Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call my friend naive and a bit daft? STD test for her son

36 replies

Mirandawrongs · 23/01/2025 08:46

My friend has a son for who she is a carer.
he had an accident a few years ago but now he has recovered quite well and is working, socialising and being more independent again.
he is 31.

he has started dating and he seems very happy. He has been open about his accident and she is accepting and empathetic.
they’ve had the sex talk and friends son doesn’t like condoms.
girlfriend has said if they both have STD then she’ll handle birth control if everything clear. Her son was surprised but is essentially ok with it.

I think this is sensible but my friend is deeply offended on behalf of her son.
my arguments of new relationship, no one knows each other’s pasts, it’s for him as much as her etc my friend thinks I’m very unreasonable thinking this is ok!

so, AIBU?
im actually quite impressed by the gf taking such a stance!

OP posts:
Bristolinfeb · 23/01/2025 09:10

This is complicated as he needs a carer. What are his carer needs? Does he now have cognitive difficulties? Does he still need a carer? At 31 it’s probably best that his Mum isn’t is carer.

marcopront · 23/01/2025 09:10

BeaAndBen · 23/01/2025 09:07

Oh my god, the poor girlfriend! Imagine not only your boyfriend’s mother knowing about your birth control decisions, but all her friends as well!

And a bunch of random people on the internet

nellythe · 23/01/2025 09:10

Really weird that she knows this information, let alone you.
It’s a little perverse that anyone thinks this is a discussion open for their involvement.

vodkaredbullgirl · 23/01/2025 09:09

🤔

x2boys · 23/01/2025 09:09

Too much sharing all round.

NautilusLionfish · 23/01/2025 09:08

What sex position do all of you guys think he should be having with his gf?

Serious. Y'all need to back off. Way back. And he needs to learn that his sexual choices are between him and his partner. Very emotionally unhealthy.

Geez

BeaAndBen · 23/01/2025 09:07

Oh my god, the poor girlfriend! Imagine not only your boyfriend’s mother knowing about your birth control decisions, but all her friends as well!

SnoopysHoose · 23/01/2025 09:04

Really!! her 31 year old son is this open and his mother thinks she's allowed a say!?
She needs to back off!

Original poster
Mirandawrongs · 23/01/2025 08:57

I think she’s just assumed that he doesn’t like condoms as they are “too fiddly for him”, I’m not sure he told her that.
im sure he knows she’s been talking, she tells everyone everything
she does have a heart of gold but cannot keep a secret

OP posts:
Catza · 23/01/2025 08:53

Your friend needs to grow up. I've been having STD tests in a new relationship since I was in my 20s and fully intend to continue now I am in my 40s. My relationships to date have been very open to the idea and it's the only way to make sure you are safe when transitioning to non-barrier contraception (bar infidelity issues). "When was your last STD test" is a question that comes up quite early on either from me or my new partner. It's pretty much a norm nowadays.
I am not sure why your friend is "offended" since she knows her son "doesn't like condoms".

Valid8me · 23/01/2025 08:52

I also think it is sensible but am a bit surprised that you know so much about her son's sex life - does he know that his mother is discussing it with others?