To be furious with weight comments made to my 10yr old

It’s very rare to find Anorexia in primary schools. I’d never heard of it in the 80s until I was at high school and got it and my dd didn’t until high school either. It’s common in ND girls and often starts when the wheels fall off in high school. A silly primary school comment made in ignorance is not boring to cause raging Anorexia.

Eh, tell your dd to ignore them. The jealousy is so obvious, shame as these girls are obv insecure about their weight and have been allowed to become fat at 10 yes old

They absolutely have heard of it at that age.

back in the 80’s I knew what anorexia was about age 8.

it’s endemic in dancing and some sports. I’d heard the older girls talk. I’d heard my mum talk about weight and her constant
fight to lose it. I knew about thin being good and fat being bad, and that stopping eating was good and I’d be thin, which was good.

Exactly this my dd got called skinny with often genuine concern for her size throughout secondary school. Nothing I could do and frankly it was the least of her problems.

Kids are cruel but we can't protect them from every mean comment.

lol at the idea that 10 year old girls who have already split from another girl might be concerned^^ at her weight

I’ve had anorexia as has my daughter .I don’t find 10 year olds saying silly things in ignorance offensive.

Yes I know. I didnt say OPs child has anorexia. I asked was the poster anorexic given that they see being told they are too skinny as a compliment. Just because they seen it that way doesn't mean everyone does. It's offensive and damaging to people who have EDs and are battling with their weight.

OP I think you need to take a serious chill pill.

Kids are awful and say all kinds of things. Yeah that isn’t nice or kind but my kids have heard far worse than that. I used to say someone can tell you the sky is pink with purple polka dots but it doesn’t make it true.

You are completely overreacting. Resist the urge to helicopter parent and solve your kids issue by texting rhe parents and going full on.

It’s a good opportunity for your kid to build resilience and judgement on who is actually a friend and who isn’t. Those skills are far more important to learn through life than being called an unkind name.

And frankly if she’s made it to Y6 and this is all that has happened she is ‘lucky’. Wait until senior school…….

Yes this would make me furious too and the school should take it seriously.

No one should be commenting or remarking on someone’s body and the school should be enforcing this as a rule.

The ops child isn’t anorexic.10!year olds in year 6 haven’t heard of Anorexia.

From a parent with a child who has ed thank you xx

Sorry you are massively over reacting and I do think as an alleged RMN should be better informed and modelling better behaviour to your dd. My dd was seriously ill with anorexia for years. It’s highly unlikely a throw away comment about being skinny is going to cause a serious eating disorder it’s waaay more complicated than that. Also a shrug and we’re all different sizes would have drawn less attention to her size than hysteria re a comment. Storming into the deputy head, calling young primary school children unpleasant names as an adult, threatening to text parents is not a proportionate reaction. She’ll need to develop some resilience for high school and the above isn’t helping her to do that.

Were you anorexic and struggling with depression and body image, and in pain every day due to your anorexia? I assume not if you find being told you're too skinny a compliment.

Once someone called me too skinny, I was 11. I still think about it regularly and smile to myself! Possibly the best insult I’ve ever had. I wish someone would say that to me now tbh.

This. Anything else, such as thinking talking to the Mother is going to get something done, is a waste of time. Spend that energy in building up your Daughters confidence OP.

I voted YABU because I don’t think the OP should be messaging the mother, the teacher should be dealing with it.

The OP is allowed to be annoyed, nobody is refuting that, I just think she needs to leave it to the teacher to handle, hence the YABU.

Why do you think her view might be influenced by her experiences and why do you say that as if it’s automatically something that makes her view less valuable?

Someone with experience of being body shamed for something other than fat is saying that it still hurt them and still had a negative effect on them.

It’s irrelevant that society views thin as being better than fat. It also views women as being more attractive if they are curvy and have big boobs rather than having a figure like a slim
teenage boy but so what? Name calling is name calling and it still has the potential to hurt people on the receiving end of it.

This is Mumsnet. There would always be somebody posting 'OP, kindly, could you have lost sight of what a healthy child looks like? Can you see her ribs? Does she eat a lot of UPFs? Are you obese?'.

I agree that it needs to be stopped, as they are just as likely picking on other children's appearance in different ways for a feeling of power or control - and have probably internalised a lot of negative messages about themselves already. But focusing upon the weight element is a distraction, as it's not about the content as much as it is targeting things that kids do not have control over to make them feel bad; the bullies could as easily be picking upon hair colour, perceived income levels, the appearance of parents, what their house looks like or their intelligence.

I learned that too the hard way, I always try to think what I'd do if someone came to me, but not everyone reacts same way, I did same, told a friend her daughter called mine a fat cow, they were 11, my friend was immediately like, oh but what did my daughter say for her daughter to say that, I gave up after that and would never go to parents, most can't seem to grasp their kids can be nasty

We will agree to disagree, I respect OP is MHN and has more experience than me in dealing with this everyday so I prefer to listen to her than you. If she thinks this could be a potential problem and has seen things like escalate then she's right to talk to the school.

Yes I understand why, it’s because fat people think they have the monopoly on rights to be offended by fat shaming.

I also understand that society doesn’t view obesity as a positive thing but these children are only 10. Name calling for the sake of hurting another child is nasty whatever insult is chosen. It still hurts and it still has the potential to be damaging to a child with insecurities about their body.

I was bullied as a child for a feature that I now receive a compliment on at least once a week from people I barely know. It still felt shit at the time.

Fair enough

Being horrible to someone for any reason is nasty. But attacking someone for being fat is actual discrimination, I stand by what I've said

If that's the worst thing your child ever has said to them at school she's on to a winner.

Don't blow up a silly one off comment. If these girls are genuinely intent on giving your kid a hard time, this will make it much worse.