DS doesn’t want us to contact him while he is travelling

And then they will have kids and have a sharp awakening

Perhaps OP should tell him he wasn't supportive enought of her when her sister died.

Sorry you're in this situation OP, it isn't fair.

One of my children was like this. You'd think he'd been raised by wolves the way he carried on. He had a very indulged childhhoold with both parents present and no shortage of money, time or atttention being spent on him. We were liberal parents too. Yes, he too claimed that his sibling had received more attention - and he had because his sibling had struggled in school and needed extra coaching while the aggrieved child was very academically gifted.

I think young people go through a stage of comparing their actual parents with some deified version of perfection - parents who never snap, get fed up or say the wrong thing and who are totally selfless. They don't seem to think parents are actually people with wishes and hopes and dreams of their own. My son eventually got past this - probably after seeing children who were really neglected. Working as a student in a half way house for troubled teens with a predilection for knives and drugs did wonders for his perception of parenting skills.

Is there someone else in the family he could confide in about his thought process over this, - someone neutral from whom he might accept a more balanced, (less selfish) view. A grandparent maybe, uncle or respected family friend who has been in his life and has seen his upbringing?

Someone who could ask him to kindly, briefly check in with them once a month at least, face to face on-line so that they (you) know he’s safe, you know exactly where he is in the world - but not to pry or ask personal questions. To me, that would be a sensible plan to suggest from a loving parent/next of kin. It’s a recommendation for all who go off travelling for emergency reasons and would be more reassuring for you to know he is maintaining that link to you albeit indirectly.

I'm really sorry your son is causing you such anxiety and concern in this way. It must be very upsetting.

I feel like I’m seeing more and more parents of adult children whose kids, after having led a privileged and loved life, turn round and proclaim what a terrible childhood they had because <insert non-issue of privileged child who never had to endure real hardship and think feeling left out now and again is neglect>. It’s like having a perfectly OK life isn’t interesting, trendy or Instagram worthy enough.

I wonder about this, too. He's an adult so nothing you can do, but it does sound like he's bored and a bit dramatic.

Ask him if he'd be willing to send you some brief thing, periodically, just to say he is OK - maybe once a week? - with the previso that you will not reply to that or ask him anything. If he's blogging or something, just piggyback on that.

And make sure he knows he can ask you for help in an emergency, if that's so - no questions asked.

Also don't be an arse about "the girl"; she hasn't made him travel. He has decided to travel, and maybe that will be good for him.

I’d be upset too.Interesting how he says he might see you in London with her. Is that because he’s thinking of free accommodation? I’m shocked that he thinks it’s ok to speak to you like that. Has he had a privileged life? Sorry to say, as I know he’s your son, but he’s sounding like a spoilt brat. I’d leave him to it. He’s still so immature. I’m sure he’ll come back round in time.

He’s lucky to have some money from his aunt to go travelling. He’ll have a wonderful time I’m sure. Leave him to it and watch from afar on Instagram maybe until he’s got over himself.

If you don't respect his wishes, you'll push him away regardless. Ask him for a way to contact him in an emergency - a new email address or something, and tell him that you'll welcome him home when he's ready.

Also not everyone who goes to Thailand goes for sex tourism - 27million people go there because it's a beautiful country. But sure, tell the OP that her son is likely a pervert...

I feel like I’m seeing more and more parents of adult children whose kids, after having led a privileged and loved life, turn round and proclaim what a terrible childhood they had
I agree @JandamiHash and I think social media has a lot do do with it. Instagram and the like are full of this. Young people are encouraged to criticise their childhood and everything the way their parents brought them up, to an extreme degree so that almost all of them will decide their parents were neglectful or failed them.

It sounds like he is trying to create drama. If he genuinely felt he needed space he would just travel and send the odd text. I would just say ok if that’s what you want I respect your request.

I'd be worried the girlfriend is actively trying to isolate him from family and feeding him all this stuff.

Sounds like he's been to a dodgy therapist.

With any luck he'll travel the world, see some real poverty, meet some people who were truly neglected as kids (they do end up on the travelling circuit if they have the money) and come back with a completely revised picture.

Have you been in contact a lot before this? Have you been over bearing in any way? Just thinking that when I was 25 I only saw my parents 3 times a year and only spoke to them once a fortnight at max and we were close (I would say). Maybe you haven't given him room to breathe?

Deal with this by just listening and not getting defensive. Obviously he's going through something with his mental health right now. Getting emotional about this issue will just make him feel defensive and like no one is listening to him.
Acknowledge what he has said and just apologise. Say you weren't aware that he felt that way and you are very sorry to hear he went through feeling like that. Tell him you love him and will always be there for him.
Then say that you will give him as much space as he needs but you hope he knows how important he is to you.

sounds somewhat unsafe and the gal seems dodgy.
i would tread carefully as to not alienate him more, carefully extract as much detail as possible (maybe by asking his friends parents) and hopefully end up with a bit more contact than instagram.

I feel like I’m seeing more and more parents of adult children whose kids, after having led a privileged and loved life, turn round and proclaim what a terrible childhood they had because <insert non-issue of privileged child who never had to endure real hardship and think feeling left out now and again is neglect>. It’s like having a perfectly OK life isn’t interesting, trendy or Instagram worthy enough.

Why are young people doing this? Is it a hangover from being told they’re special and over-therapised “your boundaries matter and others MUST respect them” gubbins ? Or is it because he’s been travelling (I’ve known people to go travel and some catch a tropical disease, some catch obnoxious dickhead disease).

Anyway…my heart goes out to you OP. I’d be furious. Sorry but he sounds like a self pitying little twerp. “Leave me alone but you can follow me on Instagram”. He’s not Cristiano Ronaldo. Disrespectful as hell - you need to pull him up on this nonsense.

Break ups are awful but a whole year and 2 spells of worldwide travelling to get over it is OTT. If he hasn’t got over it by now that’s not your fault or problem. He needs to learn how deal with break ups and you don’t have to pander to overly long mooning.

Also I have to say I assume men who travel to Thailand alone are doing it because they’re sex tourists. It sounds a bit dodgy.