To be furious with weight comments made to my 10yr old

Of course it's just as bad. Telling someone they are thin when are in fact too thin and suffering with anorexia for example, you think that's not as bad as calling someone fat who has struggled to lose weight?

It is. It may not cause anorexia but it most certainly is damaging and harmful. I should know.

Why is it different? Speaking as someone who was taunted for years over my ‘stick thin’ build.

YABU because you clearly know that anorexia would most likely be triggered by being called too fat, not too thin. Fine to be annoyed at the other girls' body shaming comments but let's not kid ourselves that being called too thin is as damaging as being called too fat.

Tell me how? Social and cultural norms around appearance are such that thinness is prized above all else. Thin does not have the same pejorative connotations that fatness does.

I will add that as a rule, I never comment on anyone else’s appearance, and I teach my children the same.

I know my daughter wasn't called fat but to me it's potentially just as harmful and I'm so angry.

To you... What does your daughter feel? I'm guessing she's not angry, does she now feel insecure about her build/weight/appearance?

You might be making a mountain out of a molehill here...

Really? A 10 or 11 year old child, who is still learning about what is & isn’t socially acceptable, making one comment makes her a ‘bully’?
I think the OP blowing up the way she is has much more potential for this causing long term damage.
It was a silly, unkind and wrong thing to say. I’m sure she’ll be told that. What more is needed here?

Get ahead of the narrative - I’m sure you have countered this already because you are right it can be very damaging if it is internalised

It is just as bad.

Yes of course it would be different, and I’m sure you understand why.

I voted YABU OP, not because it wasn’t unkind but because I think you have done enough for now. It seems it was a one off comment (as described), you’ve told the school, you’ve had/you will have a chat with your DD.

Wow chill out op! Definitely don’t do any of what you suggested people will think you are bonkers!

Use it as an opportunity to teach your child about jealously. If she's not thin, and they are bigger girls, they are just jealous. Your DD shouldn't feel any harm from their comments given that she is not what they said she is.

I think don't make a big deal out of it or your DD will see it as a big deal.

Try to build resilience in your daughter as there is a lifetime of thoughtless comments ahead of her. Other people's comments don't define you.

Just sounds like an insecure little girl saying the comment. I don't see why your daughter would be traumatised. I was stick thin when I was young, kids AND adults always commented on it, I ate plenty so the response was always just a shrug. Making a massive deal of it seems a bit over the top.

The girls sound like they were being unkind, you’ve spoken to the school so I think you should leave it there. Do not contact the other parents.

Speak to your dd and ask how it made her feel. Don’t focus on eating disorders just now, I understand you have a lot of experience on the matter but listen to your dd and remind her that it was good that she confided in you, that she can talk to you about anything and you’ll always be her biggest supporter and safe place. Based on how she feels you can then talk about body shaming and how she should try not let those ignorant comments get to her as the girl’s aim was to upset her.

How is she looking like an idiot, and as a menal health nurse as she explained she sees things likes this all the time, what part are you finding hard to understand??

I’m shocked at the way the vote has gone so far, 78% think yabu! I’d bet my house it would be different if this girl had called your dd as fat as a pig instead of as thin as a stick.

YANBU OP

Talking to your daughter about it will do more to limit any damage than making a fuss with the school. If it becomes a recurring issue then go back to the school. For a one off I’d put it down to 10 year old girls being bitchy and insecure, a small amount of this between peers is normal and something we all have to learn to cope with.

Sometimes with bullies you have to fight back

No sorry, bodyshaming is horrible, picking on someone's wonky eyebrow or sticky out ears or calling them too thin is unkind and wrong but fat people face objective discrimination that thin people just don't.

Kids do need to be able to assert themselves in these situations. Just teach her to say 'its rude to make comments about other people's bodies.' and move the conversation on. I feel escalation to calling the parent is somewhat excessive.

Children do make observations about eachothers looks, sometimes factually, sometimes unkindly. But just teach your daughter not to sink to that level and to correct people who speak that way.

Can you contact the girls mother, her daughter is a bully

I don't think it's as harmful as being ridiculed for being fat, sorry,

You can't say that with any certainty because body shaming affects people in different ways.

Tbh I'm sure she'd be fair to call them jealous for not being as thin as her

Hopefully she won't lower herself into body shaming them back.

No good would come from any of it.

The girl is obviously jealous of your daughter and is conscious about her own weight

How did your daughter feel about the comment

I don't think it's as harmful as being ridiculed for being fat, sorry, but it is bloody horrible to be singled out by this former friend

But I definitely wouldn't make a thing of it, agree with pp

Tbh I'm sure she'd be fair to call them jealous for not being as thin as her

It is unkind. As you yourself say kids if this age fall out and say mean things to each other. You have dealt with it. The school will speak to the other child about why it is an unacceptable comment. Doing anything further would be an overreaction. It will also potentially blow this up into a bigger issue.