She doesn't speak English - pointless meeting up

@Dannnyy You say you are surprised she speaks no English as she’s from a country where they learn English in school?

Yet you live in a country where they learn French, German, Spanish in school. So why don’t YOU speak any other language?

Here's a novel idea - learn one of the three languages that she does speak. Then you and her can talk away about anything and everything.

I hate the idea that everybody has to know how to speak English instead of at least trying to learn another language. At least try for goodness sake.

I've just reread, and you even have school level knowledge of one of her languages!

You really do sound incredibly insular. As has been pointed out, the evening is going to be much harder for her, communication-wise. You just sound as though you can't be bothered. I hope your parents are much more enthusiastic about meeting their prospective DIL.

Look on this as a fantastic chance to improve your school level language, maybe doing a crash Duolingo course before you meet.

But this would be a very uncommon scenario. Someone else said a sense of humour helps - it really does. I speak 4 languages but am hampered by being a shy introvert with zero confidence! I’m always terrified I’m going to make a really embarrassing mistake or that people will think me stupid. But, when we went on holiday to France (not one of my languages), I tried ordering tickets with my long forgotten gcse French and the ticket officer was lovely (I hear this is not that common in Paris!) - waited patiently, chuckled at my small mistakes and helped out when I couldn’t say what I wanted to! My friend, who is brilliant at laughing at herself and not taking herself too seriously, told an entire language class a story about The Princess and the Pea in Italian, not realising that the word for a single pea is also the equivalent to “willy”, so when you think about the story, it gives it a whole new twist! I would have been mortified but she found it hilarious when she was told what she’d done! My mum told her potential new son-in-law that later, she would eat him instead of saying she would give him something to eat!
I still feel awkward in these situations but with all of you there you should be able to muddle through fine - your parents sound keen so will likely make a good effort. And a meal is always good because you can talk about the food if nothing else!

Dear oh dear...

There are lots of ways to communicate without language.
Making an effort to go for a meal with someone and spend time with them sends a strong positive message.
Not bothering sends a different but also very clear message.
Go and see what happens - it will probably be way more fun than you expect. She sounds like an interesting person!

Why is everyone so against being spoken to slowly and loudly? Surely that is exactly what you should do if speaking to someone who speaks very little of your language?

I don’t speak my DCs father’s first language and most of his family don’t speak English ( I still manage to have a good laugh with them I might add) but I am working on it. And I absolutely love when his mother speaks slowly and loudly to me! Everyone gives her a hard time for it but I find it so helpful for my learner brain 😂

Oh and I suggest you book a holiday abroad and do some Duolingo to pick up a few basic words in the language of the country you're going to, because you REALLY need to expand your horizons!

Weird. My brother is 16 years older and he's still one of my best friends. I guess it is the one year that make the difference.

However, you don't have to meet her if this is your attitude. Your instinct is "what's the point" instead of "tips on how to do this" and that says a lot. I really don't want to sound rude but think about this for one second how you think eating with someone your own brother is going to spend rest of his life with is completely pointless just cause you don't get to coverse the way you expect. The stakes are so low, worst thing that could happen is that conversations doesn't flow.

My mom speaks not that great English anymore and my grandmother doesn't speak a word. Yet my bf is capable of having a convo with them. It involves a lot of pointing, translating, both using words that other may know in some language. Pointing to a flower and saying "bella" is universal enough even if nobody speaks Italian.

That being said. She propably does speak a bit of English.

YABU

Bloody hell, OP, you're not coming across well at all.

I am bilingual but I've been in situations where I've had to socialise with people I didn't have a language in common with. I've muddled through with elderly Italians in my very basic Spanish, and sometimes just had to rely on smiles and body language with my sister in law's Turkish parents who don't speak a word of English.

You just make the effort, for the benefit of your loved one. Scintillating conversation about current affairs or football or astrology isn't the purpose of the meeting.

Only French is commonly taught in state schools. Italian isn't taught. I'm not sure if Swiss German is different to German. However, OP should learn French to communicate with her SIL. Really surprised that she lives in England but she's never come across anyone other than English.

I think it will do good for you to join them and expand your world.

Wow so unreasonable. My BIL is from another country his English is very good but his parents (particularly the dad) spoke no English at all. Obviously we met them in run up to the wedding and I tried my hardest to ensure old dad was OK, learned the words for his favourite drink so I could ensure he was looked after, if he was hungry etc. I'm not telling you to download duo lingo but it's really not hard to make an effort!

You could play charades after dinner.

You sound very annoyed and hung up on the fact that she doesn't speak any English living in the region that she does? Oh, and very ignorant

You haven't even met her yet, you have no idea how it's going to go. Give her a chance! If she's managed to get by in 3 languages, it doesn't seem like she'll have much of a problem with English

Have you considered the fact that this is going to be far more difficult and awkward for her than it is for you? She’s going for a meal with a group of English speakers who don’t speak any of her 3 languages, in England, in a part of the country where there are barely any non English speakers. Yet you’re the one whinging that it’s going to be hard. If she can make the effort, why can’t you?

To be fair until I started seriously learning German in my 40s I only had 2 years of bad school.French and a Spanish evening class.....not much for an interesting conversation. I'd give German a really good go now though. 🇩🇪

I do think it's reasonable to expect some knowledge of English in certain situations, though. Would I expect a Catanian nonna to speak English? No. Would I expect a trilingual young Western European woman (all four of these demographics are overrepresented in multilinguals) to speak at least some English? I'd say it's highly unlikely she wouldn't.

I think for some British people there's an element of embarrassment/guilt/self hatred that we've 'cheated' somehow by already speaking the world's lingua franca from birth. There has to be a global/regional common language (and there has always been one throughout history to some extent, whether it's French, Latin, Greek, Persian in Asia, whatever), we are just lucky we don't have to learn it.

Putting it another way - if a Hungarian goes on holiday to France, would you call her lazy for speaking English there?

Edit - I'm getting off topic a bit really. It's VVVU of the OP not to want to make her feel welcome and meet her, and it's good he (I assume given the name) has seen the error of his ways

A hug or smile are the same in any language

One of my favourite, relaxing, cosy things is eating out with others, surrounded by languages I don't really understand, basking in warmth and laughter and good food and conviviality. Home.

That's exactly how I feel when sat around the farmhouse table with the Polish relatives.

There's loads of non-white people in the North! Have you never left your town? Does she speak some basic English? If she's in a hurry to learn English then you should be in a hurry to learn French.

It will be hard work, and probably not very relaxing or enjoyable, but this is going to be your sister in law. You show willing and you make the effort because he’s your brother and you love him and she needs to feel welcome and included in your family.
Each time will get easier and you could forge a lovely relationship… or of course you could not bother going and send a competent different message to them both.