i cant cope, i need help, what do i do?

79 replies

Cantfunction25 · 22/01/2025 11:43

I think im going to lose our home. I cant keep on top of it and dont know what to do.

My house is a bombsite, its so bad, i dont know where to start, and i think the council are looking to take it off me. They have left a card that says they need to discuss the tenancy, i dont know what that means, im having a massive anxiety attack and i cant phone them. I think they have seen inside through the windows, or neighbours, outside is ok, no garden, but inside its so full of stuff i dont know where to start. Can they take it for being messy? I dont know what to do.

I work full time to support my kids, all over 16 and out of school, one in college, one in uni, one adult with additional needs who recently lost their job and cant live independently. All at home still. Its just me, I work 60 hours a week nights to support us all. I have a partner but its fairly new and none of this is on him. He doesnt know how bad it is.

All 4 of us (myself and my children) are diagnosed ADHD which doesnt help as we are all terrible with organisation, hyperfixating on anything else, exectutive dysfunction etc. None of us are any good at basic adult tasks, i know it sounds like an exuse but its literally so hard for us to manage these seemingly easy jobs. Its like my brain phsycially stops me from doing tasks i need to do, i get paralysed. I can sit in a spot doing nothing, literally nothing, no tv no noise no phone and my brain will not allow me to move for hours despite knowing what needs doing. The medication i tried didnt help, if anything it made it worse and i never went back to talk about it as i coldnt even make the appointment. I just dont function aside from working. All my ability is taken up at work, its a very stressfull fast pace high pressure job, when im home i have nothing left. I just dont manage.

The rent and bills are up to date, so all i can think of is the state of the house why they have been round, but i just cant sort it, i cant keep on top of it, i cant afford help, i have no support, no family local, no friends.

I feel like i cant breathe, we cant lose our home, but i cant do it, the task is too big, i dont know where to start, or how to start.

OP posts:

TheWonderhorse · 22/01/2025 11:53

Most councils offer help, it's expensive but they will have a team of people who will entirely sort it for a small fortune, a few hundred quid. If you are able to pay for that then great, do it. Then, get yourself a cleaner.

You're not a bad person and they won't want to evict you.

Pinksmyfavoritecolour · 22/01/2025 11:53

Start with a pad and pen, and start making a list, room by room, think and write down every little job, so for example, bathroom - 1:clean toilet, 2:clean sink, 3: clean shower, 4: empty rubbish bin, 5: hoover floor, 6: wash floor. Then do 1 job at a time, and tick it off or put a line through it, if you do a job not on your list, add it to list and then tick it off.
Also putting a timer on like 20 minutes, reward with a coffee.
I suspect I have adhd but have never been tested, but lists are my way of coping, I get so easily overwhelmed, I have to break everything I do down into small manageable tasks. Good luck 😊

Boredonafridaynight · 22/01/2025 11:48

I really don't think they can take the house off you once rent is up to date... maybe they are trying to help and will come up with a plan with you.. can you maybe reach out to your boyfriend or other family members for help with this situation.. is it a hording problem? Also can you call citizens advice for help

hazelnutvanillalatte · 22/01/2025 11:47

Can you hire a cleaner as a one off? You can also hire a professional organiser to handle this urgent situation. Are you still registered with ADHD services? If so would discuss your situation and ask to titrate on something else - if stimulants don't work there are also non-stimulant medications. Good luck

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