To tell him I don’t want to meet his parents until he considers me his girlfriend?

Ask him if he thinks people of your age sound silly talking about 'girlfriends' or 'boyfriends' when referring to the people there going steady with.

If he says yes I hate that, then you know.

If he says no it's fine you can ask why he won't call you his girlfriend and where he sees the relationship going as you thought being exclusive per the previous convo with him meant you were in fact his girlfriend.

I suppose referring to you as his girlfriend to others may feel a bit childish and referring to you as his partner kind of implies that you have been in a long term relationship so I not sure what the proper title would be as I’m not in a similar situation,

We definitely need a new word for it.

i feel icky referring to my “boyfriend” in my 40s but he’s not my partner yet and is more than someone I’m “just” dating or seeing.

Hmm, I dunno. I agree that over a certain age girl/boyfriend sounds a bit twee, but it could also be a sign he's a little hesitant about the relationship. What does your gut tell you? Do you think he is really into you? Be honest with yourself.

@Mydahliasareshit I love the fact that he is now Crispin in my mind.

Poor old Crisp, he just doesn’t have the words. But it is a MASSIVE symbol of how he feels to take you to this event after less than six months of dating.

Can't you just speak to him?

Ask him how he sees your relationship because you thought was going well but he introduced you to so-and-so as simply a 'friend' and another 'the person I'm seeing'.

You don't have to go full strop and say you're not going as it's a girlfriend job, but you wouldn't be unreasonable to check in on how he feels about relationship and let him know that you find him being dismissive of your relationship to others hurts you. Could be he feels awkward with a girlfriend in his 40s and you decide a name for it you're both happier with.

Because ‘girlfriend’ feels like a word for teens and 20s and ‘partner’ or ‘other half’ sounds like you’re living together - there’s isn’t really an obvious title for someone you’ve been seeing for a couple of months when you’re slightly older. I don’t think this should be seen as a negative particularly.

I'm in my 40s and the idea of calling someone my boyfriend sounds ridiculous to me now. Whether I'm wrong or not - it's just a term I associate with people younger than 30. Not for the middle aged.

As you've only been seeing each other a few months and you haven't yet met the family - 'partner' probably feels too much too soon.

So I guess I can understand why he's struggling to find the right words.

Maybe after meeting the family he'll feel more comfortable using the term partner - perhaps before that point it feels a bit presumptuous?

I personally don't like his choice of words as it makes me feel like you are not that important. I agree with the PPs about bringing it up in a relaxed way and ask him how he is planning on introducing you to his family. Maybe it's a good idea to go to this party and see how he is treating you and taking care of you (eg he just leaves you on your own) and then make decision on if you want to continue being with him.

Why should she be lighthearted? Why not just say 'oi why did you introduce me as your FRIEND to people last week? I was really hurt. I'm meeting your family - what the fuck? I'm your girlfriend and you're my boyfriend. Aren't we?'

That's what I'd say anyway. If he gets 'scared' (oh boo hoo) or behaves like a dick then you have your answer.

This would piss me off.

Wants you exclusively so you're not shagging anyone else.

Wants female company at this family gatherings.

But won't call you his girlfriend in a social setting - screams 'I'm keeping my options open'.

This age this is bollocks. Last guy I dated was in his 50s and was very clear he wanted to call me his girlfriend - everyone knows what it means and it's unambiguous.

Partner isn't the right term. Friend is definitely not the right term either.

Agree that it might be that "girlfriend" does sound a bit teenagery. Partner is a preferable, I guess, but maybe a bit soon to label someone a partner after 3 or 4 months.

What do you call him? All the way through your post (and the heading) you referred to him as "him" or "he" you didn't use a label. Pot Kettle?

But the fact you are going to meet his family at an important family event speaks volumes.

Are there any children involved in either side, what are the ages?
Any previous marriages on either side?

You could try something fairly lighthearted with a smile on your face so it doesn't seem 'heavy vibes'.

'Hey Crispin, we'd better get our story straight before that family knees-up. Am I to be introduced as mate, girlfriend, wench or partner in crime? You know I would never want to embarrass you!'

Then see where the conversation leads.

I'd say how he acts is more important. He's treating you like a girlfriend - wanted to be exclusive, wants you to meet his family etc.
And I guess you don't hear how he refers to you that often - I mean, he may have said to his mum "I'm bringing my girlfriend" or he may say to colleagues when talking about weekends "I met up with my girlfriend" and you wouldn't hear any of that.

I would go to the party and see how he is around his family about you. It may be he's uncomfortable with the wording girlfriend, partner etc.

I remember when dh and I were dating I would describe him to friends as "that guy I'm seeing " and then I discovered to him I was "our lass " (up north term for girlfriend ) I thought it was very sweet.

Yep this, my last partner was just that, would have been weird to call him a boyfriend in our late 30s. You know you’re exclusive and he’s invited you to a big family event. I’d rather just be introduced by my name and then people generally make the connection that you’re the special person he’s been talking about.

that’s good you’ve had that discussion.

I think nowadays a lot of people are “seeing” each other for longer, at least that’s what I’ve learnt from dating shows 😆

Many will say they’ve been dating someone for months at a time in the recent past, but then say they’ve not had a boyfriend/girlfriend in years. So I’m like ah that last person didn’t count as a gf/bf?!

Personally I would expect girlfriend around the 3 month mark though.I appreciate to some girlfriend/boyfriend isn’t the title they want after a certain age but I think it’s better than friend.

I was shocked last weekend when he introduced me to someone as his friend.

This would put me right off a man if he described me as a friend especially if we
were sexually active with each other.

I would probably jokingly say ‘so how are you going to introduce me at the party? As your friend like you did with X?’ and see what he says

The term partner is very broad. I'd go with that.

Is it not just the term? I'm in my 30s but i hate using the word "boyfriend" it just seems childish. I think the fact he wants to introduce you is a good thing, I think you are overthinking it

I agree with you. What do his parents think you are, his friend? What’s he going to call you at the birthday?

I think if you know that you are exclusively seeing each other and are confident with how things are going I wouldn’t worry too much about the terminology.

I prefer partner or other half etc rather than girlfriend (I’m also mid 40s) … so perhaps he just doesn’t like that specific word?

Don’t worry about words, it’s actions you need to watch … you’ve met his friends, he wants you to meet his family, I think you are all good 👍

Girlfriend boyfriend over about 25 is a weird term, I started dating my OH when I was 45 and when we went exclusive we just said person I'm seeing, when we moved in it was partner and now it's just names, Hi this is Bill, or this is Karen etc.