To feel quite sad that I skipped my “young years”

Your feelings are understandable, it’s always nice to have friends that are going through similar experiences which creates strong bonding so I sympathise that it’s tough going motherhood without close peers. However, you can’t change it so please focus on the full part of the glass… your lovely family! Having kids older can mean fertility issues (not fun) and ultimately you will get to know your children for so much longer of their life… what an amazing thing! These years might be tough but when your kids grow up and you can travel as much as you like (with your adult kids) we will be watching with envy!

Honestly, stop comparing or you’ll never be truly happy. Life really is what you make of it and there is no right or wrong. ❤️

We settled down later and travelled a lot before (solo, together and with friends) and have had an amazing life so far but the HV told me that older mums do tend to struggle because we’re so used to putting ourselves first for so long and having a lot of independence. Once you travel the world a lot that urge will never go away, but it gets more challenging with young children.

Look at the positives and how young you’ll still be once your children are more independent. You’ve forged a future career so should be financially stable and the world really will be your oyster later on! If you want to meet more like minded mums maybe try the app Peanut?

You chose a life path path of marriage and children before your frontal lobe fully matured. You're locked in for now but that doesn't preclude you from having fun experiences later.

You can enjoy the journey you chose, and that's going to be different from others' choices. Yours is going to be family focused and stable and of necessity focused on meeting others' wants and needs as well as your own. It involves the maturity that you've developed and compromise with the important people in your life so you can meet your needs too.

As someone who had kids younger than you it’s the being a ‘normal’ aged mum bit in struggling with at the moment. I know I made my choices and of course there’s plus sides to having them younger as well but it’s a lonely thing to do and I’m missing the social side that a lot (not all I know) of late 20s and 30s mums get. It’s made every stage of parenthood a bit harder as well not having that.

Thats actually what I’d tell any teen considering pregnancy or parenthood. There’s things you’ll miss out on as a teen but actually even more you’ll be missing out on later.

I knew someone that was in your situation, only she married and had children younger than you. At the point where her colleagues were getting married and having babies in their thirties, her children were off to university and she was charging ahead with her career and doing what she wanted to do for herself.

Comparison is the thief of joy and all that! Sounds like you have a lovely life OP. Find new friends who you can relate to. If you want to travel, then find a way to do it and DH can compromise, doesn't have to be backpacking. You're young. I'm quite envious that when you're in your early 40s you'll have grown up kids, be advanced in your career and can travel wherever you want!

Like you @Alliona , I was 24 when me and DP had DD.

DD is 18 this year, and I'll only be 42. Me and DP have all the freedom that we didn't have in our younger years, and whats more we've got the money to enjoy it.

I watch my peers running after toddlers in their 40s, and I just think "Thank fuck I got that out of the way early."

Just bravo!

Bravo

I learned long ago not to compare my life to others. I used to have moments of “what if” but truth is i always wanted a family & even now i’m older i’ve still no desire to travel. My life is a simple one, boring to some and wasted to others but i wouldn’t go back and do anything now.

i got married at 23 & had my daughter at 25 followed by twins 3 years later so i was “done” at age many of my friends were just meeting people and starting to settle down. Bought our house at 22 (when i had graduated and started working) & i did have a good career but for various reasons thats gone as i became a sahm (another choice i made) & now i do a basic job for some money. I’m in my 40s now i had a bit of a mid life crisis when i hit 40 thinking i’ve nothing to show for my life but then i think my kids are nearly grown up, my husband and i will have our “time” then if we want to travel more & will have paid our mortgage off before retirement age.

i know people who didn’t meet their partner until they were in their 30s and wanted it or who couldn’t afford to buy a house until their 30s. Some have struggled to have children as well. Yes some
of them may have more “memories” than me or seen places i never will but ultimately as i said i’ve never had much desire to travel or i would have. You have the rest of your life, a career & a family - you’re in a good place & many will envy that. Trust the decisions you made & your life how you want. Be grateful for it & don’t waste time comparing to others or wondering “what if” as you’ve plenty of time to make changes if you wish!

I got married at 22 too, had my now 10 year old at 25. You’re right that it’s a bit of an awkward age - too old to be a young mum, too young to be a regular age mum - there werent many new mums my age. All my friends are turning 40 this year, or have done in last couple of years. They’re a brilliant gang to pave the way ahead of me!. The ‘no one else my age’ thing was my only sticking point really that I got over quickly.

You do yourself a disservice by writing the way you do, the way you set things out it sounds like you’re just a totally complainer with nothing to complain about. Eg you knew those around you weren’t getting married and having kids like you were, so it’s not a surprise. I know that sounds harsh but really - travel with your portable baby with the money from the career you have, take your husband along with you and continue to be grateful. It’s not a ‘race’ or a competition - you risk coming off as superior if you come from that perspective.

