To feel quite sad that I skipped my “young years”

The grass isn’t greener, everyone is just experiencing different things at different times. Compare and despair! Get off social media while you feeling this way so you are not fuelling your feelings looking at your friend’s travels around Thailand etc.

It seems you were very focussed on your end goal, but you will hopefully have the possibility to do other things as well when your DC is older.

I don’t think you have to be the same as everyone around you to find common ground or even to switch your focus to be curious and engage in their different experiences.

Perhaps it would be good to have a few sessions with a counsellor to work through some of your feelings?

Ah that's lovely, enjoy every minute x

Do I?
I love it; becoming a mum is the best thing I've ever done.
My first born made me, my second child completed me.
At around 22 weeks I started to enjoy being pregnant again, once my body looked pregnant and not just bigger and when baby2 started moving.... I realised how stupid I was to feel the way I did during the first trimester. As for the labour.... Best experience of my life giving birth to #2. Had a terrible time after with pnd and didn't bond properly with her for a very long time but I can definitely say that I love being a mum

You're doing the childbearing stuff early so you'll be missing out on other aspects of life right now but can hopefully catch up with that when your child has flown the nest.
Some including me and my friends have done it the other way round, had our fun then got stuck into sucking up the child rearing. No one is wrong here, it's not a competition, just how it's all fallen into place.

I'd be interested to read any studies which may indicate which group is more content/successful but I expect they will be broadly similar.

You don't sound like you're enjoying motherhood at all

I'm a bit like you @SallyWD
Only I enjoyed my party lifestyle BK (before kids), A LOT and didn't see it as a waste. So much so that when I discovered I was pregnant with DC2 and realised I wasn't going to have a 40th birthday celebration how I wanted to, I hated the fact I was pregnant. Hated that I wasn't going to have the party of the year/decade! But why? I had this amazing chance at having another child, not every woman does (who wants one).
Why? Because I wasn't going to be able to get wankered and party like a rockstar. That's why and I hated myself for it. I hated that I was pregnant but then hated myself even more.

@Alliona you need to stop comparing your life to that of your friends. As someone else said, this is the life you chose and you have the best of all.... You never really lose who you are so when your child is older you'll be able to do the things that you grieve for now. Maybe even with them.
I want to take mine to Raver Tots 🥳 I know they'd love it and so will I because raving is a part of me.

Another thing @SallyWD touched on is having young children in the perimenopause part of your life. Fuck me: WHY DID NO ONE TALK ABOUT IT???? WHY DID NO ONE WARN US????
Hormones (or lack of), what a wallop it is. In hindsight I think I would have started our family earlier but it is what it is. I'm very aware of this and my DP of 15 years is supportive but yeah.... Look at your lovely family and breathe it in.
You're blessed and richer for having them

I sometimes regret not having kids earlier for various reasons (for example so they could have their parents for longer, and us not being "elderly" when they're still young adults). But then we did have some amazing holidays and experiences so I'm not sure I'd change it if I could. Maybe just wish I'd met my husband a bit earlier. Anyway: there are pros and cons to everything, I think it's amazing that you can have grown up children in your early 40s and do long haul flights to any destination you want - 40s probably seems like an old age to you now but when you get there, you'll love having that freedom.

I had all my twenties travelling, getting drunk, boyfriends etc. I met my husband, got married and just had our first baby at 31. This is soooo much better than my twenties. The things your friends are doing appear exciting and fun, and they are, but it’s also incredibly anxiety inducing and rootless. I am so settled, content and surrounded by love now. It’s the best and I’ve never been happier - I see friends in their late 30s still trying to find a decent man and it’s slim pickings

I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say I was a single parent at 25 then went to university and had a career. I'm glad I was a younger parent and I am now a youngish grandmother to adult and teenage grandchildren. the things I could have done when young, like travelling, I did when I was in my 40s and 50s.

I regret nothing.

I had my kids at 37 and 38 and I really regret not doing it younger. I realise now having kids is the best time of my life and I’m gutted I won’t be around as long for them because I didn’t have them younger. I had all that free time in my younger years but really I think it was wasted, honestly things aren’t always as good as they seem. Try and meet some like minded friends through toddler groups etc. also try and get out more to socialise with your current friendship groups. But honestly your not really missing anything, you have the most important things.

It is unusually young now, at least in my
circles!

It’s that “opportunity cost” thing, isn’t it, but with life years instead of money. If you spend your money on one thing, then you forego all the other choices you might have made. You are lucky that you have the imagination and intelligence to be able to think about your life choices. It is part of asking who you really are, part of the continuous growing up process we go through (if we are as thoughtful as you). There are (I am told) seven deadly sins. Is “regret” an eighth one? I don’t think so, but it is not a useful and constructive feeling. Are you r e a l l y regretting anything?

Not unreasonable but bide your time. You can go backpacking etc later. You could go with your children when they are teens/young adults.

