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Original poster

To not want a first date to be a meal

39 replies

Moonpigdotcommmm · 22/01/2025 21:12

I have recently got talking to a guy I knew 10 years ago met him once through friends. Now talking Via Facebook.
I'm not too sure yet how I feel or whatever. But he's just asked me if I fancy going out for a meal and I now don't know how to reply. Whenever someone wants to go for a meal when we are basically strangers I clam up. Its so awkward for me until I know someone. Like talking. Chewing. Looking at one another. Dressing up. Looking like a couple. Walking Into a busy place to sit for ages. It just gives me the most uncomfortable feelings. But I don't know how to say to him I'd rather not do that for a first date.
Or is this the only option for a date. Eating and a drink?

OP posts:
largeprintagathachristie · 22/01/2025 21:39

Just to say I never liked meals on first dates, either, for the reasons you outline.

Also you’re stuck for what feels like ages if it’s awful.

(I may be influenced by a first date meal absolutely aeons ago in my 20s where the guy said I had “big arms” - I was a size 10 at the time - took a longish phone call at the table and made weird remarks about the Thai waitresses. Can’t believe now that I didn’t just walk out.)

TheFoz · 22/01/2025 21:38

To me table manners is huge so a lunch or dinner date is a great opportunity to see if he’s one to talk with food in his mouth or make slurping noises 😖 but I get that it is uncomfortable with someone you don’t know. A trip to a museum/art gallery followed by a coffee sounds ideal.

Original poster
Moonpigdotcommmm · 22/01/2025 21:38

I genuinely don't know what I'd like to do. But it wouldn't be a meal. I just wanted to see what others thought. Thank you.

OP posts:
NavyTiger · 22/01/2025 21:37

Bowling is a good one

WinterFoxes · 22/01/2025 21:33

Just say I'd love you meet up. How about... and then suggest a couple of things you'd like to do. Then if you get on, you could go for a meal afterwards and have something to discuss.

ReachingOut8 · 22/01/2025 21:31

Just say that then? I would hate to go for a walk as a date so we are all different he is not a mind reader

Original poster
Moonpigdotcommmm · 22/01/2025 21:30

Needanewnameidea · 22/01/2025 21:24

Why can’t you just offer an alternative? I have a close friend with an eating disorder, we never meet up to do anything involving food. Other activities exist! I expect he’s just saying meet up for a meal because he’s not thought much about it and a meal is an obvious choice - if he wants to spend time with you I’m sure he’ll be open to suggestions.

“Thanks, I’d love to meet up but how about X instead?” where X is a coffee in a cafe, bowling, a walk somewhere, a visit to a wildlife park, a wander around a gallery, mini golf…

Yeah it's not my idea of fun. I feel abit blank but I've not seen himfor 10 years and may not like him at all so would prefer a different scenario.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonpigdotcommmm · 22/01/2025 21:28

Yuckyyuckyuckity · 22/01/2025 21:23

Yep. Just literally say you'd rather not go for a meal on a first date. It's not rude!

Although tbh the cinema for a first date is even worse, surely for a first date you want a chance to chat, not awkwardly sit next to each other when you've barely connected in person beforehand!

Show quote history

Yeah I mean a nice walk or a random trip to the seaside would be more relaxed for me. I genuinely don't feel a connection to stuff my face and chat yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonpigdotcommmm · 22/01/2025 21:27

TheFoz · 22/01/2025 21:21

What about going for lunch where it’s a bit more casual?

Lunch is still eating and talking and eye contact and overthinking lol maybe I'm just too uncomfortable to date lol

OP posts:
Needanewnameidea · 22/01/2025 21:24

Why can’t you just offer an alternative? I have a close friend with an eating disorder, we never meet up to do anything involving food. Other activities exist! I expect he’s just saying meet up for a meal because he’s not thought much about it and a meal is an obvious choice - if he wants to spend time with you I’m sure he’ll be open to suggestions.

“Thanks, I’d love to meet up but how about X instead?” where X is a coffee in a cafe, bowling, a walk somewhere, a visit to a wildlife park, a wander around a gallery, mini golf…

Yuckyyuckyuckity · 22/01/2025 21:23

Ohnonotmeagain · 22/01/2025 21:13

Use your words.

i’d prefer just to go for a drink if that’s ok?

why don’t we go to the cinema instead?

etc.

Yep. Just literally say you'd rather not go for a meal on a first date. It's not rude!

Although tbh the cinema for a first date is even worse, surely for a first date you want a chance to chat, not awkwardly sit next to each other when you've barely connected in person beforehand!

TheFoz · 22/01/2025 21:21

What about going for lunch where it’s a bit more casual?

toomuchfaff · 22/01/2025 21:19

Ohnonotmeagain · 22/01/2025 21:13

Use your words.

i’d prefer just to go for a drink if that’s ok?

why don’t we go to the cinema instead?

etc.

nailed it

Ohnonotmeagain · 22/01/2025 21:13

Use your words.

i’d prefer just to go for a drink if that’s ok?

why don’t we go to the cinema instead?

etc.