · 24/01/2025 23:25

AuntieMarys · 24/01/2025 18:25

Dh's family consider me posh for buying cheese from a cheese counter 😀

Proper fancy! 🤣

Briannaco · 24/01/2025 19:06

Stillwearinggloves · 24/01/2025 18:51

I think you’re absolutely right about the ‘not really belonging’ feeling it results in.

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I wouldn't mind being called posh.

Original poster
Stillwearinggloves · 24/01/2025 18:51

Cattreesea · 24/01/2025 18:20

When I worked briefly for a homelessness charity in London my manager kept saying things like 'You are too posh for us' or 'you look so posh with this dress'...

Frankly it was really annoying and I took it as a dig that I did not really belong in that team. Another team member never even said hello to me or responded to my morning greeting when I cam in and ignored me for the entire time I worked for that charity.

I think you’re absolutely right about the ‘not really belonging’ feeling it results in.

OP posts:
AuntieMarys · 24/01/2025 18:25

Dh's family consider me posh for buying cheese from a cheese counter 😀

northernballer · 24/01/2025 18:23

I was always called common as I had an Easex accent (moved to the Mkdlands as a teenager).and my mum was a single parent.

People are twats!

Cattreesea · 24/01/2025 18:20

When I worked briefly for a homelessness charity in London my manager kept saying things like 'You are too posh for us' or 'you look so posh with this dress'...

Frankly it was really annoying and I took it as a dig that I did not really belong in that team. Another team member never even said hello to me or responded to my morning greeting when I cam in and ignored me for the entire time I worked for that charity.

Owly11 · 24/01/2025 18:10

Just tell them to fuck off and stop being so rude. That should do the trick!

StormingNorman · 24/01/2025 17:48

Macrodatarefiner · 24/01/2025 14:41

Hmm whats a bougie name 🤔

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Xanthe and Crispin?

Whachamacallit · 24/01/2025 17:45

It sounds like you’re picking up on the power dynamics - the more time you e been away from a group the more obvious this sort of jostling for position can be, plus it’s harder to shove yourself back into your assigned box.

I’m perimenopausal and I’ve so little time for this nonsense anymore so I’ve only bad advice to give you. But you’re not wrong to feel it’s off - it’s not important whether it’s a compliment or not; it is, as you’ve said being used to alienate you subtly. Groups often bond by finding either a common enemy (external) or teasing the weakest member. I much prefer 1:1 conversations where we actually enjoy each others company than playing monkey politics.

JessiesJ99 · 24/01/2025 17:06

I only ever refer to someone being 'posh' based on accent. Never based on money, house etc..
I have said to people before when describing someone - "she's a bit posh" 😅

Bankin · 24/01/2025 16:56

Magnoliafarm · 24/01/2025 16:53

Bridget, tarquin, aphrodite, lettuce, peaches, hugh, hetty, marcus

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Brilliant the MIL is on this list 😂

Magnoliafarm · 24/01/2025 16:53

Macrodatarefiner · 24/01/2025 14:41

Hmm whats a bougie name 🤔

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Bridget, tarquin, aphrodite, lettuce, peaches, hugh, hetty, marcus

Briannaco · 24/01/2025 16:50

Stillwearinggloves · 24/01/2025 16:49

I would never say to any of my friends that they are common or rough. I don’t think that, but I would never want to upset anyone by saying that kind of thing anyway. I don’t really want to be called anything other than Still. I think a PP is right about it being ‘othering’.

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I think as we live in a very class based country, you are always going to be called posh, if you are posh.

We have extremes in society. And some people are very posh

Original poster
Stillwearinggloves · 24/01/2025 16:49

Briannaco · 24/01/2025 16:43

But people also call people "common" and rough.

It's not nice the other way either.

Wouldn't you rather be called posh than rough?

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I would never say to any of my friends that they are common or rough. I don’t think that, but I would never want to upset anyone by saying that kind of thing anyway. I don’t really want to be called anything other than Still. I think a PP is right about it being ‘othering’.

OP posts: