To think that moving to London will "fix me"

London can be very lonely. Definitely the post work pint has dwindled since the pandemic.

You can make friends via things like MeetUp certainly but London is so big your friends could live a long tube ride away.

It’s really fascinating how different peoples experiences are. Mine is the absolute opposite. Grew up in a town that’s often cited on MN and in the media as a desirable place to move - a well-connected, picturesque market town close to countryside - and was depressed pretty much from the day I was born until the day I left. I used to sit in primary school dreaming about living in New York without really knowing what or where New York was. I never fitted in or found friends, I certainly didn’t find people nice and welcoming and I was born there (but parents foreign/not from there). I came alive once I moved to London and found my true people (but I don’t work in finance or tech or encounter many of the kind of people you’re talking about, I don’t particularly like that type either).

Yes! Born and bred Londoner here. London welcomes everyone. I love that my friends come from all round the world. As a Londoner I have more in common with other people from major international cities (eg New York/ Mexico City/ Berlin/ Paris) than with people from regional towns in the UK.

I work full time in one of the most interesting places in the world for my sector, dc attends an excellent state school, world class culture is on our doorstep - we’re at the theatre or galleries or something else interesting at least once a week. In fact I went to see a play that was so incredible last night I can’t stop thinking about it! We do sports every weekend in one of our huge parks or on the river. People like to complain about London but if you’re a city person you’re a city person, and this one’s brilliant.

Welcome to London! I think you’ll love it here.

I've been in London since I was 23, so more than 20 years and have found it really friendly. I met a group of people online very quickly when I arrived, had drinks with them and found myself with an instant friendship group which has waxed and waned over the years but four of us went to the theatre together last week. I work at a business which is very sociable, so have good friends from there, and a little group of 2/3 fellow school mums who are sanity-savers and blessedly local. We also have brilliant neighbours. I don't recognise the description of London as lonely at all.

From how you've described yourself I do think London would suit you.

I moved out of London to a biggish commuter town and it's so boring by comparison and I feel like there's hardly anyone like me around (and I've joined just aboug every local club trying to find them). People here are saying you can do activities anywhere but it's just not the same.

I'm a Londoner and unlike the poster above I think London is pretty good for finding a community. I will say English people generally can take a long while to warm up and become actual friends, but no need to restrict yourself to English people.

I agree with PP. London is a lonely place. Even if you find your "tribe". I don't have any friends here and am hoping to move to a smaller community to try and find some. Everyone just goes home after work. You might find a community centre with your countryfolk here but you might live some distance from it. Will you be inspired to go an event four boroughs over just because?

I think maybe you are struggling to integrate with people in general? It might not be cultural, it might be many other things. I would think very carefully before making the leap.

Since you can afford it I would do it.

Not sure your colleagues will be drinking after work a lot, but you'd be able to go to the networking events. Plus you could join a sociable type gym and meet people there doing your sports. And there are tons of activities in London you are less likel to fine elsewhere. It's only whether you actually have enough time between work and kids to go out and do them.

Kindly, be ready for a bit of disappointment.
I feel that moving back to Prague would "fix me", but surely not. Britain has changed for worse, but so did other places, in different ways.
We have to fix what's wrong with ourselves, then look at moving where it would work for us.
Wow, that's actually a mature response 😂

Working remotely is the first problem. You are isolated and clearly quite extrovert.

Can you start by setting up a club that might attract like minded people - maybe a wine and cheese appreciation club? Host it, or arrange for a local wine bar to host it.

I moved from London to a village and didn't really connect with anyone until I set up a group for an interest I have as there wasn't one locally. Nearly every friend I now have locally came from that group.

You mention a dog - couple up with some neighbours for dog walks and risk chatting about things that really matter to you. That way you suss out who shares your interests. I have a good friend who I never really connected with for years until our career interests overlapped. We went on long dogwalks and I found her absolutely fascinating. then she invited me along to one of her hobbies which I loved so we started doing that together too. I know when I catch up with her, there is always something interesting to discuss.

Are you a native Londoner OP? Apologies if this has been covered!

I would go if can afford to go, you seem really bored where you are, I don’t think you would have the social life you think you will have in London as everyone is always really busy/ tired there but I’m sure it would be better than where you are. People can also be quite unfriendly.
I lived in Clapham / South Clapham for a while and thought it was fine although I did feel it had a very young party crowd.

London is certainly more diverse and there's lots more going on. I think people there are also more likely to welcome outsiders: my experience of rural places is that people take a very long time to welcome you. I imagine being non British and/or non white is much easier in London.

But it isn't a silver bullet. For one thing obviously its very expensive and it can take quite a while to settle. I also wouldn't fall into the trap of assuming you will socialise more in London. People who live in London don't really live in "London", they live in their particular London village (ie Camden or Brixton or Wandsworth). It takes hours to get anywhere. If you know people in that particular village it's good but if you live in East Sheen and your colleagues live in Edmonton you may just as well be living in the country.

There's lots to like about London but don't go into it expecting it to be a quick fix for all your problems.

I'm "from" London - (that's how I'm known around here anyway, actually I was born in Sussex but lived in London from aged 18-40) ....
So saying this with genuine lived experience, London is a really isolating place.

When it was great was when I was a student aged 18 for a good few years living in shared accommodation with other people my age, working at the local pub, going out a lot I had a great time.
I can say I wouldn't have met my amazing husband because we met at a dinner party in London hosted by a mutual friend when I was 28.

