DS doesn’t want us to contact him while he is travelling

Where was she unsupportive?

I am also the eldest and went through a lot of what he went through but did not get as much support as he did.

Then I can't help you. Good luck to your own kids, if you're a parent.

@IMustDoMoreExercise heres another summary since you’re struggling so much.

I have.

If it is so obvious, just tell me one thing as I can't seee anything.

A lot of prioritising her daughters and letting her son feel unsupported! Please also remember you’re only hearing OPs POV. She’s obviously not going to think she did much wrong is she! Think about how many times you and your mother disagreed about versions of childhood memories. It would be very silly indeed to think that the OP is a super reliable narrator.

I really sympathise but I get your ds's resentment too, he sounds like he was the easiest to parent and so you had higher expectations of him and his behaviour as a result and now he has come to resent it. Maybe deep down because of your high expectations you felt he should have behaved better during the breakup too and he sensed that and just wanted some unconditional support? It was a tricky position for you though.

How highly you think of him does come through in your posts though, you trust his financial judgement and you're proud of his hard work etc. He just needs to hear it and is now making his bid for attention and asserting himself with a bit of an emotional foot stamp. I don't think he really thinks he had a terrible childhood he is just lashing out.

It's so easy to unintentionally overlook a child that doesn't demand a lot of attention/supervision, I think I'm probably guilty of that with mine.

Just be honest with him, tell him how proud you are of him both as a person and also his hard work for all his achievements. Tell him you understand why he feels the way he does but you're glad he articulated it even if it wasn't something you wanted to hear as the alternative could have been that he just drifted away and became a stranger to you which would break your heart. I would also gently let him know that being a parent is incredibly tough.
I think he'll come around.

Lets unravel this a bit.

How will your DD1 kick off?

Are you scared of her?

What would happen if you just let her kick off, to the max?

Why are you so against her moving out?

I’m not surprised she has little social life, she sounds a little Verucca Salt!

Try actually reading all the posts.

Well, compared to most parents she was perfect.

What exactly did she do wrong?

Well, compared to most parents she was perfect.

What exactly did she do wrong?

You don't need to respond. Let him go, follow his wishes.
He is the ideal age to go off and travel. Less than 20 years ago, you would only have had the odd postcard.
Maybe he will work it all through whilst he is away.
My dsis did similar. My parents were wounded by it. But with the distance of time, some of it she was right about and some of it she looked differently at once she had kids of her own.
With my own adult kids, I think I was a better parent to one. I realised far too late that different kids need different parenting. I did what I though was right. I can't go back and change it now. Equally that dc is a parent now and has softened their view.

Do you know what he actually sounds pretty thoughtful and mature. Whether he is right or wrong he feels aggrieved but he is trying to reassure you where he can and giving you connections. He is 25. I’d let him get on and have a great time. Send the letter, wish him well and respect his wishes.

This is the funniest post I’ve ever seen on here.

Have you REALLY read all the posts?!

I wish there was a 'support' or 'sympathise' emoji on here!

Have you ever seen the "but we took you to stately homes!" long running threads? I'm not suggesting you were emotionally neglectful but might be an eye opener.

@alizea Reading all your posts, I really think that you were too perfect as a parent.

Your son has never experienced bad parenting and so does not realise this.

Yes, this happened in my family too. My two (very manipulative) brothers were always prioritised and I do think that;'s because my parents were a bit fearful of them, so my sister and I have withdrawn a lot as a result.

Wow. You sound grossly manipulative.

At the end of the day, if he came on here and listed his upsets I bet a lot of people would cry to go NC! He’s 25. He’s fine. I’m 25 and I live alone, my parents don’t know about my life unless they ask. It’s not their business anymore.

OP - this is shocking tbh. You sound like you're slightly scared of your DD. Why is she ruling the roost in your house like this? It's becoming very, very clear that she is directly responsible for pushing her brother out. I've seen this dynamic before in my own family and it will end with both the other two siblings estranged from you, while you run around appeasing your DD1 for the rest of your life. Don't expect support from any of them at such a time when you might need it. OK so I am projecting a little here...but that's certainly one possible outcome, if you don't stop prioritising your DD1 at the expense of your other children. The problem is, it doesn't sound like you're capable of doing this.

No point in banning her now. DS has flown off. But a conversation about her respecting DS and his right to not have an ex in the house is definitely in order.
DS has given the instructions so just follow them (hope you sent the prior message apologising though). And work on what you will do when he returns

Has your son's ex ever communicated her feelings to you directly on the relationship breakup and how she feels he treated her?

Is this all coming from your daughter? She sounds really emotionally manipulative.

That's for you and your DH, not anyone else. You don't need to share that.

There's no way he's going to let you know anything about his girlfriend ATM because all he sees is his sisters and ex constantly laughing at him behind his back and his parents silently nodding along.

He won't feel comfortable being vulnerable with your family as there's no incentive for him to have any of you involved in his life. He's already financially and emotionally independent. Was an independent child while you ran around after his sisters from his experience. He's a good student and worker, a conscientious saver, has exciting future plans, he has a supportive network outside of your family.

He probably feels his life is actually better off limiting involvement because instead of ongoing doubt and embarrassment caused by your lack of support and gossiping he feels more confident and supported by others outside your family. Once your kids are adults it's not about what you think you're entitled to it's about what they feel comfortable sharing. You can't force anything. Without any bond of love or trust there's nothing there.