Is anyone in a relationship with no sex but otherwise it’s all good?

I strongly disagree that you can't have a wonderful relationship without sex. However I agree that all is not well in the OP's relationship, since she has considered looking elsewhere.

If there is still intimacy that is something, but if there is no intimacy then that is concerning.

The biggest issues with the discussions and everything about sex is that (for me at least) it kind of defeats the purpose of sex.

Sex is about desire, lust, attraction, passion, connection, fun, spontaneity. That's the core part of it. Having to have a full on discussion and talk your partner into having sex with you kind of defeats it's purpose
Then even if having the open discussion and putting your point across and sex happening, you know in the back of your mind it's only happening because you talked them into it.

I mean knowing your partner wants to have sex with you, but can't due to having young kids in the bed still or being on your period, or working away is one thing. You can of course discuss to say 'we'll get a baby sitter Saturday night'. In the full knowing it's purely logistical issues but your both 100% down and you know your partners going to be excited for it despite being planned.
It's a whole different ballgame arranging a babysitter knowing your partner despite having the opportunity will decline if given the choice or if they do it, probably did it before because they felt obliged or it was discussed and expected. Not because they've taken one look at your and thought 'i want to rip their clothes off!'

Sex is an instinct. Driven by hormones and lust. Having to talk, compromise and negotiate your own spouse into having a sexual relationship with you is soul destroying. It defeats the purpose.

I agree with this.

I don't think sex can be compartmentalised to the extent you're making it, I don't think (in most cases) no sex but everything else is great, is realistic. Sex is intimacy, it's a fundamental part of a relationship, it's what differentiates it from every other relationship in your life.

What I mean to say, I doubt the rest of the relationship is as good as you think/are saying, no sex impacts a whole relationship, it can't be compartmentalised.

An emotional affair is as damaging as a physical affair, worse even. You may as well just have sex with them.

Another one with a sexless relationship.

We’re together 7 years, both have children from previous relationships so have a busy household. Sex stopped 3 years ago. I tried so many times during the first two years to initiate it but he wasn’t interested. Any time I brought it up I was given a different excuse. Then I told him I wasn’t going to initiate it anymore because I couldn’t cope with the rejection. I thought about going elsewhere for sex but ultimately I didn’t do it.

Then out of the blue about 6 weeks ago it started up again and it’s as amazing as it always was. I asked for an explanation and again got a different excuse so I’m in a position that I can’t trust that it’s going to stop again so I’m finding it difficult to let myself go and really enjoy it. The one thing that changed lately was that I changed jobs and I’m in a job where there’s a large number of male employees, whereas before I worked primary with females. So perhaps some insecurity on his part now. I don’t understand it.

I had this issue after having our baby. For a year I have had zero interest in sex to the point I feel bad for my partner. I’m hoping once the hormones balance out and re breastfeeding stops completely that my libido will return, but it is distressing knowing that something inside you does not want sex at all ( especially as our sex drive matched before and was high).

I agree with PP that say that the issue is the mismatched libido. If it’s important to you then you need to have the conversation - although it is hard as I have found it very difficult to explain my why to my partner - he understand because I’ve had a baby. But I’m getting to the point where there may be more. Your partner may be aware of his low sex drive - if he knows that yours is high, he may be aware that it’s affecting you. Maybe he might be in a position to work towards fixing it - even if it takes a few therapy sessions or a deep chat.

The point is that we love each other more than anything.
I would rather do everything from folding washing to travelling the world with him.

We laugh in bed until we cry over silly things and in the next breath we are debating current affairs.

He is so kind to my mother who suffers with mental illness, encouraging her to stay for months at a time and he does things like get up at 5 am to take her to see different sunrises.

We have stood by each other's side through various illnesses and have seen each other at our worst.

There is no one on this planet I would rather do life with.

So yes, we have sex with other people once a month. The other 28 plus days, we are together, experiencing a beautiful relationship.

I respect your opinion, but I couldn't give a toss that we are sexually incompatible when every single other aspect of our lives makes me feel incredibly lucky.

You can love someone, you can be in love with someone, you can also be attracted to someone and the sex just not work out for various reasons. Could be kinks, could be trauma, could be anything.

The choice we have made works amazingly for us, and has done for years now.

This is more common than people think. I have 4 friends who experience this in their marriages. For 3/4 it's the man that doesn't want intimacy and was never really interested. In their early days of relationship those 3/4 say their husband was willing to have sex maybe once a month but never initiated. The other one had an active sex life but she went off sex b/c after they had their first dc he was just never helpful nor acted like a partner and their connection fizzled out - they are the only couple where it led to divorce and she initiated that interestingly, not him. All the couples are in their 40's 3/4 had children by having sex, but one had to use IUI due to their inability to have sex enough to address infertility etc. He basically said there was no way he could have sex several times a month to conceive and their fertility clinic said their fertility was rapidly declining, so they went for IUI. Only one of those couples has had sex in the last 5 years, and for that couple sex is basically a once a year thing.

Good luck.

I don't want to project, but just briefly I would really caution anyone who feels their partner is their soulmate in every respect - similar worldview, similar values, similar interests, similar opinions - except that genuine, spontaneous intimacy is a problem, to look more closely at the possibility that they were love bombed at the beginning of the relationship by someone with an abusive agenda longer term, because this is classic. Almost all relationships with covert narcissists share these factors.

I would not stay in this relationship. I have no issues with open relationships; I have considered one on and off over the years myself. However, I would not stay in a relationship with someone who would happily have sex with other people but absolutely no desire for me at all. What’s the point in being together? Does this not make you sad?

As I said, I’m all for open relationships and they really can work. But in your case, I just don’t see the point, I just leave and find someone who desires you and provides decent companionship.

OP, my husband has occasionally been like your husband over the years. It’s better now because I’ve been very upfront and open with him about how his lack of interest (only once or twice a month) was making me feel. I think having the confidence to say something completely changed things. I hope you can fix this.

He adores you but doesn't want sex with you

We don't do it as often as we used to but I would hate to not do it at all..

I have been reading AIBU for about 8 years and I can't say I recognise this at all as something said repeatedly here?

As large women, both me and my partner just enjoy cuddles and kissing. We have explored other means of stimulation but on the whole we love each other and are happy without going in too deep…..Anyway too much excitement tires us out!!

You don't have to give in to every temptation.
Also they may be sexual compatible but you have to get on outside the bedroom too.
So you have to think about it.

I am but I'm so happy there are so many more things in life than sex.

Nobody has it all. It's the best relationship I've ever had and the longest.......

He's lovely, caring, kind, works hard, adores me. We just work.😘

Tbh my libido returned once I came off the pill at 45 and now once again post menopause since gynae issues have disappeared, so I am not sure that the above is true for everyone.

Edited to say that I think I would leave your ds overnight with a relative and take your DH to a hotel. And either go for it or at least have an open discussion.

Have you googled the dangers of Tribulis?

Get him to do a hormone test, maybe his testosterone is low? My DH went on tribulis for fitness reasons but his libido was through the roof.

The fact that he'll accept a blowjob without any interest in reciprocating would make me feel like I was an OK choice to "service " him once in a while.
Is he using pornography? It's becoming a scourge, responsible for so many dead bedrooms. The man uses all kinds of excuses to avoid actual, physical sex, and it turns out to be a pornography "addiction ".
Worth thinking about unfortunately.

You explained eloquence above that the issue has evolved somewhat from lack sex into lack of respect due to his unwillingness to discuss the issue.
Have you said that to him? I think he needs to really understand that his failure to discuss the issue poses a real threat to your marriage but the lack of sex doesn't.