My whole family forgot my birthday

Yup

I've had the exact same for the past ten years, it's depressing isn't it. My cure? I treat myself to something nice, and forget to cook etc that day!

They discussed it several times in the days leading up to it. Have you read the OP’s updates?

OP has stated multiple times that she mentioned her birthday to her husband the day before.

I thought it was amusing when I first read the OP's post, but after a whole birthday of her being disappointed I've changed my mind.

You know when you're someone's top priority, you also know when you've slipped down the list and you're being taken for granted. It's painful.

Still, he remembered the dog......

We were joined at the hip in childhood and were close in the sense of texting quite frequently as adults, talking about everything and anything and being quite uplifting to each other! She was never deliberately spiteful to me but I think she just didn’t care as much - but for some reason had this expectation that I should prioritise her.

I’d also become someone she trauma dumped and leaned quite heavily on in a practical sense eg, borrowing money off me multiple times and subtly expecting me to pay for coffees etc when we met up. I overlooked some stuff as I was in a better financial position than her, but looking back it was a bit odd as I was a single woman whereas she had a live in partner who was the father of her kids but she demanded very little of him.

I must say it wasn’t all bad though, and I’m sure she listened to me bang on about stuff too! We had a similar sense of humour and some brilliant times especially growing up together! I don’t regret our friendship but at the same time the lack of reciprocity became unacceptable to me over time.

I’m glad I let things fall away when I did rather than dragging it out and feeling resentful
that while things were great as kids she was never going to be the friend I wanted as an adult.

I'm also surprised it hasn't come up in conversation in the past few weeks, not in a hinting way just general chat. Eg I'm taking the day off for my birthday, or shall we go out for dinner. Plan what you want to do for your birthday and tell others you want involved, that's my way. Then you're never disappointed because people didn't match your expectations or forgot.

It’s One day a year. One day you have to show up. It can leave someone feeling pretty worthless to forget their birthday. Assuming he manages day to day life, flights etc and isn’t very special needs - how could he possibly forget? It’s not that important to him that’s why.

Op, this man is NOT very caring, at all. This not okay. It would be a cold day in hell before I put up with this…

He should have organised something before he went eg hidden a present and card (or given it to you) to open on the day, sent flowers to arrive, something, anything

Yeah that’s the kind of things my partner would do if he was going to be unavoidably away on my birthday. I find it surprising he had no plan for her in this day and age of being able to order online.

Perhaps OP and her husband never do anything for each others birthday though . But I do feel if that’s the case in some
ways it makes it even more sad he couldn’t do the bare minimum which is to send her a happy birthday text.

I had a (now former) friend a bit like this, despite knowing me most of her life she’d forgotten my birthday multiple times whereas I’d remember hers and often would attend her kids bday parties with presents. I got her a lovely present that she was gushing over for her milestone birthday too.

Looking back I was a bit of a mug but I caught on eventually as even the years when she did remember it would be a short dry text like she was texting a colleague on their birthday rather than a heartfelt text or a call to a close friend on their special day and never a card or present.

She got really offended when I stopped giving anything to her kids or attending their birthday parties and I didn’t bother at all on her last milestone birthday. But I’m not here for one sided friendships and relationships. She would always be “so sorry” when I pointed out she forgot my birthday but It’s very telling ultimately she couldn’t tolerate the same treatment she dished out.

Asked for presents? I don't think it's unreasonable to expect those closest to you to remember your birthday without having to be hand held through it. I bet OP didn't wait to be asked for presents from her husband on his birthday.

Im glad he felt bad op. He deserves to feel bad. He should have organised something before he went eg hidden a present and card (or given it to you) to open on the day, sent flowers to arrive, something, anything. It’s not hard nowadays is it when you can everything delivered.

Im so sorry the useless idiot upset you. I hope you let him know you were upset. Obviously, out of sight, out of mind. To me, given where he is and how he’s behaved, it doesn’t bode well.

That is how you train women to always expect nothing, and why there’s thread after thread of women posting that they buy their own birthday and Christmas presents because DH doesn’t bother.

I’ve never understood those posts where the women continues to buy Christmas presents not only for the husband but for their in-laws too, knowing she will be getting zilch from her husband. There was a whole slew of those threads last month.

I’m glad your parents remembered. I don’t know if you mentioned it earlier but I completely missed that they were in a country with such a large time difference. I’m surprised you assumed they forgot so soon, considering it must’ve been about 6am there when you first posted if they’re 9 hours or so behind.

I’m not suggesting divorce but I do find it strange he is that distracted he forgot considering you raised it the day before. You said he was texting you earlier about other stuff so he didn’t sound that busy. I’d wonder is he very worried about something? I agree with the pp it’s not a good sign, if he’s already forgetting at this stage. Do you normally not exchange presents/cards? Or is he waiting until he’s back to give you something?
Hope he makes it up to you!

And a party hat, like Rachel in Friends

Why is it that when women try to address male behaviour by responding in like that they’re always accused of ‘pathetic tit for tat’?

That is how you train women to always expect nothing, and why there’s thread after thread of women posting that they buy their own birthday and Christmas presents because DH doesn’t bother.