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Original poster

To tell him I don’t want to meet his parents until he considers me his girlfriend?

58 replies

Tinyterrapins · 22/01/2025 18:54

Perhaps I’m being very immature.

We’ve been dating since Oct. We work near one another which means we see each other almost daily. We’ve talked about the future quite a lot. I’ve met most of his friends. It feels very much like a relationship. Although it’s been a short span of time, we’ve spent a lot of hours together in that time.

However, I’ve only ever heard him refer to me as “the person i’m seeing” or “the woman I’m dating”.

I was shocked last weekend when he introduced me to someone as his friend.

I’m supposed to go to his mum’s 70th in a couple of weeks. I’ve never met any of his family.

While i’m pleased to be asked, I can’t help but feel a bit like accompanying him to a family event is a girlfriend job, and not for someone he’s just “seeing”.

Granted I’ve had a stressful day at work so I’m a bit grumpy today anyway, but I spent my lunch break unsuccessfully trying to find something to wear for the dinner, and it just dawned on me that it’s feeling like a lot of stress and effort, for someone who doesn’t even consider me his girlfriend.

We’re both in our mid 40s so perhaps people don’t use that word so much, but he refers to his exes as he “ex-girlfriend(s)” all the time!

OP posts:
User09678 · 22/01/2025 19:14

Maybe he's not keen on the term girlfriend because I thought you were 20 until you said you were 40s. Perhaps the word 'partner' seems a shade more serious than girlfriend, and you're not there yet....

It's entirely how you feel though. It's a great sign he's introducing you to friends and family. But if you feel you ought to be further along than he seems to want to acknowledge maybe have a chat, "are we just friends?" "Are we exclusive"?

PizzaPunk · 22/01/2025 19:14

Yeah it's probably the word 'girlfriend'.

I think a lot of over 40s might say 'other half' or something but rarely boyfriend/girlfriend.

Itstaxmonth · 22/01/2025 19:14

Tinyterrapins · 22/01/2025 19:11

We have. We’ve been dating exclusively for a long time now. Since a month into meeting. There’s nothing to indicate it isn’t going well, except this.

Show quote history

How do you know the dating is exclusive OP? Have you had a chat about it?

I’d ask him to clarify if you are his girlfriend or not

Original poster
Tinyterrapins · 22/01/2025 19:11

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 22/01/2025 19:00

I dunno about this one op

I'm with you and understand that you want that reassurance.

But, at 40, is he likely to take it seriously? And calling you his girlfriend could just be something he says, he doesn't have to mean it

Have you discussed where your relationship is going? Fidelity etc? I would lead with that talk and then bring up wanting to be known as his go

We have. We’ve been dating exclusively for a long time now. Since a month into meeting. There’s nothing to indicate it isn’t going well, except this.

OP posts:
mollymazda · 22/01/2025 19:08

i think the term 'boyfriend/girlfriend' is a bit icky in your 40's.. why do you need a badge or label?

october is only a few months.. even the youngsters of today wouldnt want girlfriend status at this point.

partygate · 22/01/2025 19:06

communication is important. I would lay it out for him - what are we? Friends like you suggested the other week or bf/gf? You can say in a straightforward way that you enjoy where you are and feel like it’s a relationship. If he doesn’t say gf then I’d tell him let’s skip the family intros until we both want to be more serious. Then rethink if he’s keen enough.

Quitelikeit · 22/01/2025 19:02

at your age I think you ought to be a bit more patient

the fact he is letting you meet his nearest and dearest is a great sign so I think you need to wait until around the 6 month mark possibly a bit longer

if it ain’t broke don’t fix it!

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 22/01/2025 19:00

I dunno about this one op

I'm with you and understand that you want that reassurance.

But, at 40, is he likely to take it seriously? And calling you his girlfriend could just be something he says, he doesn't have to mean it

Have you discussed where your relationship is going? Fidelity etc? I would lead with that talk and then bring up wanting to be known as his go