To call my friend naive and a bit daft? STD test for her son

Yeah this is making me a bit queasy. He's 31!!! Not 15!

Way way way too much info spreading all round.

If it were my son I'd be telling him his preference is neither here nor there - unless he wants to be a father, he uses condoms.

You can't tell your adult kids what to do with their genitals, ffs.

What are you going to do, stand over a man in his 30s each time he wants to fuck someone and supervise while he puts it on? I suppose you could ground him or take away his pocket money if he doesn't.

The girlfriend is the only one here who comes out of this well.

Firstly, your friend and her son shouldn't be having conversations as detailed as this about his sex life. He's 31, for Christ's sake, not 16. None of his has anything to do with his mother. He's a grown man.

I get that she is his carer, but presumably that's because he is physically disabled, not because he lacks mental capacity. He's working, dating, socialising etc independently and it's beyond bloody weird that he's chatting with his mother about when he's planning to start fucking his new girlfriend and whether he likes using condoms or not.

Secondly, you should be shutting down conversations your friend has with you about her son's sex life because it's massively inappropriate for her to be sharing this stuff about him with you. Just because she's his carer, that doesn't mean he's a child. He's entitled to privacy and dignity as a grown man.

Honestly, if I were the girlfriend I'd be running a fucking mile from this man and his mother. If I was dating someone who was having chats about this stuff with his mother, and whose mother was expressing an opinion about it and shooting her mouth off to her friends, I'd see that as a giant red flag.

It's just weird enough that he's discussing with his mum and that she discussed with her friend. But that you're thinking so much about it that you need to post here makes me kinda suspicious to be honest

If this is real

Your friend's son needs a new carer

It sounds like this blokes mum was his carer after his accident and now he is better and back to being independent, she can't switch off and is still trying to control his life and be involved in every single aspect.

She needs to leave him be. He's a 31 year old man.

Glad it's not just me!!!

Not once in my life have I ever discussed my sex life with my parents!!!

And why his mum still a carer if the OP says he's working and socialising and independent?!

Wow, this is gross. God forbid the son or his gf find out you've posted this. It's going to be pretty obvious that it's about them if they see it

Ew. She needs to get out her sons sex life.

But yes, very normal to have new partners do an STD test.

You sound like the girlfriend writing this in disguise

Your friends son is a dickhead. He needs to protect himself from unwanted pregnancy and not depend on a woman to do it for him. If he finds condoms fiddly he needs to practice using them. Besides, I'm sure he'll find a baby more bloody fiddly.

STI test wise. She is sensible and responsible. Although, i think trusting anyones fidelity isnt very sensible.

In my youtg i would have insisted on STI tests with every new partner and I'd use condoms as well. Maybe it's an age thing. HIV and Aids was a very much a new, scary and life limiting illness in my youth.

So in the whole conversation you both focussed on the sensibleness/offensivenes of the gf, and neither of you had any problem with the son 'not liking condoms'?

If it were my son I'd be telling him his preference is neither here nor there - unless he wants to be a father, he uses condoms.

This is so fucking weird

Jesus Christ.

I think this is sensible but my friend is deeply offended on behalf of her son. my arguments of new relationship, no one knows each other’s pasts, it’s for him as much as her etc my friend thinks I’m very unreasonable thinking this is ok!

I will ask again, why is your friend asking for your advice on her adult son's sex life???

I'm asking why you are bothered about (and investing time in) your friend's sons sex life? And what it could possibly have to do with you?

WTF?! I'm not sure what a 31 year olds sex life has to do with anyone other than his partner. But his mum's friends?! And you're posting on a public forum about it?!

Can I ask if you have much else going on in your life @Mirandawrongs ?

I don’t understand, did the son ask his Mum to help him book/find an STD clinic? Or did he just come home and tell her? I agree with others, it seems a weird discussion for a son to have with his Mum as an adult. I appreciate after a life changing accident, it may have created a dependency towards Mum but I’m unsure why she’s mirroring this and treating him like a child.

This feels like a reverse but I can’t figure out who the OP would be in the scenario? The gf, the son? Just seems strange to think so much about this when you’re so far removed.

It's weird that your friend is discussing this with you and even weirder that you've now put it on here. The poor son would be mortified and it's massively inappropriate. Hope you've changed some of the details otherwise he is fairly identifiable (age, accident, overbearing mother etc)

friends son doesn’t like condoms

Let's hope friend's son likes nappies then.

Why is a 31 year old telling his mum about this?

And why is she then telling you??