I totally get the 'missing out' feeling. I had kids young..but no university, just dead end jobs to look forward to.
Your kids will fly the nest much earlier than friends starting later, but make sure you are financially sorted. Keep working, save like no tomorrow.
I had lofty ideas of travel freedom once the kids grew up but hadn't factored in DHs ill health, caring role for DGP, all meaning my working capacity was reduced. Starting again at 40 is no joke.
Now fast approaching 60 without even starting to realise my dreams. Stuck in low paid work.

Flipside: I'm 42, my youngest is only 4, I'm exhausted. Wish I had done it younger. Also my career has totally tanked. Might have been easier to do kids first and then have a clear run at it afterwards

And you and your husband can go traveling when you're in your 40s and they won't be able. I would have suggested you wait a few years between university and starting a family but you didn't.

I felt like this sometimes when my DC was a baby. I have been with my partner since 18, and had my DC at 27 (not as young as you, but in my circles it's more typical to have them at 37!).

I'd encourage you to reframe the situation not as you missing out on life, but on you getting to live life with your family. It's a myth - perhaps rooted in misogyny - that autonomous life ends for a woman when she has DC, and a new life of service begins. Instead your life expands to include DC. Sure, there's limits on what you can do when they're tiny, but as soon as they're a bit bigger you can go travelling together, you can build your career, you can go out for the evening. You just have to committ to prioritising the things that you want out of your life, and enjoy doing them with your family.

Having kids youngish and feeling like you're still in the process of building your life can be stressful, but it can also be exciting. I very much feel like I'm still right in the thick of living my life, and I'm grateful I get to have my lovely DC at the same time.

Have a gap year with your baby. Go clubbing with your friends while your husband minds the baby. You can do the young person things too just not 24/7.

You didn't 'win' the race. It's not a race. You do you. Other people do them.

Try and enjoy what you have and your own journey and stop looking for people who will 'get' you. Noone will. We r all different. Just enjoy the friends you have, make new ones through nursery/school/mum meets and stop comparing or seeking.

Just enjoy and forget the whole 'race' thing. There is no end goal, and it doesn't matter how fast everyone does whatever section of their journeys. Some people get married young then divorce and start again. Others stay with the same partner from 14 to 80 and others only find love in their 50s. It doesn't matter. It really really is not a competition, a race or anything to compare with others.

Just do you and let others do them

When you are in your 40s and your kids are grown, you’ll be super happy while your friends are still on the school run. I had my kids young and found it hard at the time but I’m so glad now

Life is a funny old thing. There's no right or wrong way to do it, no set order, and the only guarantee is that we don't make it out alive.
I think you're in a very fortunate position, having a stable relationship, a child, career all sorted before your 30s.

You have many young years to go. In my 20s used to think that turning 30 never mind 40 would be the end of everything, but now over 60 I know for certain it wasn't. There is always something new to do or achieve. Try not to end up poor. As for your friends having fun, for them it will also end, mostly not by choice.

I think how your feeling is totally valid. But you're not able to see what's ahead. Yes there's a certain wilderness and freedom that happens in your 20s but by the time you hit your late 30s/40s - and that feels old to you now but trust me it won't when you get there - your children will be of an age where you can re-discover that freedom, travel, go out etc. It they have kids, your more likely to see them grow up etc. One day you'll be so glad of this.

In the meantime, know that the first year or two is hard and claustrophobic no matter what age you are, you'll feel less like this in a year or two, right now you're very much in the thick of the all encompassing bit where you feel all mum and little else.

My best advice right now is to take baby to some baby classes and you'll meet other mums at the same stage as you. I met a lovely group and we WhatsApp each other every day, support each other etc.

Best of luck....it will feel a bit crappy now but let yourself have a moment every now and then but try to see the amazing blessings you have

Just to add a bit of of a different perspective from those that I’ve read…
I’m the daughter of the young mum, she was 18 when she fell pregnant, 19 when she married and had me and a few years later my brother came along. She always said that she loved the early years when they weren’t used to having much and she was mum. As we got older she was back at work and then in her 40’s she went to university and loved it, most of the people she was studying with were more my age but as she’d always been the cool mum she had a blast! Unfortunately for us she passed due to cancer in her 50’s but we had a full life with her. It just shows that you never know what will happen, and comparison is always the thief of joy x

It's normal to feel like you've missed out, especially as you dated from so early.

I had schoolmates who married young and for some reason felt sorry for them.

The period from leaving hime, being single, learning to be independent, finding yourself, dating, meeting your future dh and getting married is such a journey like no other.

I think if I'd left home straight to a man, I'd feel like I missed some steps.

I have a friend who's daughter has just moved from home to live with a guy. Again, I feel sad for her for some reason.

However, having said that, if you're happily married and your husband is too, then be thankful you found each other.

It's similar to those wgo had kids and then wish they didnt have them.

There's no knowing at the time, so don't beat yourself up with what could have been.

Some people search a lifetime for a partner.