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AIBU?

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Original poster

She doesn't speak English - pointless meeting up

387 replies

Dannnyy · 24/01/2025 06:57

My brother recently got engaged, he and his fiancée are coming to visit next week, we have met her briefly but have no relationship with her really.
My parents really want us all to go out for a meal, however she speaks 3 languages none of which are English. I know my brother could just translate and I have school level knowledge of one language. However I think it would be extremely awkward, and just not very fun. Apparently she is learning English but my brother says she's not in any hurry to get "good" at it.

AIBU to think it's pointless meeting for a meal in these circumstances?

OP posts:
Whaleandsnail6 · 24/01/2025 07:12

We have family that live in another European country of which I dont speak the language.

I'd be pretty hurt if some of our relatives said there was no point in us going visiting as we dont speak the language.

What happens is people who speak both their language and English translate for us and its always lovely to see them all.

NeedSomeComfy · 24/01/2025 07:12

If someone has a baby, would you refuse to meet it until it could talk on the grounds that 'it'll be awkward if it doesn't speak English'?

Original poster
Dannnyy · 24/01/2025 07:12

@NormaleKartoffeln

She grew up between France and Northern Italy, her dad is Swiss German.

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 24/01/2025 07:12

For what it's worth I'd find it awkward, I'm not as good at non-verbal communication as other people, but for the sake of a family member I'd make the effort.

Loopytiles · 24/01/2025 07:11

YABU also for your verging on xenophobic comments implying that your brother’s GF - who speaks several languages - should know English! Do you speak other languages?

NormaleKartoffeln · 24/01/2025 07:11

Dannnyy · 24/01/2025 07:09

Okay fair enough I'm being unreasonable.

I think a part of me is just surprised she doesn't speak English when she is from a Western European country and speaks 3 languages, I thought it was commonly taught in European schools.

Where is she from?

DeffoNeedANameChange · 24/01/2025 07:10

Of course the conversation will be stunted/awkward. But not so awkward that you can't even sit through one meal!

How many weeks of classes/what level of qualification will be considered worthy of your time?

Ps in my experience, whenever anyone says they "don't speak any English" they've always meant "my English is much better than your GCSE French".

Loopytiles · 24/01/2025 07:10

YABU, your reasons for not going are crap.

GreatUser80 · 24/01/2025 07:10

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Jklow1254 · 24/01/2025 07:10

Not a great attitude to have really. I’m assuming your brother speaks the same language as her and can translate? A friend of mine is married to an English man who doesn’t speak her native language, and her family don’t speak English. They have managed for years, and he has a good relationship with them.

Original poster
Dannnyy · 24/01/2025 07:09

Okay fair enough I'm being unreasonable.

I think a part of me is just surprised she doesn't speak English when she is from a Western European country and speaks 3 languages, I thought it was commonly taught in European schools.

OP posts:
SlapTheMelon · 24/01/2025 07:09

Wow OP she sounds accomplished and will learn English fast. You sound petty and small minded. How many languages do you speak?

GreatUser80 · 24/01/2025 07:08

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Whyherewego · 24/01/2025 07:08

My SIL family don't speak great English and my step dad doesn't speak any (different language) and my DP doesn't speak much of stepdad language and none of us siblings speak my SILs native language.
We all manage! We even all have had several family holidays together. This happens with a combo of some translation, some broken English and some side bar conversations between people who do speak the same language. It's fun and we laugh and I love our melting pot family!

GreatUser80 · 24/01/2025 07:07

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Dontsparethehorses · 24/01/2025 07:07

YABU - definitely go, if need be google translate where you speak into it and she can read/ it reads it in another language is incredibly good these days.

you need to make an effort for your brother and parents sake

Moonlightstars · 24/01/2025 07:07

Surely this isn't real.

BlondeFool · 24/01/2025 07:07

Viviennemary · 24/01/2025 07:04

Unless you change your terrible attitude it will be pointless.

This.

Original poster
Dannnyy · 24/01/2025 07:06

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He is 17 years younger than me so we don't really have anything in common!

OP posts:
GreatUser80 · 24/01/2025 07:06

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GreatUser80 · 24/01/2025 07:05

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PickledPurplePickle · 24/01/2025 07:05

YABVU but with your attitude it might be for the best if you don’t go !

Original poster
Dannnyy · 24/01/2025 07:04

ApolloandDaphne · 24/01/2025 07:02

How weird not to want to meet her just because she doesn't speak English. My BIL didn't speak English when we first met him but we muddled through. There is a lot than can be shared through other forms of communication. Don't exclude her, welcome her into your family.

Can you expand on how it worked? I feel like the conversation is going to be very stunted as my brother will have to translate everything in both directions.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 24/01/2025 07:04

Unless you change your terrible attitude it will be pointless.

sunshineandshowers40 · 24/01/2025 07:03

I would make an effort and go if I had a good relationship with my sibling. It might not be as awkward as you think.