To think a disproportionate number of MN posters have failed marriages?

Give it another couple of years Op😉

Most people I know are on second marriages and I’m 42. Dh and I are in the smaller group of those on first marriages. One of my friendship groups are all still together but we met through church so I think that would be disproportionate perhaps. I wonder if all those you know who are still together are actually happy? I think that’s a whole different thing.

Yeah this completely. You're not getting a representative sample here.

Well you have no idea who is unhappy in their marriages among most of the people you meet. Also there’s a financial aspect. My children go to a very expensive private school. About 3-4 families have divorced parents. That doesn’t make statistical sense so I explain it by thinking that they’d like to divorce but then they’ll have to divide the money, so they might as well stay together and do all the things MN discusses.

Yes I understand that. I just found ‘I won’t be telling my children to marry’ odd wording, as I don’t personally know any parents who actively tell their children to marry.

This table shows the year of marriage and what % of the couples married in England and Wales that year were divorced by their 1st, 2nd … anniversary.

For couples who married in 1999, 30% were divorced by their 14th anniversary.
For couples who married in 2001, 25% were divorced by their 11th anniversary.

It’s from here.
https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/divorce/datasets/divorcesinenglandandwalesageatmarriagedurationofmarriageandcohortanalyses

Those are stats released in 2015. Data from 2022 says

The cumulative percentages of marriages ending in divorce before their 25th (silver) wedding anniversary has increased over time. For couples who married in 1963 (the first cohort with data available), 23% had divorced before their 25th anniversary. This has steadily risen to 41% for couples who married in 1997 (the latest marriage cohort to potentially reach their 25th anniversary).

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/divorce/bulletins/divorcesinenglandandwales/2022

@PigInAHouse
I tell my children (daughters) to only marry if their spouse will add value to their life. I want them to learn to be happy single first, because it is so valuable to have that knowledge. To be independent. That will give them the freedom to leave if it comes to that. I don't know what other parents do, but it is very clear from mn that there are huge numbers of wives who would rather remain in failed marriages, than be single.

That would be like assuming everyone on Mumsnet has a horrible employer, or a crazy parking situation that requires diagrams, or a totally toxic MIL.

People dont tend to post much about things that are fine

That’s not telling them to marry though. My parents didn’t tell me to marry, I did it anyway. Or do you mean you’ll actively tell them not to marry?

Who ‘tells’ their kids to marry?

It's clear from the amount of women who get in to / remain in miserable marriages with husbands who don't contribute, that they have been socially conditioned, probably by both family and society, to believe that being married is success. Even the whole way the op worded her post is a constant drip.

Who ‘tells’ their kids to marry?

I'm not sure why the term failed marriages has caused such outrage. If people get divorced then surely it's because the marriage failed. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It doesn't mean the people have 'failed' or that the people are 'failures' but I can't see what is wrong with saying a marriage has failed, when it has.

I don't think people get married with the plan to get divorced

Hardly, lots of marriages fail. I think the idea of until death do us part is outdated now. I won't be telling my kids to marry.

You don't pop on here to write about your great marriage do you op? They're self-selecting 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm not sure about that. Quite a few threads quietly mention 'DH' in a positive and non-combative way or refer to long and happy marriages.
Once a relationship with children has broken up, negotiating access, maintenance etc often becomes difficult and painful to an extent, so it's unsurprising that there are loads of posts on those subjects.

I believe a lot of second marriages fail due to family pressures .

Same here.
Phrases such as 'failed marriage' and 'broken home' properly p* me off. Not my shame nor my children's.

You literally have no idea how many people on Mumsnet have ever divorced though? Unless there was a poll, nobody can tell from the fact people post about unhappy relationships and break ups.

Well, 66% of marriages end in divorce, so, no, you are wrong.

Very strange choice to use 'failure' when it's almost the exact opposite for women. Anyway, that's covered upthread.

I think it depends on how old your dc are. Many of my friends waited till their youngest had started secondary, when life logistically gets easier as a solo parent, until they succeeded (😜) in removing the useless spouse from their lives.

Not really intriguing given that many, many people end after the ten-year point!

Well 42% of marriages end in divorce, 18% of married lesbians divorce and 11% of married gay men divorce. So it wouldn’t be unusual to know a lot of divorced people, however if someone doesn’t they may then feel divorce is more unusual so notice divorced people more when they do come across them.

Failed marriage is even more insulting than broken home. Something ending doesn't make it a failure.

But how do you know it’s more than 50% across Mumsnet threads? I am happily married but haven’t mentioned it on here!