To feel quite sad that I skipped my “young years”

I think there is often a sort of template for MC uni girls.It often involves lots of parties ,drinking ,ONS and travel in your 20s. Its nice to have a carefree time of course .Obviously life with DC can seem a bit tame .Did you meet your DH at uni ? You have done well to get a degree ,Do you work ATM.Maybe arrange a holiday with DH or how would he feel about you having a week with the girls maybe .

I missed out on my younger years for different reasons to yours. Now that I’m middle aged I am doing the things that I missed out on - the travel etc. When your children are grown and independent you can have those experiences later on, albeit in a slightly different way.

Comparison is the thief of joy…

Plus leaving it later is such a risk with the potential for relationship breakdowns in the 30s when you are looking to settle down/not meeting someone.

On the upside, when your career is established and your child is grown, you will have more freedom and travelling opportunities in your 40s, when your peers are still tied to school holidays and having younger teens into their 50s and might appreciate it more!

To be honest, the young years have a lot of ups and downs. Aged 23 I'd just come out of awful relationship and I was definitely envious of all my friends who seems to have made better partner choices and were doing fun things together all the time. Then single me had to be attend a seemingly endless series of weddings, where I seemed to be the only single person out of all my friends. Although I probably wouldn't have envied your baby at such a young age. At 27 I did get to go off and do the travelling thing, I'd been to uni and I had a well paid job and I could save up and spend it all on travel. On that trip finally met my now husband, but took another 3/4 years for us live in the same country. So qas not married until 34 and first child came along at almost 36. Managed to rack up a huge amount of travel in those 8 or so years, that was the best bit, and finally got there with the husband and kids a bit later than everyone else. Travel will still be there when you get to your 40s and your kids are much bigger. Now though I am facing the challenges of an elderly parent needing support, and still doing a lot for the youngest who is only 10.

I had my baby at 40 and so wish I'd met DH younger so we could have had more. I backpacked a lot in my 20s, which was great but it was definitely out of my system by my mid 20s and I realised it wasn't truly what was important to me.

26-36 was spent grieving my ex-fiance and the life we'd planned together. Finding a good guy is hard. Dating sucks. You are missing nothing.

Most of my friends who left babies until mid 30s have had infertility struggles.

I really think nearly everything you are missing can be done in your current situation. You can travel with a baby, I know many who do. You could live abroad as your child is not school age. You could take up a hobby - I go out to mine twice a week and have done since dc was 18 mo, and DH puts dc to bed. Or agree with your DH for x nights off to go clubbing with friends a month.

You will also be young when your children are grown and able to do many things then. My Mum certainly has!

Enjoy your good fortune! And make some Mum friends!

I'm not comparing myself to anyone. I did what was right for me, and spent my 20s and 30s fucking around, making friends, trying things, moving countries whenever I felt like it, racking up a lot of degrees and putting a lot of energy into my job. That wouldn't be for everyone, obviously, but I've no regrets at all on that stuff.

I am simply saying that my only two friends who had children in their mid-20s have wondered in my presence what they were thinking at the time. I don't think I did it the 'right way' by any means, but certainly, if I'd had to choose between having a child in my early to mid-20s and not having a child at all, I would unhesitatingly have chosen the latter. Because the other way would have limited my life in ways that wouldn't have worked for me.

You’re not unreasonable to feel this way. I had my son at 21 and none of my friends had children for years. I very much felt that they were still out ‘living life’ while I was missing out. EVERYONE has aspects of their life that they think they would want to change. But just remember this,

Comparison is the thief of joy.

You are happy, you love your husband you love your kids you have a happy life, the I stand you start comparing yourself to others is when the joy is lost. Try not to do it.

im now 38 and my DS will be 18 soon. The last 5 years or so have been brilliant as we’ve done a lot of the things I thought I missed out on. Except we’ve been able to do it better, because I’m more financially stable with a higher earning career.

and NOW I look at my friends who are having kids and think, “wow, thank GOD I’m not having to do the nappies and sleepless nights at this stage!”

be kind to yourself.

I don't really agree with that if I'm honest.

I was one of the last of my friends to have babies (35) and wish I had been in a position to have them when I was younger and had more energy and a bigger support network.

I guarantee you if you were single and childless (but wanted those things) you’d be envying the friends who had those.

For a lot of people the prize at the end of their single journey is a partner and child.

You have (hopefully) years and years to enjoy a freer life once your child has reached adulthood. You will still be more than young enough to enjoy it.

There's no right or wrong option. I was with my now husband all through my early 20s til we got married at 32, just didn't feel the need to marry before and didn't want kids then as we were living in London, travelling, just being free really and enjoying life. We have an 18 month old at 36 and now I sometimes think its a shame I won't know him as long as I could have had i had him younger, though of course he'd be a different child if we had a child younger. There's no right and wrong.

