To just want my mum as a fully grown adult

My parents were raised by Edwardians so they never had any affection & never showed me any.

I can't even imagine what it's like to want your mum.

I have that feeling too, OP.
My mum is alive and we get on but she's never felt like a proper "Mummy" type mum.
My dad died a few years ago and we had a difficult relationship.
When I was growing up I always gravitated to anyone who gave me any kind of maternal or paternal attention. I was desperate to feel special and looked after, like a real Daddy's girl. I was so jealous of girls who were brought up to feel protected by their dads.
Embarrassingly I still crave this. I think I always will.
I just try to make sure as best as I can that my children won't ever feel the same way as me. That's the best I can do to make things better.

I'm sorry for your childhood but that feels harsh. It's entirely reasonable to wish that things were different and to be sad that something so fundamental is missing.

OP, I know you'll pull yourself back up and get on with life when you can but it's fine, maybe even good, to recognise that something was missing from your childhood, is still missing now, and to be sad about that.
I like the big cuddly toy suggestion. Do you have a friend you could talk to?

My mum is very much a "get up and dust your self off parenting type, you don't go to her for sympathy but she's great in many other ways.

"My mum hasn't really been a mum to me"

You're living with her though so I would say that's pretty mum like.

Nothing quite like your mum when you need comfort.

I'm older now and fortunate in that DH can tell when I'm down and just gives me a quick hug or even simply holds me. He seems to be able to sense I need it. But he's not my mum and even though she passed years ago I still miss her.

I was always told to dust myself off and carry on. No hugs.

Thankfully, loving and hugging my kids came naturally, still does at 27 and 16. Your children never grow old in your eyes. Well maybe they do to some.
I think they worry about me more than I them though, now!

If it was me, my daughter would absolutely wet herself laughing. A bit like when I fell over in the shallows of the wave machine in the pool. Too busy laughing to help me up, some random big bloke had to rescue me 🤣

Sorry, off point. I hope your grazes are feeling better now @fluffyjammies ❤️

i have a kidney infection at the moment and as good as DH is I just want to go to my parents and have my mum look after me. Dh tend to leave me be (don’t get me wrong he would get me something if I asked) but my mum seems to know what I need before I do.

my mum on the other hand had a very cold mother and she has made sure she is the opposite. Can be a bit suffocating at times but overall it’s great.

the poster who has got at you there is really no need

Bastards! I would have totally checked on you

I love my mum to bits - she's great in many ways - but she's not overly maternal. My dad is!
At least your mum is putting you up. Me and my mum would kill each other!
I do sympathise with you about the falling. I really hate it when that happens. Always such a shock!

Yeah I'm 35 and occasionally also think I miss my mum and wish she could come give me a hug and some soup. Best feeling in the world.

I envy people who mum still takes care of them I wish I had that (I'm in my forties!)

Hugs OP, I lost my mum in 2007, she was my rock, I was so lucky to have her and I miss her every day. I'm sorry you've missed out on having a huggy mum. Sending a big friendly hug to you 🤗

You need one of these @fluffyjammies.

Sending a hug anyway 💐

OP I forgot to add, I once saw a therapist who was on nhs wards too. He told me it was his first eye opener into a mother / child bond when he saw elderly patients crying out for their mums. There is definitely something in our genes! I think it’s human nature

💙A big hug to you @XWKD

My mum is dead a good few years. I still say good night to her and send her a kiss before I go asleep.

Sometimes you just want your mum. ❤️

This reminds me of when my great aunt, an energetic but frail seventy year old, fell i the street in New York city and broke her leg. No one stopped to help her, or even noticed, except one guy. As she dragged herself to the curb there was a drunk lying there. He looked at her sympathetically, as the crowd rushed by , and said “I know just how you feel.”

I fell over in the petrol station, slipped on some fuel that had been spilled 😳 really went down hard and smashed both my knees and wrist - there were people all around but not one person came over to see if I was ok! I got up and hobbled back to my car and was a bit teary 😢 drove home and peeled my jeans off my bloody knees, had a bit of a cry and felt sorry for myself! Sending hugs to you OP, it's horrible and you do feel shaken. Sorry your mum isn't more sympathetic - have a nice soak in the bath, get your comfiest pj's on and eat some chocolate 💐

That was a rotten thing to say. Of course you wanted a good mum at that moment. We have to learn to be our own good parents, it takes time but can be done. A big hug from one learner to another. X

If you have children then I feel so sorry for them

I'm going to be 60 in April and my mum's been dead since 1999 and sometimes I still wish she could just hug me and stroke my hair to make it all better. You're not being unreasonable at all.

She’s not expecting them to, she’s wanting them to. Completely different things.

I see we have the same mother. My mum would say the exact same thing to me. I've never felt like I wanted to turn to her when I'm sad because she cannot provide comfort. I've always wondered if she was autistic to be honest, and it's like she doesn't know how to deal with a situation where I'm clearly upset so she has to say the first thing that comes into her head, sadly this is usually terrifically inappropriate.

I take comfort in how I get to change things for my boys and be there for them when they need me.

It's 11 years today since my mam died. I have been very anxious recently after a health scare before Christmas that turned out fine but has really shaken me and I found very hard to deal with. I have so wanted my mam today- to tell her and have her give me a hug- she was very little and would give me a wrap around cuddle- and call me 'pet' and make me laugh by telling me 'Now come on get a grip.' I was home early from work and had a cry. I still feel orphaned without her.

@Maddy70 Jesus …..if you had a dysfunctional family, as you say you did, you’d show a lot more empathy for the OP’s feelings. There’s always someone who likes to be a total git.
OP, the world needs a lot more love and care, just as you do. Your mother was less than helpful, I’m sorry, YANBU to want comfort and a listening ear.