She doesn't speak English - pointless meeting up

Wow, you're so unreasonable not to read the OP's updates!

Why don't you bother to read her updates before commenting, its not hard.

Wow, you're so unreasonable! He's excited about his relationship with her, and keen to share his happiness with his family. And this is what he gets? And how do you think she'd feel about your comments? And him for that matter. Yes, he can translate, and yes it might be more difficult as you can't speak the languages she speaks (she's a very clever lady by the sound of it!). However, how do you see the future meet ups? Will you always avoid them because of this? I'm sure she's planning to learn your language. Why don't you try to learn hers? You know, being respectful?

My bil’s english isn’t great and I don’t have proper conversations as it would be too hard but I do at least ask him if he wants a cup of tea etc. It would be incredibly rude to refuse to be in his company because of it.

I would leave most of the conversation to my parents if they are also there and insisting on this meeting.

The conversational burden is not all on you. It's on all the 5-6 adults there. I'd think of one specific thing to ask her -her job etc and not worry much more. Surely she isn't that bothered about how she will speak to you all?

I did have a meal out with a work colleague and his wife -both non English. I don't think she spoke so we had a chat that included the whole table "things to do in london" and she nodded a lot. Luckily my partner also there. It was a bit draining doing most of the conversation.

Coffee would have been better over a meal.

Please read the OP's updates. She has acknowledged how unreasonable she has been.

I'm pleased to see you are considering learning a couple of phrases! You won't regret it 😁 I've been learning French for a couple of years now and found an app called Reverso which is so much better than Google Translate in helping you make sentences in French. 🇫🇷 Bonne Chance!

YABVU

You could try learning a few words in her language. And there is always Google Translate, which is fantastic.

More importantly, try and have a bit of empathy for HER and how she must be feeling. Meeting the family is nerve-wracking enough without a language barrier!

I really hope your brother isn't going to settle his new wife in your town. Sounds awful.

I met my future husband when I didn't speak a word of his language. He still took me down to meet his family. I learned his language PDQ; they, being small-towners like yourself, never bothered to learn even a few words of English.

I now speak 3 languages, with smatterings of another 2. Your future SIL will, I'm sure, have enough English to get by at first. She sounds intelligent and I'm sure will set to learning and improving her English.

Languages, foreign travel etc are a gift and open the mind to other cultures. Their future children will be hugely blessed.

Good point @enko . We were talking about people who don't really speak the language per the OP so was meaning for those people rather than people who have decent command of a language

As someone who now lives in a country that is not speaking her 1st language. Your suggestion is good in thee very early stages.

However there comes a point fairly soon in where that becomes frustrating. It hinders your command of the language.
I found it frustrating when people didn't use big words or longer explanations to "support" as it actually hindered my learning.
To me speak as you normally would but clearly .

It's also important to realise everyone learns in a different way so what works well for one is not great for others.

Having worked abroad for a good few years with people who struggled to speak English and where I had equal struggles learning the language. The key is short sentences more so than speed. Of course don't speak really fast but also don't do long complicated sentences, break up into short digestible ones. Much easier to follow then

When I first met DH's family I struggled to understand a couple of family members at first, until I was accustomed to their accents. They were from Bedlington and Pegswood.

I can relate OP - and all those saying YABU, have no idea what you're talking about.

We have a similar situation in relation to DH's best friend; he's been dating someone who moved to the UK from Mexico around 15 years ago. So a significant amount of time - but trying to have any sort of conversation with her is stil HARD work.

Wow, that is really mean! I’m with someone who is not English and some of their family don’t speak English whilst I don’t speak much of their language. We still meet and go for dinner and such - yes it’s awkward as I wish I could speak their language properly but I’m getting better and I really enjoy spending time with them even if communication is difficult. Mostly because they are my partners family and thus important to him and to me. If they said they didn’t want to meet because of my language skills I would be very upset and think that they couldn’t be bothered to make an effort to get to know me. I’m sure my partner would be upset too.

Highly recommend Duolingo. If you did French at school, it will get you back up to some form of speed quite quickly. I have gone from never speaking Spanish to being able to hold full on conversations in two years of practicing a little bit every day. Am I gramatically correct every time? Nope. Am I able to make myself understood in Spanish speaking countries? Yes! Not only will you learn a new skill, I think it's a really nice way to welcome her into your family.

Anf that's what I said in the second part of the post.

Speak slowly but not overly so pronunciate..

No need to yell.

I've. No issue with it being slow. Slow is good as long as it's not veeerrryy slow.

You most definately are a knob, most definately 😘

It won’t be hard work for you OP - just your brother. My entire ILS don’t have a word of English. I couldn’t speak theirs but I picked it up quickly. At the outset it wasn’t awkward at all. I felt welcomed.

welcome your future SIL.

My family bent over backwards to get to know my non-Engish speaking husband, including meeting and spending time with his entire non-Engish speaking family.

Haha, maybe yes. Although she’s quite a big personality so the loudness might just be baked in. But the slowness, especially leaving gaps between words, I really value while all her family are face palming on her behalf.

It might be very stunted at first, but and your brother may have to translate, but that's not enough reason to not go ahead with it. You smile and nod and speak, to her, not your brother. It will be fine. There's no one assessing your performance and marking you out of ten.
A little awkwardness at first is much better than the rudeness of not going. Were you thinking of avoiding your SIL all your life? You could, if you want to, learn a couple of ppl phrases in her language to make her feel more comfortable. Find out a few facts about her country and questions you could ask. Even though it may have to be translated, it will go a long way to make her more comfortable.

Thank you @joliefolle I'm quite proud of myself for how far I've come with my language. My Italian friend is quite difficult, she even corrects her own family if they make mistakes too, and they are Italian!

Your friend sounds a bit... mean... to say that to you. It's not at all unusual for people to be overly harsh about their own level in a foreign language, but if you're truly speaking fluently on the phone and face-to-face with people having "full blown" conversations, albeit with a few grammatical errors, then it's rare that someone would decide you speak 'a bit' of that language. Normally it's quite the opposite "my Italian is really ropey", "not at all, you are perfectly comprehensible, the majority of Italians make loads of mistakes when speaking Italian etc. etc. "