She doesn't speak English - pointless meeting up

I think your parents are probably just being horrible and she can speak English passably. Even if she couldn't, stop being nasty and make an effort!

I'd clam up too if I was her, in an insular northern town with no diversity or experience of life outside.

Why don't you try and learn a few words of her native language?

In OP's defence, it is extremely unusual and strange for someone to know three languages but none of it being English. Without giving away identifying details, my work involves a lot of languages and identifying the degrees of fluency. One thing that many, many people tend to lie about is how many languages they can speak.

When someone claims to speak "3 languages", it's usually just one language and they only have very basic or no skills in the other two. Language bragging is particularly common in people with lower education levels but who still want to impress others. They tell everyone they speak several languages because they know you cannot verify if that's true.

True trilingualism in the sense of being able to fluently speak, understand read, write and think in three languages is vanishingly rare. It requires a high level of academics and (usually) some sort of international background. As a result, one of those languages is invariably English as that's the most common denominator across the world. Before anyone gets triggered by the paragraph below, YES there are loads of people in the world who can speak 3 languages truly fluently but over 90% of them have English as one of the three.

So in this case, it's probably YABU not to meet a potential close relative due to communication problems but YANBU to question why she told your brother she "speaks" 3 languages but is in no hurry to learn English. That is a genuine red flag. Based on experience, many people who claim they speak 3 or more languages are simply lying about it impress others or to embellish their CV. It would make you question what other things the are faking about themselves to make themselves appear better.

Lots of people are berating OP here because they immediately believe the fact that this SIL can speak 3 languages. I would say you need to question that first. OP, if your family has never met this girl and you only have what your BIL told you about her, you need to dig a bit deeper to see if she really can do all the things she claims. We don't know more about her family or work background, so maybe there are unique factors that make sense. However simply going from a statistical perspective, it does not sound very plausible.

Might have missed some posts but it sounds like she grew up in Western Europe? English is always the second language taught in schools across Europe so something in her story doesn't add up.

If that's the vibe she's getting from her in-laws to be, no wonder she's not in a hurry to improve her English!

YABU, my SIL is Italian and Spanish, she speaks French and English as 2nd languages to a very high standard.
She invited me to her hen night and it was a total melting pot of languages and language proficiency, from her Italian and Spanish friends/relatives who barely spoke any English or other languages to people proficient in many (like herself). I ended up becoming close friends with one of her school friends who spoke a little English but mainly Spanish, and another of her friends who also spoke a little English but Mostly Italian. I'm now much better in both languages, I have seen some amazing Italian and Spanish films, have my music isn't in English anymore. Be open minded, use translate on google if you need to.
I have also found the European definition of not speaking English is actually I can hold a conversation in English but it won't be perfect or complex.

I'm sure she speaks a little English, and do you know any of the 3 languages she knows to converse in a little?

Massively unreasonable of you to assume that.

@Dannnyy culturally - and you’d no know this as you’ve never been anywhere/explored anything outside your own area - when someone Germanic says they don’t speak English it means that they don’t speak it at practical mother tongue level. There is a strong possibility that she can say a few things, and her hi and bye could have been more that you weren’t bothering to speak to her and finding out.

First rule of meeting people who are inportant to your family? DONT BE A DICK!

She's never left the UK and there are no foreigners in her hometown.

Exactly 💯

we have met her briefly but have no relationship with her really.
you seem determined to keep
it that way. What an odd outlook, you sound very 'British'

OP aren’t you surprised when you visit a country where you don’t speak the language by just how much it is possible to communicate with locals who don’t speak English? I’ve had so many wonderful interactions over the years with people with whom I don’t share a language.

You are weird. My mom is English and my father Spanish, my brother married a Spanish girl who doesn´t speak English and my aunt doesn´t speak Spanish, wipped google translate out and communicated. She is your brother´s fiance, not some random. I am used to translating here and there, so´s my brother, we make it work. It´s not that you have to spend a week with her it´s just a meal fgs.

YABVU and rude. How will she learn English if nobody ever talks to her.

Most Swiss have some English even if not formally taught. Surely meeting his family is an opportunity learn and you should support it.

You are looking at this very negatively and unless you can change that mindset, I wouldn't go as you are not going to give a good impression.

I'm assuming she doesn't live in this country and so why is the responsibility on her to speak English, you are sounding very entitled. You need to meet her half way and try to pick up a few of her native words and show willing.

She presumably lives abroad and speaks the language of that country, and if your brother is there with her, he will speak that language.

Just think how daunting it is for her, coming to the UK and meeting her future inlaws.

A distant family member lived in Columbia and came home with his Columbian girlfriend and stayed at his elderly Mums and she was in her late 70's. His Mum learnt a few words in advance, Hello, welcome etc and gave her a hug. Both parties tried and what his Mum took away from it was that the girlfriend made her son happy, she could tell from the body language. You can also tell a lot from someone by the effort they make.

This explains it all. I get where you are coming from, I live in an area like this also and come from a family like yours. Just get along, enjoy yourself and I am sure you will get on all fine. It's never easy meeting new people when you come from this background, probably farming sort of area...?

You sound nice, why not try learning her language

I also agree that lots of Europeans have a different interpretation of “poor” when it comes to their language skills - they often speak much better than what we would expect from a Poor speaker of the language. This is obviously an exaggeration but also not a million miles from the truth in many cases…https://m.youtube.com/shorts/RwU3APlPUFY

Why don’t you really want to go OP? There must be something underlying this as I don’t believe is about language. What’s the dynamic between you, your parents, your brother? Are there other siblings?

How could it be a reverse. The gf wouldn't know her sil don't want to meet her due to the English thing and if she doesnt speak English How would she be writing on mumsnet of all places... IN ENGLISH

OP surely you can communicate with her in French as it is commonly taught in British schools?

I hope this is fake! If someone is deaf or struggled with speech due to a stroke (or a million other reasons) etc would you just not bother with them OP?

What if she was deaf and british, would it still be pointless meeting? 🙄 you don't have to be able to communicate in spoken English to have the respect to meet someone.