There are pros and cons for each age. Having them young means you'll have 15 years more with your child/children than I will. That's pretty wonderful, in my opinion. Assuming your parents are alive and you get on with them, your children and parents are likely to have many years together. My parents were already old when my children were born. Their limited time together is a source of sadness for me.
Grandchildren aren't a certainty, but you may get more time with grandchildren than I do.
You'll still be young when they're grownup, with plenty of life to live and that's just brilliant. I'll be an old lady (almost!)

.

I wasted my 20s in clubs and with my idiot ex. I don't even like clubbing, it's just what my friends did and I went along.

I would have loved to have met my DH earlier in life. We met in our late 20s but an extra 10 years still wouldn't be enough. And then it took us about 8 years to conceive so now I'm nearly 40 with a baby. Having him 20 years ago and getting all that extra time together sounds wonderful.

But ultimately this is the life and path I've chosen. If I had done things differently I wouldn't be who I am or where I am today. You'll have plenty of time to travel in your 40s (I don't feel much different to my 20 year old self!).

Really? How many married 22 year olds do you know? The only married 22 year olds in Ireland are in the travelling community.

Literally the only people married at 22 in all of Ireland are from the travelling community? Do you mean to sound so daft? But you're mature enough for marriage now eh I'm sure.

It's true though. Rudeness is subjective.

It’s true that you don’t get your youth back. It’s a special time and there’s some experiences that only happen during that ‘coming of age’ stage of life.

But you are likely to be with your children and grandchildren for much longer than average and you will be very grateful for that later in life. And you are young enough to grow your family to the size you want.

Well, that's life if you do all the settling down things when you're barely out of your teens <shrug>

I'm sure there are plenty of people your age who feel the same, and plenty of people who left that till later who regret leaving it so long too.

You're unreasonable in that this was a choice you made, but you're not unreasonable because no one has a crystal ball. Acknowledge you feel like this, accept you can't do anything about it except for plan for the future, and put it to bed.

There are just pros and cons to both. I'm just highlighting that there will be a time when her friends who have children later will envy her position of freedom, as she does theirs now

I get it OP but honestly no one else's life is perfect and many 27 year old women will envy or at least aspire to what you have.

I was "old before my time" for various reasons - parents who were very sniffy about travelling and partying, I met my husband when I was 21 and got settled down much earlier than I had expected. I then spent age 23-29 studying and retraining as a lawyer so I hardly went out and didn't see my friends much. Then promptly had my first baby at 30. I feel like I've been doing sensible older person stuff all my life and I have had times where I felt like I wished id had a crazier time in my younger years.

But I'm now 50, married 25 years and actually I'm happy with everything and glad how things turned out.

I'll add that those who have their kids young get a second youth in their 40s when they leave home. (This won't be me either as I had my youngest at 40!) A girl in my class at school had a baby while still in her teens but by 35 she was having wild adventures like riding a motorbike through Thailand etc!

Comparison is the thief of joy. There are pros and cons to having children early/late. You are where you are and it won’t always be like this. Have you got family support? Can you take up a hobby or sport - to get you out and about meeting people?

I got married in my teens, first of 3 babies whilst still a teen. Did i miss out on clubbing, care fee holidays etc, yes i did and i did feel a little sad about BUT and i tis a big but, i am now mid 50s, i have my Grandchildren, i see my children enjoying their children and feel so lucky to be part of their adult life. My Mum died mid 50s, she had me late in life and only lived long enough to meet my first child. My Sister died mid 50s, her youngest was still at school. in the last year i have lost too many friends all mid 50 to early 60s. One died the day before his first Grandchild arrived in the world. Another died last week, her Daughters wedding is next month. My point is you do not know how your life will pan out, you might feel you have missed out but so will many of your friends who wait until the are 40 to have their children, they may miss out on so much of their family life.
You are blessed to have a healthy child and hopefully will enjoy his company as adults.

Don't worry about what other people have, just enjoy what you have now. By the time your son is heading off to work/uni and financial independence you and your DH will be in your early 40s. You'll be DINK just when your salaries start to improve. You can plan an exciting future without having to worry about starting a family.

It's really important not to feel hard done by, you don't want to waste your precious young family time looking over your fence feel resentful at what other people have. If you enjoy what you have now you'll be able to look back in your 60s, remember how you felt starting out as a young family and feel gratitude instead of resentment.

Really? How many married 22 year olds do you know? The only married 22 year olds in Ireland are in the travelling community.

Wait until you get to your 40’s and 50’s, it really will be fabulous. It’s so nice having grown up DC and to be in a good financial situation.

This post evoked thoughts of 'if I knew then what I know now'. An abusive, controlling marriage to an emotional bully did result in two fabulous children and I could never deny them.........just saying