School calls about good behaviour?

Loads of comments are talking about good kids 'going under the radar' and I don't know what this actually means.

They're noticed and included in the lessons. They're taught to improve from wherever the are ability wise and given helpful feedback to get better. They're spoken to by teachers and praised and encouraged. They're given rewards and acknowledged in assemblies. They receive positive reports. They get invited to clubs and trips. They're recommended for prefect positions and mentored.They have a tutor for pastoral support. They get careers advice. They'll be looked after and educated.

They do not need additional, unnecessary parental communication.

It's not that teachers don't know or parents don't know they behave well and it's not like they miss out on anything.

Some schools do recognise good behaviour, even for those DC who only ever behave well. I have had several calls about working hard, being helpful, etc but never had one about bad behaviour.

I regularly got phonecalls from my eldest two's school, they are well behaved and high achieving but they did get recognition. The school also did positive points, they got points for attending classes punctually and with correct equipment, homework, effort in class etc.

This was secondary school though. The primary school tended to ignore the well behaved children, to the point my middle child said that they were going to be naughty on week so they could get the rewards. I had to explain it shouldn't work like that and they weren't doing themselves any favours.

To a certain extent YABU. Good behaviour is its own reward. Well-behaved kids (especially once they are secondary age) know that their good behaviour helps them achieve well, keeps them safe and out of trouble and means they have better relationships with staff and with other kids. They may not think about it in such conscious terms, but they don't look at the troubled kids and think 'I wish I were one of the ones getting calls home about my good behaviour - it would definitely be worth being in trouble the rest of the time for that!'. Besides, good kids do get rewarded.

As a teacher I've never called for good behaviour, some days I'd have nearly 30 phone calls to make! I mention good behaviour at parents evenings or in general conversations with parents.

My son's school does calls about good behaviour. I have had a couple of calls to praise his behaviour. He is well behaved and hardworking so it isn't always kids who have come on the radar for the wrong reasons who in get these calls. However I can see it might well make more of a difference where a child is struggling to recognise the positive.

Personally I wouldn’t worry too much about this, the reward is in the long game

my child spent years struggling in the state system - who couldn’t cope with their medical needs, disabilities and sen - we were very used to the schools number popping up in our phones to say they were having another meltdown / episode etc and my heart stopped every time with that dread of ‘what’s happened now’

got their EHCplan and moved into tiny independent sen school - very soon got the dreaded school number on my phone - but it was for once the teacher calling to say what a good day they had had.

got a few of these lovely ‘good’ phone calls celebrating achievements and positive events and was wonderful.

very different scenario as due to the high needs the staff /pupil ratio there was practically 1:1 when accounting for all the TA’s and Physio’s / ot’s / salt / nurse etc onsite and so they were able to do this.

Totally see how hard this would be to do in mainstream but it was lovely after so many years of negative calls to have some positive ones.

I used to love making good behaviour calls. I used to have Friday period 1 free so would pick one student per class who had done something good that week. I liked to pick the helpful and kind ones best perhaps not the most academic that got validation elsewhere and those that went out of their way to help someone. I'd phone their parents who would be delighted, and students often reported back to me on what a nice weekend they'd had, or mum got them X that they had wanted, or cooked their favourite dinner Friday night etc it was lovely.

The poor behaviour phone calls where I got sworn at, not so much.

Who has the time to ring about good behaviour??

Our secondary does occasional calls home about good behaviour- we had one last term to say our son had the highest number of positive points in the year. He's a good kid who works hard and we've never had any calls about bad behaviour (very different with his younger sibling!). It is so nice to get that sort of call and I do appreciate the school recognising him.

Our school recognises good behaviour by giving a special slip of paper every time they go above and beyond (i.e. young children great listening, helping teachers, helping a hurt friend, reporting bullying etc). The teachers keep a note of who got a slip that month and once a month they do a raffle draw for the children entered and a handful get mentioned at assembly. Because it is sort of random it doesn't hugely favour any one child repetitively and really makes children happy. The parents also see the slip at home and get to praise their child for it. I agree though, if the school called me I would think someone got hurt or there was a problem.

The well behaved child gets small validations all day, that they probably take for granted, and which of course the parents don't hear. The poorly behaved child get small (and large) negative messages all day, which makes it important that positive progress is noted and shared. Otherwise they reach the point of 'why bother?'

We have recently started a system whereby children earn points for good behaviour. For every day they do not get a poor behaviour point they get one good point, two points for a particularly good lesson/being engaged in class, 3 points for their work being sent to the head and 3 points for a random act of kindness towards a peer. Parents get an automatic email every Friday telling them how many points have been earned. So if your child has received 5 points you know they have had a good week, if they get more, they've had a great week!