Maybe just looks at what you think you're missing and inject a bit of it into your life, like some trips and some nights out sometimes. What you're doing is an adventure. What I did was an adventure. Comparison is the thief of joy :)

There's no absolutely "right" time to do anything, but you've made choices that were open to you, and there will be many advantages, OP.

I did have a gap year, and travelled in university holidays (including with now-DH) and we also had our first child in our 20s - I was 27, DH a year younger. That's not unusually young in any broad social or historical context, but it was among my school, university and professional friends, I was the first by a number of years. And I did lose some friends, not from anything drastic, but because our lives had just diverged. I did carry on with my career, and I'm very glad I did.

Now DS1 is 19, DS2 is 10, and things are very good indeed. DH and I are both enjoying our work, both our sons are lovely, great fun, fantastic company, and if DS1 wakes up at night it's a him problem, he's at university now.

It also meant they've both had a close and rewarding relationship with their grandparents - my parents were mid 50s when DS1 was born, and did lots of exciting and fun things with both boys. When DS1 got back from a gap year trip last summer, he chose to go and stay for a week with my parents, for example, because he wanted to.

My sister had a baby last year, aged 40, and while there are all sorts of advantages to that timing too, all his grandparents are mid 70s to 80s now.

A lot of my professional friends in particular are now in their mid 40s with children who are under primary age, and while I'm sure they also made good choices for good reasons, one disadvantage of that is that they are more likely to be trying to combine elderly/frail parents with toddlers, and it's more tiring chasing 2 year olds in your 40s.

he says backpacking and hinge sound like his worst nightmare

Your DH sounds like he has a good sense of humour!

Exactly this, OP.
Also, you haven't skipped anything: these are your young years. I know it's easier said than done but count your blessings and stop comparing your life to others'.
(Pro tip: delete instagram 😉)

You'll feel the other side of this when you have exhausted friends in their late thirties being kept up by toddlers who can't be left alone for 5 minutes and you can have a grown-up conversation with your older teen and send them to the shop to pick something up!

@Alliona I can't believe I am the first to say "Comparison is the thief of joy"

Enjoy where you are. You are young and have plenty of live to live. Just because it looks different than other peoples doesn't mean anything.

Often on social media or in catch ups with ppl you get the glossy highlights and instagram-able holidays and pics.
You aren't seeing the bad days, loneliness, broodiness etc you are only seeing the curated life they are showing.
The reality might be very different and you are going to find plenty of people wishing they had what you have.

Appreciate it and the life you are making!!

It’s not a race. Everyone wants different things in life. I met my dh at 22 and walked away 20 years later. I look back and realise I did it way too young. I also went to uni when older. There is no perfect but I’m happier this way for sure.

My ex H's friends who settled later, had children later tell him how lucky he was to have front loaded all the heavy parenting responsibilities when young.

Positives : you have more energy for sleepless nights.
You ll be done with play centres by your 30s.
You can bring the kids on adventure holidays and it will be new for all of you.

You ll possibly be a young gran.

Your soon to be teenagers can help with the older generation and will remember them. You won't be sandwiched between two generations who both need you/drain u at the same time.

Kids will be financially independent at a younger age for you.

@redandpinkandwhite remember this is MN it's all Vietnam and Thailand before becoming a high flyer in the City, and settling down in Surrey with their similarly high flying husband

If you did anything else, you wasted your 20s.

How did you all afford to go travelling in your twenties? I was permanently skint then!

Is it a low blow? This is AIBU and OP wanted opinions, or are pp's only allowed to comment if they are agreeing with OP that she made the right choice when getting married and having a baby young?

Not every woman dreams of marriages and babies, certainly not in their 20's so why would pp be jealous?

I don't really agree with that to be honest, I'm 53, met husband 25, went travelling then, came back, got married, most of my friends got married in late 20s and 30s and all still married, happily I don't know😊 I think everyone does different at different paces, there's no right or wrong answer, but I am sorry OP is struggling, I've lots of friends that are single too, I don't think being married at a specific times stops you making friends with people at all walk of life, I think life would be boring if you only were friends with people exactly like you

I thought you were going to say you were in your 70s?!
I still think I'm pretty young in my mid 40s. It's never too late to have fun. In fact some of my retired mates are having the time of their lives.
You are still so young. With so many things to see and do. Once the kids are in school you can have more freedom. But always try and make time for something you enjoy, or if someone asks you to do something new, say yes!

I enjoyed the film Look Both Ways OP, a sliding doors type film, showed how she lived a fulfilled life getting pregnant, and not getting pregnant, straight out of college.