To tell him I don’t want to meet his parents until he considers me his girlfriend?

This is my thinking too.

Plenty of people feel "girlfriend" is an odd term for anyone over about 25.

But listen to what he is actually doing.

Wanting to be exclusive early on.
Inviting you to his Mum's big birthday do.
Inviting you to meet all his extended family this early on in the relationship.
Seeing you almost every day.

All of that sounds like he is committed to me, I wouldn't be worrying about the language.

Well I'm middle-aged and I think boyfriend/girlfriend terms are fine and appropriate if you're exclusive but not living together.

I’m in the same age bracket as the OP and there’s no way I’d use the term girlfriend or boyfriend. I’d say either partner (we are 2 years together) or ‘the person I’m seeing.’ We are together now for life, totally committed to each other, entirely exclusive, and knew that from very early on, but even a few months into the relationship we would have never considered using the term ‘girlfriend’. It just feels weird at our age, having been married before, and with kids from previous relationships. I think the OP can relax. It seems to me to be all about him not liking the word, and nothing more sinister than that.

Actually it's quite useful to see if the person has read all the OP's updates or just the first.

I think broadly you just need to consider that there exists a possibility (and from comments here a fairly strong possibility) that you both have different feelings towards the terminology of girlfriend/boyfriend. There's clearly no wrong or right.

It could be an indicator, of course, that he is non-commital to the relationship but before jumping to that conclusion - there is enough feedback here to give pause for thought and not make a rash decision to break up with him.

I think that's about as good as it gets in AIBU, so hopefully you've found the differing responses really helpful.

Go to the meal because ultimately if you don't he really would have reason to doubt your commitment to the relationship too. Go to the meal and have a chat about it after would be my view.

I am with you OP. I am not doing girlfriend things with somebody whose girlfriend I am not.

I also find it odd to invite the “woman I am seeing” to a family function.

This. It's 3 months. And two months of exclusivity. Not even remotely approaching a long time.

I don’t think girlfriend/boyfriend status is ‘teenagery’ at all. I think it’s entirely reasonable to want that. I agree, if I’d been introduced as his friend I would act accordingly. Friends don’t sleep together, generally. He sounds like he’s being a knob but he might just be being thoughtless and a bit of a twit about it. I think you should talk to him about how you feel about it all. If you can’t then it’s not worth continuing, is it?

similar age and whilst I struggle with the term boyfriend / girlfriend because it seems too young, I don't really know what else to use! The first time I said something to the my BF about being his girlfriend (I think it was in context of meeting his DD) he went "ooh are you my girlfriend?" and then agreed that he didn't know what else I was if I wasn't!! Partner doesn't seem right as we don't live together or share finances or anything like that.

This. Was so relieved once we got married and didn't have to think about it anymore😂

I dated a guy like this and I assumed as we were clearly in an exclusive relationship that the terminology wasn't important. He confirmed we were exclusive. It was a shock to find 1 year down the line that he still considered me "a friend" and not a girlfriend or partner. He said that was an obligation he wasn't ready for. He never got readier.

I'd at least discuss it.

How can you have been dating for a long time (since a month into meeting) when you said you only met in October? So the absolute maximum amount of time you've been dating is 3 months! That's not a long time OP....

Also, he wants to introduce you to his family. Surely they know who you are (or will do once you're introduced) and will know your his significant other?! I don't think you need an official title?!

I always felt really awkward calling DH my boyfriend before we got married. I sometimes said partner but usually just said this is "John". Nothing sounds quite right when you're dating past your 30s!

I would ask him, dies he consider you as a friend, girlfriend, special friend, companion, partner.
Because meeting his parent's is quite a biggy, & "friend" doesn't seem adequate.

Crispin 😂

It’s too early to be forcing a relationship.

Yeah I can’t get my head around that. I have had single male friends who have introduced me as a friend to colleagues and family when we were younger because I was literally just that - their purely platonic female friend (yes it exists and we’ve been friends for decades now in some instances without either of us making a move! )

I wonder now if any of their friends and family thought “friend” was code for something else 😵‍💫😂if that’s what people are calling friends lol

I would ask him straight out why he introduced you as his friend. If you're sleeping together, you're obviously not just a friend!

Since October is not a long time. I have condiments older than your relationship. This is very early on and it sounds like you take your relationship more seriously than he does. "The woman I'm seeing" sounds casual.

See what happens at his mom's birthday party. I do think cancelling going over a label is a bit rude unless you guys have a discussion and you're not on the same page.

We got together when I was early thirties and married when I was forty. Never used boyfriend / girlfriend, we just used each other's names.

Everyone knows what it means when you start to turn up to family events.

What mattered to me were the things you describe, having the exclusivity talk reasonably early on and treating each other well. I don't think he has done anything g wrong.

Wanting to be called a girlfriend is certainly not a hill on which I would die.

what?

Yeah I don’t know if it’s because I’m a millennial, albeit an older one but it’s considered normal terminology for me and my friends (late 30s)

I can’t stand other half and will never ever use it even I get married 😂

You're fine with "icky" though. OK.

@Greyish2025 - hopefully this is helpful: there is no need to quote the opening post before writing your comment. Everyone assumes you are replying to the OP. Imagine how long the thread would be if everyone quoted the op before replying? I've noticed that you've done this on several threads today.

I'm surprised about the boyfriend/girlfriend lingo. I'm 35 and call my boyfriend my boyfriend, he's 10 years older and refers to me as his girlfriend.

I loathe "other half" and "partner" seems a bit too much when we've only been together a few months - i can't really think of better terminology than boyfriend/girlfriend 🤷‍♀️