Inlaws giving me the ick over EVERYTHING

My MIL was like this when we had our first child, she and FIL turning up and just letting themselves in without knocking, constantly criticising, making snide comments about how her daughter knew how to do everything better than me. She used to hold the baby and say to him how cruel we were to him, e.g. "oh poor baby, your mum and dad are so cruel".
One time she was holding him and I pulled his bib down from his face and she turned her back and said "Don't touch him!"
That put the tin lid on it. I told DH if he didn't speak to her, they weren't coming in our house again. He spoke to both of them and things improved, but MIL used to just sit with her nose in the air without speaking when they visited after that. It took her a year or so to stop sulking.
I think the onus is on your DH to sort it out.

Why on earth did they stay with you for 3 days when they live less than an hour away?

Why is someone following you round your kitchen? I made it clear to the in laws very early on that no one is to come in the kitchen while I'm cooking, except DH to get guests a drink. When FIL arrives and pops in to survey the kitchen he is swiftly told "you know the rules, out!" With a laugh and a smile, but firmly.

Why did they stay 3 nights that would be a hell no from me! I would tell DH that you are going to be seeing them less as they are not enjoyable for you to be around and so why would you want to spend more time with them!!

I empathise. I also have in laws 45 minutes away who come and stay over and we don't have the space so they just sleep on sofas. It's awful. Can't really offer any advice as I just seethe inside.

There is literally no need for them to stay for 3 nights (!) Or even one, if they only live 45 mins away. People have longer daily commutes than that ffs. I'd be nipping that, and any overnight stays in the bud to start with - it will be a lot harder for them to irritate you so intensely if a) there's a definite end point to seeing them b) it's a short meet up and c) it's not in your house! Go to theirs or to a neutral venue or get your dh to take the kids to visit for a while to give yourself an inlaw detox.

You need to get your DH on board - tell him either you see them slightly less or at some point you will explode and then he will be in the middle of an upset mother and an upset wife - usually men try to go for the path of least resistance to have an easy a family life as possible so hopefully he will agree.

Do they ever host you and your family?

So hand over the hosting to dh... She won't judge his cooking I bet.

Do they just pop in without notice or can you at least head them off at the pass by claiming noro or some school event.

If they're liaising with your husband and he's just welcoming them with open arms twice weekly without any consultation then I think you need to start going out every time. Join a gym, start running, coffee shop, book club. Anything really and don't even begin to give a shit what your MIL thinks of you leaving him to hold the fort. Bet you anything he starts to consult pretty promptly.

As for your dealings with MIL. You can either let it wash over you and find your inner zen; find her something constructive to do that actually helps you; or start calling her out on it.

Well, this is how my mother taught me to do it.
Dishwashers sterilise the bottles because of the steam.
Thank you MIL, I'll be sure to ask if I want my cooking/cleaning/home mgmt criticised. In the meantime I'd appreciate it if you could keep your views to yourself in the interests of family harmony?
Just out of curiosity - did your mother in law criticise everything you did too? Did it ever stop? [Optional - or did you have to wait for her to die?] <Pointed look>

Start a thread on Mumsnet - "Things I wished I'd said to MIL today" and we can all pile in and make you laugh.

They sound like normal parents//inlaws. I would just breathe and have a bingo card going so you can laugh about it when theyve gone.

Ask your DH how he would feel if one of your parents followed him around making constant comments about a better way to do things.

He needs to have a word with his mum. She sounds so annoying. I'd also tell your DH that if his mum doesn't like your cooking, you won't bother making them any meals any more.

You’ve just hit that point where everything is annoying you know.

My mil has done that and I feel bad about it. Dh will be like mum called and I just eugh on the inside with an eye roll. What now. Kinda thing. I feel bad after but it’s just always something with her. She cannot come into my home without making at least one rude/snide comment.

Even if we have some boxes to go in the loft it’s ohh you’ve so much stuff, don’t need all that, what’s in it. I don’t know ask your son it’s his shit, you raised him like this 🤷🏻‍♀️ The sheds a mess… why are you in the shed.

I think his too sacred to throw anything away since he was never allowed to keep anything presumably.

The go on holiday for a month soon and I cannot bloody wait 🤣👋 no oh well I was in the area, well I was at Waitrose, was just popping to the grave yard… so thought I’d call in. Cheers.

Next time buy in some mediocre wine and hide the good stuff.
Give Mil a specific task to do in the kitchen
If anyone "tuts" just smile

Whole thing is agony but they won't change and are best ignored

It sounds like it’s cumulative. Your DH’s new job is to keep his mother out of the kitchen at your house. Also, hide the good wine.

Don’t get me wrong, these things would irritate me to no end as well… but it reads like you’re at breaking point and anything they do now is a MAJOR annoyance rather than a minor annoyance.

I think you need to have a break from them - not anything drastic, but just try not to see them too much or at all (send DH with the kids, have a hair appointment booked or a friend catch up so you’re unavailable) for the next 3 - 6 months to give yourself time to reset. Have DH take over communications with them and tell him that you need a break so that you don’t do long term damage to your relationship with them.

Also, be more assertive. “I appreciate the offer to help, MIL, but having to go around the kitchen and put things back in their correct spot just creates more work. Why don’t you do a puzzle with DC? Or if you really wanted to help then ironing DHs shirts would help him out a lot”