Do you size people up when you meet them?

this appears to be a joke.😂

Of course we do.We have all crossed the road or changed our direction to avoid someone. We have all withheld eye contact on appearance alone .

I'm not talking about resting bitch face. I'm talking about appearance in terms of clothing, hairstyle etc. Absolute giveaway in terms of politics and no, I don't see what's wrong with it. Pattern recognition is a useful skill to have.

I do this all the time! Guilty as charged. I can be very judgemental which isn't a good quality

I thought you meant like as if for a fight haha. I can tell when someone's extra smart quickly but I don't really know how

Try hard not to judge on appearance etc due to years working in social care. But a close neighbour, who was just vile - think money lenders -passed her home to a family member. Sadly they are cut from the same cloth. And yes, I judged as I wrongly thought the smiley, friendly, waving girl at the house was his partner. She was their cleaner.

His real partner called round at weekend. Gutted - aggressive, abrasive couldnt give a damn. Well dressed. Money does not buy you class. Please feel free to judge me for my judging.

I agree. Is it trying too hard to appear "nice" and non-judgemental? I don't understand how it's possible to be such a bland person that you could be around the same people regularly, without having formed some sort of opinion about each of them... That's just a bit weird. And slightly worrying.

I suppose so, yes. I mean, if someone looked dishevelled, angry, like they might smell bad, like they could be aggressive..then I'd obviously avoid them!

If someone seems quite open in their gestures and has an easy, natural seeming smile, a confident way of walking and standing, then I guess I might assume they were alright.

But when I think about that it could be ableist or something as some people look uncomfortable and unhappy because they've got health problems. Not because they are a horrible person. Or they are broke and depressed so don't look great visually.

I often find my first impression of someone is very wrong. So I do try and with hold judgement. As much as possible!

Yes. 100 per cent. Their demeanour. Their vibe. And if they monologue and ask me nothing.

I discount anyone who looks remotely they/them. I know our values and opinions won't align and I cant be bothered with the hassle.

Everyone does, OP.

It's what people.mean by 'first impressions' which is a concept that existed long before you started this thread.

I think first impressions count for a lot and we all make them unconsciously or consciously. I spend each working day with at least a couple of new people. Sometimes I'm spot on with my initial thoughts, sometimes I'm way off!

No one can say they never have thoughts on someone. We all make assumptions about people when we first me them. Those assumptions don't have to be negative.

Yes, the Guardian thing is hilarious, we have that instinct too. It's always easy to tell who will have books in the house also; I mean obviously that can apply across the political spectrum, but is still something that sticks out a mile.

So after 4.5 years, you had no idea which of your colleagues was friendly, chatty, selfish, opinionated, kind, quiet, sporty, fun, rude, organised, warm, standoffish, hardworking, attractive etc etc? No opinions at all? That’s quite unusual…

@Costcolover You're weird to be getting so offended by this. It's human nature to make judgements about a person in the first few seconds/minutes of meeting them.

Yes, but I try my best not to. I have been proven wrong on my first impressions of people on a number of occasions.

Not because I am terrible at reading people, just that people in general tend to be complex multi faceted human beings and that if you base your judgement on the superficial or an awkward (or impressive) first encounter, you're doing yourself and the other person a massive disservice and you end up having a very small world, surrounding yourself with others who (on the surface) act and look like you.

I met someone yesterday who I had previously only spoken to on the phone. I was at least 10 years out on the age I had imagined he was, but I correctly predicted what he would be wearing!

I come across younger than I am (I won't say that I look younger because MN doesn't believe anyone who says that) mainly because I'm short and dress casually. I notice that people treat me differently because of that , I think maybe because, from a distance they have already set their opinion that I am a child/young person (even though, close up it's very clear I'm not!)

Of course, it goes back to caveman / woman days, you do it subconsciously as a safety mechanism even before they open their mouth. As long as you aren't saying it out loud it doesn't matter. So will I make a beeline to the man on the bus who is shouting stuff at everyone, no i won't, he may be lovely and obviously has issues but my first thought is to keep myself safe.

I agree about class our society is so intrenched still in class differences

and easy to spot private school children I can’t explain what it is as many teenagers dress the same but there is just something about how they carry themselves

Yes of course but I am well aware that almost all of my unconscious assumptions are incorrect.

It’s human nature to look out for danger and sizing people up is part of that, I certainly form opinions on first meeting someone but I’m also reasonable enough to understand that there is a possibility that these opinions could be incorrect until I get to know someone better but I’m usually correct

@BananagramBadger

I give them quite a while to settle my opinion as some of my best friends were people who instantly annoyed me on meeting them!

This is an interesting phenomena and one that applies quite frequently to couples in my experience. I know of a number of people - colleagues, friends - who were intensely irritated by their future spouse when they first met them. And they've ended up getting married and having long, successful relationships together. Irritation can be a good sign I suppose as it might mean that the other person brings something new and challenging to the table

Of course

we all do it’s a way of keeping ourselves safe from danger or make decisions when engaging with them

if someone pulls out an axe while asking you the time you of course you will form the opinion you are in danger

we are not consciously aware of all the information that we are picking up on that we shall form an opinion on, it’s very interesting to read peoples accounts of all that they noticed after a significant event, all the telling signs that passed them so quickly at the time they were not aware of them

Yes, I also think it’s very easy to gauge social class immediately by appearance and speech.

I do, but mostly to do with how safe I feel with them. Or the opposite. And then I act accordingly.