She doesn't speak English - pointless meeting up

she speaks 3 languages none of which are English. I know my brother could just translate and I have school level knowledge of one language.

So you could make the effort to communicate. How many languages do you speak fluently?

YABU.

It doesn't hurt to show willingness and friendliness to give your brother's future wife a pleasant welcome. It's quite possible to communicate across several languages in a family if people are open and willing.

From your last post, it's clear that she speaks English and that her idea of not speaking English is not speaking it to the level she speaks her other languages. She is also a human being and a shy one, so will be fluent in body language. You have started out with a bit of a dismissive attitude towards your much younger brother. Have a little think about some of your assumptions and attitudes and give them a little wobble before this dinner. I think your OP is a bit more about your family dynamic than xenophobia etc.

Yes this. Especially if you and your parents are Northern it can be hard to understand everything at first.

After 13 years of being with DH I can now understand his nan perfectly, even when she speaks with a broad Yorkshire accent.

Amazing.

Top AIBU of 2025 so far.

You’re not going to have fun, you’re going to meet her. You can’t cancel because you think it will be awkward. It’s not like you will all be sat in silence. Your brother speaks her language, she is learning English. It will be fine.

Fucking hell OP. My DH's English wasn't brilliant when we met but my family still welcomed him with open arms. I did teach him to say "this is the dog's bollocks" whenever anyone gave him food so that probably helped 😅

As a foreigner who came to the UK with a C2 level of English and still struggled with daily, informal conversations, there are two things you can do to make communication easier for her:

1. Students are typically exposed to RP or American accents, so she may find it challenging to understand yours. While it might feel frustrating, the closer you can adjust your accent to standard English pronunciation, the easier it will be for her to follow.
2. She is likely more familiar with formal language, so she might feel a bit lost if you use a lot of phrasal verbs (e.g., "put off" instead of "postpone") or idioms (e.g., "pull someone's leg" instead of "joke").

My cousin has French partner and she does a lot of translation as he doesn't speak Polish and her parents don't speak English or French. You will adjust to the flow very quickly :)

Gosh imagine if you were in her shoes. You don't speak the language of your fiancé's family well and your potential SIL can't be bothered to welcome or try to interact with you.

Perhaps your brother has said things about you or your family that has made her nervous or shy about using her English? Smiling and body language is universal and if you were in her shoes you'd hope someone would be welcoming to you.

Well that's nice

You're not interested in your future sister-in-law?

Do you not like your brother?

Well I meant more like maybe it's the brother or mother writing it or another relative.

@Dannnyy My parents really want us all to go out for a meal

(Light hearted) No, your parents want an opportunity to observe and judge the new fiancée 😂

Would second the duolingo app... It's free and fun and you can probably have some laughs about what you learn... The horse plays the piano... Or I am a butterfly. As someone in a family with sibling partners from 3 different countries, yes it might be a bit awkward but making a bit of effort would be amazing. And the feeling of welcome you can give doesn't need words.

I suspect that more than not knowing any English part of the issue is the accenr, so be patient and it will be great.

Not everyone is good at languages. When I was at school French was compulsory and if you were in the top set you took German as well, there certainly wasn't an option for Italian. I was middle set and to be honest should have been in the bottom as I was rubbish at French.

I've been in your SILs shoes often - quite a lot of DH's family speak a little or no English. Some of them have no common language really with DH, like a couple of his great aunts. DH is bilingual and also speaks good French, his great aunts speak 3 or 4 languages, but none the same.

If you are all willing to be friendly and reasonable, it'll be absolutely fine.

Glad you've taken on the feedback here OP, and I'm sure her English will be better than your parents made it out to be. Don't worry too much, people all over the world manage to communicate without shared languages. My Scottish dad married my Finnish mum, he's never been able to learn Finnish beyond a handful of mispronounced words and my mum's parents didn't speak English beyond odd words and phrases but he managed just fine with them, even stayed in Finland by himself when he did his sabbatical over there and mum was back in the UK so me and my brothers could go to school. I didn't really speak Finnish as a child but managed with my grandparents too. Communication is so much more than just the words we say, and nowadays its even easier with translation apps.

If she speaks French, German and Italian, surely you must speak at least one of these,as you're being quite dismissive of her English learning?

Wow, what a lovely supportive sister you are.

I am glad you are going to try OP. I have found the Duolingo app to be a fun way to pick up French again.

I learned French at school and was horrible at it. As a Quality Manager I had to manage a quality audit by our customer, Aerospatiale so I read their quality system document and used a French/English dictionary to work out the technical terms. This was before Duolingo and I was so focussed on the technical terms I overlooked some of the basic vocabulary. I managed the safety briefing but as we were leaving the conference room for the factory I had this exchange with their senior person
Him: Where did you learn French?
Me; At school
Him: Because you told us to wear traffic lights on our heads at all times.
Me: Oh dear.

They did appreciate that I made the effort though and I'm sure your future SIL will appreciate it too.

So? "Stunted" conversation is better than no conversation. Your parents are trying to welcome your brother's fiancée into the family and you are raising objections because you won’t be able to have sparkling conversation with her. Is there another reason you are resisting? Because the one you’ve given certainly isn’t reasonable.

Use Google translate

I went to a grammar school in the Netherlands, I had several classmates that were unwilling to speak any English because they were so embarrassed by their (lack of) English skills. In theory they should have been around a B1 level after six years of English education, in practice they could barely say hello and goodbye.

People can also be horrible. My husband doesn't like speaking Dutch in front of my siblings because they've been mean about it to him before! It only takes one experience like that to turn someone off a language.

Exactly this ! If you grow up in a rural family in this area you would definitely speak all these languages but may have had little occasion to speak or learn English.
Fwiw I would also assume she's trilingual actually! Growing up abroad I knew quite a few people who were bilingual European who did not speak English. These days I agree less common but certainly exists

I'm horribly monolingual, apart from a bit of French.

But I travel widely as a solo backpacker and am constantly in situations where I don't speak the language and the locals don't speak mine. I regularly stay in homestays with local families that I don't share a single word with. Do we communicate facts or questions efficiently? Not exactly. But personal connection, facial expression, body language, sign language and a ton of of smiles makes for a lot of fun and warmth. So it's not 'difficult'. And OP has a brother to translate when needed, and three other English speakers to talk to over that meal.

Your brother is 17 years younger than you, and has a girlfriend, so you must be in your thirties and you've never been abroad. There's a whole wonderful world out there OP, please go and explore it.

I wonder if OP’s brother is winding them all up saying she doesn’t speak English If she speaks French, Italian and Swiss German it’s highly unlikely she doesn’t have at least a smattering of English.

Brits and especially English can be so sniffy about people who don’t speak English, when more often than not they themselves only speak English.