To think that moving to London will "fix me"

Do it! London is the place I feel most alive in the UK. There are plenty of ways to make friends, and certainly in my office in the city, people do go out for a swift drink! I agree that a lot of networking events are also in London, which is another great way to meet people.

It's worth a shot if you can afford it. I'm not from the UK, though I lived there for a long time, ten years of that, very happily, in London -- when I moved to the midlands for a job with DH and a baby, I found the village we moved to a total desert in terms of kindred spirits. And I'm NT, socially confident and have never struggled with friends, nor am I in any way unusual, but I coded as 'highly unusual' for that particular social environment, on things as unexceptionable as 'being a foreigner', 'being a working mother', and 'cycling everywhere'.

Pffft I've been to New York 4 times, all before moving to London. Wouldn't go again because London is so much better.

Yes, I'm in Blackheath/Greenwich and imo it's way nicer than Wimbledon. There's more to do Maritime Museum/Observatory/Royal Naval College/Queens house than Wimbledon - it's a bit suburby and is a place for earlier parenting

Also where I am it's just into Zone 3 and about 18 minutes to the theatres

Plus the 256 acre park and along the river for walks. I never walked when I lived outside London, I DROVE to go for walks. In London I've got dogs and a really active lifestyle.

I go to the theatre twice a month, have made so many friends because I've joined things. I don't find it at all unfriendly, people talk to me every day.

If your budgets about 1-1.5 I have at least 3 houses to send you links to as I'm obsessed with the property market

@laaandoner - ah! I should have know that - now I do, thank you!

@Dazedandconfusedma that quote is by Samuel Johnson- but you are right, it's pretty accurate.

OP given all that you've said I really believe London would be right for you. Not necessarily Clapham which is quite yummy mummy but maybe, or maybe somewhere trendier like Brixton, or somewhere villagey like Blackheath for dog walks on Greenwich Park?

Anyway, people on here can often be snooty about London and say it's not all that, but if you're a city person then there's really no comparison, other than perhaps New York, and even New York doesn't have the pavement cafe / drinking culture that we have. The diversity of groups you can find aligning with any and every hobby or niche is second to none, and the opportunities to engage in culture are incredible.

Go for it!

Have PMed you the details!

Ah but now you have a new DH in the mix by the sound of it? Who must have been local to you when you met?

I don't people are any more likely to stay for a post work pint in London . In fact they are probably less likely to because London is so huge and the commuting area also huge. People will travel into London for work from miles away and not want to hang around too long after work.
I think you probably do need to move to a city if you live in a coastal town I can see why you might feel as though you can't find your people but I don't think London is necessarily the answer.

I’m really curious as to how you ended up living on the coast 3 hours away from the nearest city! And hats off to someone who is not “mumsy” but has managed to raise 4 kids!

I am presuming your DH is not from your country/culture as you don’t talk in terms of the two of you meeting people from your country? So you miss speaking in your native language? Do you think that you’d benefit from having friends from your own country even if you don’t have much else in common with them?

I think you probably would get a new lease of life in London. I would not live anywhere else myself. However, as others said, I think you’ll struggle to find people from the office who spontaneously go for a drink after work. Yes, I agree that the pubs in the City are still thronged but, kindly, they are not thronged with people who want to hang out with people in their 50s who are most likely senior to them at work. It’s mostly young people out drinking while the older ones are either working late or take the opportunity to get back to their families if they do finish early. (And who probably live further out and have a longer commute)

I live in London, on my street I have friends from France, India, USA (quite a few), Argentina, Italy, as well as lots of brits, and at work I have colleagues who are American, Canadian, Malaysian, Palestinian, etc. as well as lots of brits. London has a mountain of things to do, and really is brilliant in a lot of ways. I often think of the Oscar Wilde quote “tired of London, tired of life” while I go about my day-to-day…

It’s still the UK so the weather is still shit, and it’s v polluted and dirty with a fair amount of crime, it’s v expensive, there are lots of queues and people… but if you can deal with those things then you might just love it.

Come to London - it's great x

Yes - a friend of mine moved to East London near Springfield Park. She knew no one but got a dog. Within weeks she was so busy and had lifelong friends. There was an exceptionally sociable dog walkers' club there. They would be so up for doggy birthday parties. Clapton, not Clapham!

I’m like you Op, I’m career driven and not that mumsy, I don’t feel I particularly fit in on the school run. I live rurally and so many of the mums don’t have careers or hobbies.

I love networking in London (I can get the train into central within 90 mins), and I love the vibe and access to clubs/activities/culture.

I totally see where you’re coming from and it’s worth a try!

What are performance sports?!

You are quite delightfully bonkers and specific if you think moving to London will help you achieve the dream of celebrating your dog's birthday. Just befriend some dog walkers, tell them it may be a bit eccentric but you've always wanted to celebrate your dog's birthday with a big meaty cake, and invite them and their dogs to a party in the park. Bring some food for the humans and some balls and sticks to throw. I bet you will make instant friends, wherever you are.

I don't even have a dog but I'd be so up for this!

I lived in London for 15 years, love lots of things about it, still have lots of friends there...but didn't really make many "proximity friends" from my local area the whole time I was there. Moved out a few years ago to the hipster bit of a northern city and it's like being the bloody Mayor just walking to get a coffee - I always see someone to stop and chat to. London just doesn't really work like that. The friends you make are through work or through other friends.

As a side note, are you sure about Clapham? You sound a bit too cool for Clapham. Maybe east, or Brixton village?

I don't think moving anywhere will 'fix you'. It may be a better environment but you'll still need to put the effort in.

Ooh which play?

In a bigger city, you're more likely to meet like-minded people. And the population is more transient so people don't have the same established social networks.

My parents have lived in the same country village for 25 years now (moved there when I was a teen) and they've reached the point where most people will at least nod to them. My mum was talking to one of the neighbours down the road about a parish council matter a few weeks ago and he actually said to her "of course what newcomers like you don't remember is..." My mum joked to me afterwards that they'll still be "newcomers" when they're carried out feet-first 😂.

I think if either your interests or something about your personality is niche in some way, you'll do better in a big city/London. Classic example would be a goth, or someone into a niche music scene - that scene won't be well represented in a smaller place whereas London will have enough people interested in it. But I think this dynamic exists for personality as well - some people simply are more 'niche' and will find fewer people that they really click with, while other people click with a wider range of people. The niche people might struggle in a smaller place as there simply won't be many people who are quite right for them.