I'd gotten into a corporate office job who yes, put on lovely fancy Christmas parties and had drinks after work on a Friday but Christ almighty the people were so DULL beyond belief boring. Also cliquey (eg we go snowboarding together because our parents are rich, we're not interested in people who rent a flat in Finsbury Park like you) and the blokes were also really misogynistic, I was told to wear high heels more often by some bloke who worked in a different department to me. It was a tech company like you, but I had an admin role.

After having children, ditching my office job and living in Finsbury park which is delightfully multicultural, unless you actually want to get to know your neighbours who have no interest in getting to know you because you're not from where they are from..... I noticed I had no community at all. I'd go to the baby groups and less than 5% of people actually had English as their language, they all went with their own people showed no interest in getting to know an English baby who's family were in Sussex. It was really hard to make local friends. I obviously had a lot of friends from uni who had children around the same time we stayed in touch and that was lovely but there was no sense of community whatsoever in my area.

We left London to move to the countryside. The difference is astonishing. I can't believe how nice and thoughtful and friendly everyone is here.
I feel as though all my years in London were actually a very dark time in my life.

Honestly I think the idea that it's all in people's heads and they just need to "reframe", or meditate or (as always suggested on MN) go to the GP for anti-depressants is actually the big lie.

I think a lot of people's poor mental health is about their environment. For me, it would be living in a big city that would be crushing (I'm a bumpkin). The UK weather also used to make me constantly low-level depressed. Once I moved abroad, I was "fixed", and have never been healthier or happier.

I realise this is cold comfort for people who can't change their environment, but there it is.

Even if you can afford to buy I would consider renting in an area first to see if you like it. The stamp duty hit on London properties is eye watering eg a £650k flat would be £20k so you don’t want to have to move again.
In London moving even a couple of streets can make a huge difference to the area you are in and Estate Agents often gloss over that. eg one of the most deprived neighbourhoods in London is less than 5 mins walk away from £££££ properties in St John’s Wood. I suspect plenty of EA would refer to it as a vibrant area on the outskirts of SJW or similar.

I lived in multiple parts of London before buying my first property and DH did similar.

Ok move to London but then invite me to your dog's birthday and we'll listen to chill wave together, and talk about our careers.

Joke aside, I'm an expat too, I've been living in London for 8 years, and I absolutely love it. I have a lot of friends now (took some time), we're similar but not identical, we share similar interest.
AND WE HAVE DOGS. I'm quite outdoorsy, but also like a rave, and London allows me to do just both very easily.

If you need any N London tips, let me know!

I don't know what industry you work in but I've found the post work drink culture there was in my twenties has disappeared post covid (I'm still best mates with the people I started my job with twenty years ago and we did a lot of after work bonding in the pub but they've all moved on now.) Although maybe it's just because I'm old and boring and don't get invited to drinks anymore. People still go out but it's more organised team dos than impromptu drinks I find (I was in Weds last week and the bars in Canary Wharf were empty.) I'm just saying maybe don't bank on it, lots of people have moved further out in Covid and have longer commutes, only in office once or twice a week, etc.

I don’t mean to be dismissive of your experience (and I totally agree the winter months in the UK are depressing and don’t help) but in the interests of giving an alternative point of view, I have found it MUCH easier to make friends in London than in other places I’ve lived in the UK, including where I grew up. My personal experience has been that there’s such a diverse load of people moving into London from pretty much everywhere globally, that the communities are far less homogenous than those you might find in small towns. I’ve made the best friends I’ve ever had in London and really found my people. Having a dog also helped as you get talking to other dog walkers and many have become actual friends. I also live in a cheaper “grittier” part of London where people are generally down to earth (not that down to earth people can’t live in Clapham or Chelsea for instance but there’s no competitive displays of wealth or status. Just nice people meeting in the pub with our dogs).

I moved out of London two years ago and seriously, seriously regret it. If you're the type of person that like the international, cosmopilatan city, then London is life in UK. I would go back in a flash if I were you. You can afford it, the office is fun half the week and you will meet people from your expat community.

apart from anything else, we've come to the conclusion that living in the sticks is seriously prematurely ageing 😂. life is too short to yearn to be somewhere else, do it. Good luck!

I left a job that was predominately remote working. I felt isolated. I didn't realise how much I needed the social side of work. I moved to a job that was predominately office based. Covid rocked the boat a bit but now mostly back in the office and that suits me. Don't get me wrong I could do without the commute etc and periodically I still enjoy a working at home day but I know for me I need people around me to be my best. Good luck with what you decide.

I moved to London when I was 18 and never looked back. I am not white but I’m never conscious of my skin colour here. I love nearly everything about being here, despite the bad press London can receive.

It has been a fabulous place to raise kids. I have made friends from work but also from school, despite working full-time. I do tend to be quite good at small-talk and engaging people though.

I find it’s an exciting life here still even though I’m now in my 50s. It is expensive, but then a lot of places are these days. When are you go into central London, the restaurants and bars are still heaving, as are the West End Theatres. I feel very ‘alive’ in London.

People do seem to be more accepting of difference and don’t blink an eyelid at anybody walking past in whatever outfit etc they choose. My young adult kids are uni students elsewhere but they are adamant they will return to London when they start working.

I even love the Tube! I am very biased but it sounds like London life would suit you. Come and join us all!

Give it a go - rent here for a year and try to build the life you want. But give location a LOT of thought. A lot of the activities will be highly localised.