The points go towards prizes and they can choose to spend them whenever - including saving them up for a larger prize at the end of term.

I like this system - it rewards the 'grey' kids that never get into trouble, but don't stand out.

Most schools have a weekly award where good behaviour/ work is recognised. Star of the Week for example. We give out housepoints all the time.

I have both those children. One perfectly behaved, always good to everyone.
The other very bright in school, probably bored, always disruptive, know it all, mischievous and always in trouble. We also get calls for good behaviour 🙈
But Im so glad my other child doesnt get any calls. Just make sure you reward your child!

I used to get a letter from secondary school if my sons had 💯 % attendance but that was it 🫂

My department used to send specially printed cards home for particularly good work, effort etc.

Phone calls followed bad behaviour. A call gets home faster than the pupil walking home.

In extreme cases parents called in to take their child home.

Sadly there are always those whose efforts are not always recognised. Those pupils in the middle.

Not unrelated….

Whilst on one training day with an external speaker we were told that some pupils didn’t speak to anyone all day. Quite a shock.

Made me think. I made an effort to speak to everyone in my classes and particularly my form. Easier as a teacher of a practical sunject.

Bad behaviour is a huge problem in mainstream state schools right now. Lots of teachers and support staff are physically assaulted on a daily basis and it’s becoming almost part of the job to be hit, kicked, bitten, spat at or sworn at. This is why teachers don’t stay in the profession beyond 5 years, or if they do, they’re burnt out. If you don’t believe me, check out the 2024 teacher well-being index.

Children should behave. It should be a basic expectation and not something to be rewarded with stickers. Children should learn to behave not because they’ll get a sticker, but because it’s the morally right thing to do when you live in community with others. And if a child struggles with that, and they have support needs, then they should be supported to the max on just that. It’s fundamental. Maybe as a society we should be talking about bringing back more specialist and alternative provision.

But if it’s about parenting, then schools should have all the powers to exclude and put the responsibility back on the parents. Can’t behave in school? Sorry, you need to stay at home until you can.

I'm a TA, and I have a little pad of notes in my toolbox with "I'm so proud of... today, because" and then my name printed at the bottom. If I notice a child doing a particularly good job of something, or going out of their way to help someone, I whip one out and fill in their name and the reason, ready to go home. I probably do one or two a week.

Last week I did two: one for a girl who noticed someone struggling with skipping on the playground and spent the rest of break teaching him what to do, and one for a boy who kept persevering in maths when he was really, really struggling to understand. Today, my phonics group were constantly chatting and messing, so I sent one home for the one girl who was just quietly getting on.

I've had several comments from parents since I started doing it, to say how lovely it is because they often feel their child is overlooked.

Yes, you are.

This is a call about IMPROVED behaviour rather than good behaviour. Teachers should be able to give you feedback at pick up if you have any concerns, there's two or three parents evenings, there's other opportunities to pop in for school events when you can ask.

How often do you want to be called to be told Jessica played nicely at play time today, and ate her lunch? Can you imagine how long this would take every day?

My DD’s school had an app where good behaviour is put on there as a ‘positive’ and if you get x amount of positives you get a reward. It’s nice to see and yea hers can upload as and when they have time. I have to say I’m a busy woman and wouldn’t necessarily appreciate a non urgent phone call from school

This isn't a new thing.
At my DC school those pupils that were badly behaved would be rewarded with vouchers that could be built up to buy games/CD's/DVD's if they managed to get through a class lesson with little to no distraction to other pupils.

Those DC generally well behaved got rewarded by watching badly behaved DC being given said vouchers during assembly and this was over 15 years ago.

I disagree op. I think children with good behaviour should be treated as if they are doing what's expected. You don't get a sticker because you've been kind / well behaved / tried hard because it should be what you are doing and as soon as you begin rewarding those behaviours it becomes more about the reward than just the intrinsic knowledge that yes, you are doing the right thing.

I moved from a reward heavy school to a school where stickers and reward charts were banned and I thought it was nonsense until I saw it in action. In the second school children's behaviour was so much better because it was just expected and treated as the norm.

I'm sorry I don't agree. I teach and I see well behaved kids always getting praise. Maybe teachers do go out on a limb for those that struggle but I know from my own practice that a bit of kindness can change that students day. It doesn't mean I neglect students who are behaved all the time.

And in regards to the "mumsnet telling you, you are lucky to have a child that doesn't struggle" on occasion I've had parents sit down in front of me at PT meetings say "go on so, how bad are they?" And are shocked when I say positive things about their child. I'll never apologise for pushing a bit harder for those kids.