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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU for not moving back to my husband’s house?

60 replies

Manna638 · 23/01/2025 14:28

We got married about 3 years ago.

The house is under my husband’s name and he owns it solo.

During arguments, sometimes my husband will tell me to get out/leave out of his house. Sometimes, he will even start packing my things in the heat of moment.

In some cases, when he’s really angry, he demand I leave immediately and take ALL of belongings straight away. I agree that I’ll leave straight away but it’s impossible for me to take EVERYTHING straight away. He’ll say he doesn’t care and wants everything gone now. Sometimes he will even take the house keys off me.

Then he will do the cycle of “I said it in the heat of moment”. And reassures me this is my home too and he loves me etc.

and continue cycle. Tbh he doesn’t do this every argument. Maybe around 10% of the time. I have told him I understand he is angry during arguments, but I don’t like the telling me to leave. He reassures me he won’t do it. But it still happens.

Few weeks ago, I just expressed to my husband how I felt invalidated by him. I was trying to communicate my feelings and I was really calm. However, he just reacted badly to it. He told me to leave and that he is checked out and for me to find another husband. He also told me to leave the bedroom. So I went and slept on the sofa.

I did not react. I wasn’t upset or hurt this time. In the morning, I noticed he took his wedding ring off and placed it near me so I would see. He left for work.

Whilst he was at work, I packed as much of my things and left. I moved temporarily into my parents.

My husband has rang me. He told me he loved me a lot and misses me. He also told me he would not pack my things. Since then he has been really civil to me and is making effort. He is also respecting my space whilst I’m still at my parents. Thing is I don’t even feel upset or hurt. I don’t even miss him.

However, I have decided I have no intention of ever moving back into his house. I will look to buy somewhere for myself and live there. AIBU here for doing this despite him making so much effort over the past few weeks?

OP posts:
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Shinyandnew1 · 23/03/2026 21:28

LucyLoo1972 · 23/03/2026 20:49

ive never seen a vote be 100 percent before

Was It worth reviving a post from last January in order to point that out 😂

LucyLoo1972 · 23/03/2026 20:49

ive never seen a vote be 100 percent before

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/01/2025 20:02

Absolutely do not ever go back to him. This will never stop and he’ll use it as a way to control you and keep you insecure. Thank goodness you don’t have children, and don’t have that worry of being told to “leave now” with kids!

However he doesn’t solely own the house if you’re married. You’ll be entitled to a share - depends on various factors how much but definitely not nothing.

Divorce him and take your share!

overthinkersanonnymus · 23/01/2025 19:36

What an absolute creature. Divorce the cunt and take half his precious house.

newyearsresolurion · 23/01/2025 19:32

Well done for leave. For good!!! He doesn't deserve you at all. Divorce the fucker

Nanny0gg · 23/01/2025 19:31

Please get yourself to a solicitor asap as your husband doesn't have the power he thinks he does

But get someone to help you get your stuff back out first - wouldn't trust him

CheeseyOnionPie · 23/01/2025 19:28

He is abusive. Don’t go back to him, he will never change this behaviour.

Gettingbysomehow · 23/01/2025 19:28

Don't go back. My ex husband actually went to the bother of issuing me with divorce papers to try and get one over on me following an argument.
Well it was a surprise to him when I signed them and insisted on going through with it.
He spent a lot of time begging me to come back and he didn't "mean" it.
Tough luck nobody serves me with divorce papers to teach me a lesson.
What a loser, just like your husband. Ditch him.

Nanny0gg · 23/01/2025 19:27

CrestWhite · 23/01/2025 14:41

Your not unreasonable to do that.

Is that what you want for your marriage though? To live in separate houses?

I

Why would she want to be married to an abuser

Calamitousness · 23/01/2025 19:21

Good god. Divorce this drama llama abusive horror of a man child.

TheLargestToblerone · 23/01/2025 19:18

Volumedelachanel · 23/01/2025 16:32

This is the cycle of abuse and he's in the nice bit. this marriage needs to be over. there's nothing to salvage here. he won't change

Exactly this OP. And please bear in mind that the nice part of this cycle is that he's "been really civil to me."

Get a divorce and with it proper legal advice. You're entitled to a proportion of the house, likely 50%. Do not listen to what he tells you you can have, because he is not on your side.

Debtfreegoals · 23/01/2025 19:09

Oh gosh OP I’m so sorry you’re going through this. As others have said this is a bit abusive. I think because he’s continued to do it again and again… I doubt he will change now.

PerambulationFrustration · 23/01/2025 19:02

I hope you do as he says
And find another husband..
One who genuinely loves you, respects you and treats you well.

theemmadilemma · 23/01/2025 18:57

Nope.

I had to tell DH early on that shit said like that in the head of the moment dents trust. And that if it kept happening, one day I would just take the option because he'd have broken it.

It's not happened since.

Schoolchoicesucks · 23/01/2025 18:56

Do not go back to him. Start divorce proceedings.

Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 23/01/2025 18:52

I was going to post a comment supporting you, OP, till I noticed you have received 100% YANBU — a rare achievement when hundreds of people have commented!

Needless to say, don’t go back to this weird and incredibly controlling man. Best of luck for a peaceful new life.

Chuchoter · 23/01/2025 18:47

Only three years ago you were both declaring undying love when you got married and it's quickly descended into this awful way of life!

Why would you continue to live like this?

Up and down like a rollercoaster and subjected to him being the cruel 'Master' of the house and banishing you out into the cold and then the next he's being all jolly and telling you he didn't mean it?

Your life will be utterly miserably if you stay with this contemptible and nasty piece of work.

See a solicitor asap.

Praying4Peace · 23/01/2025 18:45

Hi OP, I appreciate that most people have said something they regret in the heat of the moment but your husband's behaviour and threats to get out of his house is off the scale and it appears he is using this as a form of control.
Time to rethink your marriage. If he is really genuinely sorry and remorseful, he could consider putting your name on deeds of house

LookItsMeAgain · 23/01/2025 18:39

The repetitive nature of his argument - argue - tell you to leave - you do leave and then return and it happens again - that is text book abuse right there.

Don't go back.
Do get in touch with a solicitor as while the house might be in his name, as soon as you got married, afaik it became a marital asset and you may be eligible for some of the cost of the property as a result, so I would get straight on to getting a good divorce solicitor.

Start looking for a place for yourself to live.
Stay strong!

Daleksatemyshed · 23/01/2025 18:31

You'd be a fool to go back Op, he's being nice now to try and coax you back but it would be the same story again as soon as you did or said something he didn't like. He may say it's his house but a divorce lawyer will probably prove him wrong.

HelloVeritas · 23/01/2025 18:14

The house is a shared marital asset whether he likes it or not.

Don't buy your own property until AFTER you divorce him otherwise you risk him claiming ownership of that too?

A solicitor will advise x

Winterskyfall · 23/01/2025 18:08

Don't move back, he is a controlling, manipulative arsehole. It will only get worse. Especially if you have children and are vulnerable. I would get a divorce.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 23/01/2025 17:49

He enjoys abusing you and having power over you so of course he wants you back. It’s a game for 2 players.

Id divorce him.

BlondeMamaToBe · 23/01/2025 16:39

I would never have spoken to him again after the first time. You are very unwise to have went back at all.

Volumedelachanel · 23/01/2025 16:32

This is the cycle of abuse and he's in the nice bit. this marriage needs to be over. there's nothing to salvage here. he won't change