People overestimate how much children cost on here?

Yeah it’s certainly not a given!

I live 5 minutes from practically my entire family and DHs, still have to outsource everything 😂

To get a high earning job you usually need to move away from family so you have to outsource everything. Outsourcing costs. Wraparound care, nannies, emergency cover etc. I live in a village where my friends have a mix of local family and far flung family and the costs of those without family are eye watering, breakfast clubs, post school pickups etc, right up to age 10.

I've definitely seen posts on here where people claim you need £x to bring up a child and then list optionals. Of course more money = more choice which is better. But it's still possible.

In fact, there was one thread a few years ago where someone kept telling me it wasn't possible to raise a family on whatever the amount was. My entire income was less than that. Her reasons ranged from
"Oh but I have 2 children" ( so do I)
"Yes, but I live in the SE, it's more expensive here" (so do I)
"Oh yes but I'm in x town." (Amazingly, so am I!)

Turned out she lived in a large semi-detached house in the most expensive part of town. I live in a small terrace elsewhere. She tried claiming she had to be in that area as she needed to be walking distance from the train station. I can get there quicker than she could!

Now of course, she was entitled to live where she lived etc etc. But to claim it wasn't possible at all to raise a family on less than her income was clearly not correct.

I dunno about people overestimating kid costs, but I hate it when you get newspaper articles about 'Kids costs eleventybillion pounds to bring up' but it turns out that includes private school and skiing lessons or something like that!

There’s also child benefit on top. It seems hard to believe that after your rent contribution, and the UC amount, plus an allowance for one child, plus child benefit that it would only leave £400 and some months £500 before any bills.

Well maybe they dont want to dramatically down grade their lives to have kids, and maybe they are accustomed to spending more that you did.
frankly if you really want kids you’ll have them, if you are undecided then the costs are more important.

I think the activities I spend £££ for my kids are pretty vital parts of what I believe to be important aspects of parenting. But other people will regards them as unnecessary.

So even after nursery costs (which is a massive expense) there are 15 years of language and music lesssons, sporting clubs and classes, enriching day trips, mindful toys and games. Comfortable and appropriate clothing, nutritious food. And parents with enough of a financial buffer that they are safe when unexpected things happen.

yes it’s all privileged stuff, but before you have kids is a good time to think closely about if you can afford them, surely.

What benefits were you receiving that totalled £4-500 a month when you have a child?
I feel like those numbers don’t work out.

@Bankin most of the time you'd be right - but the nursery years were an absolute killer.

50k = 3,200 after tax
100 child benefit
= 3,300 take home every month

2,400 nursery fees (appreciate its slightly cheaper now - after funded hours my local is 2,200 after funded hours according to the website)
1,700 private rent for a 2 bed

= all income gone before looking at bills/food etc.

I could have stayed in that job, drained all my savings and then relied on benefits, but decided to increase my income and use my savings to stay afloat in between. Appreciate this isn't possible for everyone, but I was determined not to lean on benefits. That decision is also valid, the same as yours to do the opposite. It doesn't make me bad at budgeting!

So you may not believe it, but that doesn't make it not true 💁‍♀️

MN classic ‘I’ve been more skint than you could ever imagine therefore I am correct’ thread. Sure you could probably live in a studio flat on Lidl bargains and just about afford a kid (not full time childcare though). Hard to know what the point of this thread is.

Yes 1 bed flat 1k rent. Nursery place 2k.
That's 123 a month left over from 50k if you have a student loan. Not london.

But obviously if there is another earner as well there will be whatever the second earner has to use too.

@Bankin 50k isn't the flex you think it is - round here it wouldn't even cover a 1 bed flat and childcare, let alone bills! You'd genuinely be worse off than being on benefits, and I've checked (because those were my circumstances, before increasing my earnings asap) and you wouldn't be entitled to anything! I was in my savings every month for the basics.

Everyone is allowed to feel squeezed, including higher earners. Lower income people are not the only ones 'allowed' to complain. If that were the case MN should just ban everyone you consider rich!

Because they want to provide more than the basics for their children. They will also have to consider childcare costs which in some places, will automatically be £1-2k per month before anything else.

People who don't have kids don't realise that for the first few years your social life and activities grind to a halt!

Pre toddler, I'd be in the gym four times a week then meet the girls or my now DH. Weekends I'd go to gigs or galleries or plays. Or we'd pop off to Rome or Barcelona or simular!

All this stopped with DD, lovely as she is.

That few thousand they probably spend on social lives. They forsee that continuing with Babe in arms. Nope. It goes on Peppa Pig magazine, Paw Patrol pasta and nursery fees! But it's actually fine because cuddles 😄

I grew up the same but it didn't feel happy at all, it was miserable watching my parents scrimp and save and stress over money and we could never afford to do anything.

I didn't want my children to have that life and wouldn't have had them if that was the only choice.

I do see what you're trying to say. We have a baby, I'm still on maternity so no childcare costs yet, but I will be returning to work (4 days) and my wage will be more than what I pay for nursery.

We're going to just have the one child, partly due to money, house size etc. I agree with what I've seen at least one other poster say, we don't want to just cope. We want to go out when we want, have meals out, takeaways, days out, nice clothes, toys etc and we probably couldn't do that with two, despite technically being able to afford to if we really wanted, just with a lesser quality of life.

@Bankin the thing is, people don't WANT to live like that. And those people are allowed to feel like they can't have kids, because they can't afford the lifestyle they would like. And god forbid, they are allowed to complain about it too 💁‍♀️ It's not 'oh they can't budget' 😂

Physically, yes it may be possible. People have to raise kids on the breadline for many reasons. But there is no way I'd plan for a child with that budget. I enjoyed doing all the enrichment activities with DS, having a large enough house with decent heating, a wide variety of fruits and veggies, having a car to get around, having holidays... without that, honestly, not only my, but also his standard of living would have been reduced. And I don't want that for my child.